


Connected By Cherry Blossoms

by yoroyazu



Category: Gintama
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Cherry blossoms are significant, Completed, Drama, Immortality, M/M, Other tags to be added later, Reincarnation, Romance, Soulmate AU, but no worries it's still hijigin end game, gintsu is no longer minor after this chapter, minor gintsu, tw: child death, tw: hemorrhaging, tw: stillborn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-26
Updated: 2020-10-31
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:40:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 14
Words: 66,192
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21568543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoroyazu/pseuds/yoroyazu
Summary: The burden of immortality was almost too much to handle. A hundred and fifty years passed since the day he drank the elixir handed to him by the traveling onmyoji. Gintoki swore he committed to the life of loneliness that came with his condition. Then, the flowers appeared, and the idea to live an eternity became much more appealing than he had originally thought.Completed.
Relationships: Hijikata Toshirou/Sakata Gintoki, Sakata Gintoki/Tsukuyo
Comments: 64
Kudos: 161





	1. Winter of 1170

For a moment, Gintoki laughed at the impeccably erroneous truth he was told almost a hundred and fifty years ago. The elixir the onmyoji gave him was supposed to bring him good fortune. He hoped that it would help him land the village’s most beautiful maiden, whose hand in marriage was vied for by every unmarried man. After he had no such luck, he wondered what the golden substance’s real purpose was.

For years, he sought the reason why he would not die. Even after experiencing a “death,” he would wake up the next day as if nothing had happened in the first place, even if he was mortally wounded. The average life expectancy was not as long as Gintoki has been alive. He never aged a day, still resembling his youthful twenties long after that decade of his life passed. He sought out the onmyoji, only to find out that she passed away decades ago, so there was no way for him to find a way to reverse the effects. He wanted to time travel to that specific moment to stop himself from drinking the elixir. It was wishful thinking at best. In his opinion, death would have been better than this.

Immortality became a burden on its own. Banished from his home village long ago, Gintoki wandered from place to place, never staying longer than twenty or so years before he moved onto the next village to avoid attracting any attention. This has gone on for well over a century now. He desperately wanted to find someone to bear the burden with him, so loneliness wouldn’t eat him alive. Wanting nothing more than companionship, he searched for a way to reverse the effects. However, his efforts were in vain. He searched for a solution over a century, but nothing ever developed from his efforts. Depression hit him, and he contemplated taking his own life, knowing full well he would not actually die.

The village he currently resided in was peaceful for the most part. He lived on the outskirts in a hut that had the bare necessities. He stayed in his hut alone for most of the time, only leaving to tend to his small patch of various vegetables and get meat from the local butcher after a day’s worth of work for him. He was careful not to make any associations with the villagers, so when he would leave, he wouldn’t feel the ache of attachment.

He visited the shrine in the next village over to pray for a good harvest every spring. He briefly chatted with the shrine maiden. Her intuition caught onto Gintoki’s real age, and in an attempt to comfort him, she told him that he would find peace in his immortality one day. He scoffed, not caring if he offended her. He didn’t think there would be any way to find peace with his situation, not fathoming the idea, and he brushed off her statement after leaving the shrine. He never went back after that.

Years of peace went by, and before he knew it, it was time to pack up and leave for the next place. He trekked through the forest in the dead of winter, only stopping to sleep or eat as the next village he was heading to was a week’s travel away. He may have been immortal, but he had to eat and sleep all the same. As he slept, he kept his sword close by to protect him from any traveling ronin, who might rob and slaughter him in his sleep.

He heard of the village he was heading to in passing when he would work for the butcher, figuring it would be the best place to live for twenty years. He knew that it would be hard to get a start in the new village since it was winter, but the longer he stayed in the previous village, the more complicated things would get.

The week passed by quickly, and he was greeted at the gate. They asked him why he left his previous village. He lied, vomiting up the same excuse he used every time. Although they were skeptical, they accepted him and let him in, leaving him to fend for himself to find a place to live. He noticed that the outskirts had plenty of empty houses that needed a tenant, which was ideal in Gintoki’s situation. Perhaps the elixir was supposed to give him good luck like he was told, but he assumed that it was dumb luck otherwise. After settling in, he started his fire and prayed that the winter would end soon, so he would be able to start his little garden and get on with his meager life.

* * *

Spring arrived as the snow melted away from the ground, and the earth warmed up. The villagers didn’t notice that someone had moved into the village. Whispers spread throughout the village that he was a ronin, who caused trouble in his last town and was subsequently banished. He brushed it off, continuing to keep to himself. As he began talking to the town butcher to secure a deal to get some meat off of him every week, the whispers died down. He became friendly with the villagers, even though he was still an outsider, but he always kept the bare minimum associations like he did in previous villages.

The peace he sought never established itself. One day, while walking through the village, he encountered a man surrounded by cherry blossom petals that blew in the calm wind. His hair rustled as he stared in astonishment at the sight. It took a moment, but he realized he was surrounded by the same petals. There had to be a reason they were both surrounded by petals, but any plausible explanation never arose. The man walked onward a woman, not noticing that he was surrounded by flowers.

Gintoki needed answers, but he was unsure if he would get any. He trekked up the steps to the local temple grounds. Buds from the cherry blossom trees that surrounded the grounds hung off the branches, ever so slowly opening up in full bloom. When he arrived, the smell of blazing wood from within the temple burned through Gintoki’s nose. The shrine maiden in her white and red uniform greeted him, soft in voice, welcoming him openly to the shrine. He brought an offering of some vegetables that managed to proliferate and handed them over to her with a bow. He introduced himself, mentioning he was new to the village and got right to the point.

“I was wondering if you had any information on the phenomenon I experienced the other day.” He paused briefly before continuing. “So, the other day, I noticed these flower petals floating around me. It wasn’t just me. I noticed them around another guy in the village…” He trailed off, not know what else to say. It was so strange to him that he still didn’t believe it was true.

The shrine maiden giggled. “Have you ever heard of Soulmate Flowers?”

Gintoki tilted his head, perplexed. “Soulmate Flowers? What is _that_?” His smile shifted into a slight frown.

“Soulmate Flowers are flowers that you see when you’re around your soulmate," the shrine maiden explained, smiling widely. "No one else can see them, but both of you, and the only way to make them go away is to be together.” A faint sparkle scintillated in her eyes, somehow displaying sincerity.

For Gintoki, though, it was hard to believe. A man? His soulmate? Wasn’t that supposed to be the maiden from his home village? He scoffed at her, thinking she was playing some sick joke on him. “There’s no way that guy’s my soulmate.” He didn’t care if he offended her. Not wanting to hear any more, he waved off the shrine maiden and walked away, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and pondering the possibility that the man was his soulmate. If the petals were real, of course. He didn’t know for sure if he was just hallucinating or if there were cherry blossoms in bloom somewhere nearby. He never did go back to that shrine, not even to pray.

* * *

The sky threatened to downpour. The ominous clouds drifted above the land. After days passed by without seeing the man, Gintoki thought, perhaps it was just a hallucination after all. He stood outside his home, lost in thought. He was still mulling over the idea, which was tearing him apart from the inside. He leaned against his house and stared at his feet when he noticed the small, pastel pink petals appeared again. He reached out and took hold of one, feeling the soft ripples of the petal. This only confirmed that they were absolutely real. He looked up to see the man walking toward the gate, still surrounded by the cherry blossom petals. This time, the man noticed the petals surrounding him and looked around to see why that would be, only to find that Gintoki was also surrounded by petals.

After being noticed, Gintoki hesitated on if he should say anything to him. Anyone who would be told that Soulmate Flowers were even a concept would think it bizarre. He snorted. It was hard to believe a man was his soulmate, and unfortunately, a mortal on top of that. The man approached him, introducing himself as Hijikata Toshirou, and Gintoki greeted him back, giving him his name.

After a brief but awkward pause, Hijikata got right to the point. “Every time I see you, I’m surrounded by flowers, and so are you. Why?” Gintoki noticed his rather specific wording, realizing that Hijikata actually took notice of the petals but neglected to say anything.

Gintoki, once again, hesitated and bit his lip. Hijikata would find it absurd to believe that the petals signified that they were soulmates. It was implausible, but after mulling it over for days, it was the only credible answer. Realizing he had to say something, he replied, “Have you ever heard of Soulmate Flowers?”

“No.”

Gintoki hummed. “It’s the most outrageous thing I’ve ever heard. I asked the local shrine maiden about it, and she said that they’re flowers that appear when you’re around your soulmate, and only we can see them.”

“That’s absurd.” Hijikata scoffed at his explication, clearly in disbelief. “How could _you_ be my soulmate?”

Gintoki sighed. He knew of his own foolishness to believe such a tale. He couldn’t come up with a believable story from himself, so he accepted the only story he was told. As they spoke, the cherry blossom petals floated around them, only multiplying now that they stood closer than they have before. He shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t want to lie to him about what he knew, regardless of how irrational it had to be. “Who knows. Apparently, the only way to make them go away is by being together.” Slowly, but inevitably, Gintoki found himself a little bit enamored by Hijikata as they talked. He couldn’t explain his own feelings, even if he wanted to do so. Perhaps the shrine maiden wasn’t totally full of it. With his face flushed with a light rosy color, he asked, “Can… I see you again?” He bent his own rule of not forming attachments. It wouldn’t hurt to make one friend, especially if they were supposed to have a special connection.

Although he was unsure, Hijikata asserted himself. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”

Disappointed, Gintoki shrugged it off, waving Hijikata off as he walked back into his house. He took a seat next to the roasting fire, deciding he should eat something as he hadn’t eaten all day. He didn’t need his body emaciated from the lack of proper nutrition. He sat undisturbed as he watched his food cook in the pan. He became lost in thought as he thought of his pitiful existence. The first attempt at making a friend in a hundred and fifty years, and he was rejected. He could only assume that this was his lot in life: to be dismissed by his supposed soulmate.

His thoughts lingered to Hijikata. He was young, no older than 25. Gintoki deduced he surely would have died before Hijikata would have even been born if his life developed differently. He felt a tingling in his cheeks, signifying a blush. There was no use in thinking about what could have been if he wasn’t rejected, but he couldn’t think about anything else. It was foolish to think anything would come of it in the first place. From the rumors he heard, the girl he was walking with that day was his fiancée, and they were to marry by the end of the summer. That didn’t stop Gintoki from asking to see him again. There was just something about him that Gintoki found captivating. Finding your soulmate is a once in a lifetime event, and it slipped right through his fingers. He could do nothing but laugh at what shit luck he had.

He sat on the floor in front of the fire with his knees tucked under his arms. The fire nearly died out, and the food caked onto the pan from being burnt to a crisp. He sighed when he smelled the burnt food. It was getting too late to go out and get firewood again or to even start a new meal, so he salvaged what was left of his dinner and ate. Wanting to distract himself from the aching sensation he felt, he crawled into his hay bed, getting comfortable. He was just about to drift off into dreamland before someone pounded on his door hard enough that it nearly fell off the hinges. He groaned as he situated himself off the bed. The fire dwindled down to a small flame, meaning he was in almost darkness. If it wasn’t for that low flame still burning strong, he would have had to take shots in the dark where his door was. He managed to find the door, however, only to open it and see Hijikata on the other side. He snorted. “What could you possibly want?” He gritted his teeth. Hijikata already humiliated him. Why would he be at Gintoki’s door in the middle of the night?

Hijikata grabbed hold of Gintoki’s shirt collar, rage burning within his eyes. Petals flew around them, nearly blinding them from seeing each other. “What the _fuck_ have you done to me?” He seethed, fury clear in his voice. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you since I’ve fucking _met_ you, and now I’m doubting my engagement.” A fire burned within Hijikata, and he was desperate for answers.

Gintoki swatted Hijikata’s hands away from his collar, only fueling the fire that raged within Hijikata. “I didn’t do _anything_. It’s not _my_ fault that we’re supposedly soulmates.” He walked away from Hijikata, decidedly not wanting to get involved with a petulant person such as Hijikata. “So, if you have anything else to say, say it. If not, leave.” He crawled back into his bed, not wanting to discuss the matter further with a person who couldn’t be reasoned. He threw the scrap of cloth that he used as a blanket over his head.

Hijikata growled, taking hold of the door and slamming it on his way out.

Pleased that Hijikata took the hint to leave, a small smile graced his lips. How could such an irascible person be his soulmate? He snorted. Nothing could possibly be less pleasing. It wasn’t his problem that Hijikata began doubting his engagement, nor was it his problem that they were soulmates. Resuming his previous activity, he decided to not think about it, for now, leaving that problem for the next day because, inevitably, Hijikata would be back the next day.

* * *

On his walk back to his home, Hijikata mulled over the possibility that Gintoki was his soulmate. He just wanted the petals to disappear. That way, he would be able to continue on and marry the girl he intended, but surely, his thoughts constantly lingered to the enigma of a man that he encountered for the first time today. Nothing was known about him. He only spoke briefly to the other villagers, not revealing anything about himself other than that he had to leave his village. He groaned as he entered his home. He found his fiancée lying in their shared bed, sleeping away. She must not have realized that he was gone, but he didn’t linger on that thought for long, deciding to instead be pissed off about even encountering the other man. He stewed in his thoughts as he took a seat in front of the fire. There was no sense in going forward with the engagement if he was just going to continually think about Gintoki. He knew, for a fact, that if he broke off his engagement, he would be forced to leave and have to find another place to sleep at night. Thinking it was the best way to avoid getting into a marriage half-heartedly, he had no choice but to end it. The pain of hurting her ached within him. He wanted nothing to do with causing her heartbreak, but realistically, it would hurt her more to have a husband that wasn’t entirely there for her. That wasn’t a way to start any type of marriage.

Before he knew it, the fire in their home had gone out, and the pitch-black darkness took over. He weighed all of the options with what to do in his situation, but the only reasonable one was to end it and more than likely move in with Gintoki, someone he clearly did not enjoy meeting. Causing pain to prevent pain wasn’t Hijikata’s forte, but it would be worse if she found out he felt something for someone else, no matter how unbelievable it was. Not wanting to think about his plan any longer, he crawled into bed with the girl and cuddled up against her. It wasn’t before long until he finally fell asleep, exhausted from the stress of the day’s events.

* * *

Hijikata awoke the next day, clearly not ready to execute his plan. He wished the night had gone on for the next eternity, so he wouldn’t have to execute his plan. His betrothed sat in front of the fire, stirring the pot of food that was to feed them for the day. Starting to regret actions that he hadn’t even committed to, he backtracked on his thoughts of ending his engagement. Perhaps, he would get over his budding feelings for Gintoki with time, but how long would that take? A month? Two months? A year? Realizing that the connection with Gintoki was going to be stronger than what he could create with her, he jumped into action.

Holding back his words at first, while, at the same time, trying to find the right words to say, he stayed silent for a moment as he watched her cook. She must not have noticed he woke up as she was humming a tune Hijikata found comforting. He couldn’t believe that he was going to do this to her, but he couldn’t fathom hurting her by marrying her with only half his heart into it. “Hey,” he started as he said from the bed of hay they lay on every night. “I…” He dragged off, finding it hard to speak the words that needed to be expressed.

She looked over at Hijikata from her seated position. She gave a quick, loving smile at him and said, “You finally decided to wake up.” She tilted her head to the side, noticing that Hijikata’s words were running dry. “What’s wrong?”

He sighed. “I don’t think we’re going to work out.” Regret filled his veins. He wanted nothing more than to hurt himself at that time. His skin crawled from the thought of ending their engagement. “Something came up, and… I realized that we’re just not going to work out.” A look of pity grew within his eyes. Whether it was a pity for her or himself was another question he didn’t have an answer.

She furrowed her eyebrows and thought about what he could possibly talking about until a lightbulb went off in her head. “It’s that new villager, isn’t it?”

Hijikata was taken aback, but he realized that nothing slipped past her. She knew all that went on in the village. Her intuition was spot-on, and he couldn’t hide it any longer. “Yeah…” He dragged off once again. He didn’t want to admit to her about the petals he saw every time he saw Gintoki and the feelings that seemed to have grown overnight. Alas, it was hard enough to break off his engagement.

She hummed as she went back to cooking. “Well, you know you can’t stay here now,” she said matter-of-factly. Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows. She seemed to be taking it in great stride, but he, likely, would become the laughing stock of the town because it was ascertained that she would tell her family, and in turn, her family would tell the rest of the village. Falling out of love with a woman and in love with a man he just met? How pitiful. “Don’t know where you’ll go, but you can’t stay here now.”

He knew that he would be forced out of his home from the get-go, so he took no time to breathe before starting to gather what little things he owned, only to haul them all the way across the village to his hopeful new home. He couldn’t guarantee that Gintoki would even give him a place to stay. It was undoubtedly a risk, but it was a risk he had to take. He would move back in with his own family, but his family was long gone from the world and left him nothing but the clothes on his back.

“Just tell me: Was it all a lie? Y’know, the engagement?” She kept her back toward him, not showing any sign of weakness to him.

With a tint of sadness in his eyes, while their relationship flashed within his mind, he responded, “No.” With nothing left to say, he left, taking his things and exiting her life permanently.

His head hung in shame as he trekked across the village to the outskirts. He ignored the villagers who called out to him, not wanting to even admit to them what had happened with her and what he was about to do. Hell, he didn’t even want to admit to himself what he’s done, but the past is past. He couldn’t take it back now. As he inched closer toward his destination, he saw the cherry blossom petals start to form, drifting slowly downward. The closer he got, the more petals had appeared. He prayed to Kami that Gintoki would take him in, at least out of pity for him. By the time he stepped in front of Gintoki’s door, the petals were sheerly out of control. So many floated around him; he found it hard to believe that no one else could see them but the two of them.

He paused for a moment before swallowing his pride and knocked on the door. He absolutely, positively did _not_ want to do this, but it was his only option. What felt like an eternity was only a few empty moments before the door swung open to reveal a disheveled silver perm. “Oh, Oogushi-kun, to what do I owe the honor?” Gintoki said facetiously. “Don’t you have to be off with your little girlfriend, playing house?” Gintoki’s real emotions hid behind a dead-fish expression, making it impossible for Hijikata to read what he was thinking.

Hijikata pursed his lips. “We’re not together anymore.” His grumbled words were nearly inaudible for Gintoki to hear.

“Oi, I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear what you said.”

Irked, Hijikata raised his voice ever so slightly. “We’re not together anymore…”

Gintoki cupped a hand around his ear and egged Hijikata on just a little bit more. “Your grumbling is making it impossible to hear you. What was that again?”

Hijikata snorted before screaming, “We’re not together anymore!” He spoke that sentence so loudly, it was probably heard on the other side of the village.

“Oogushi-kun, don’t tell me this is _my_ fault.” Gintoki walked back into his hut, waving Hijikata in. It wasn’t apparent to Hijikata, but he, at least, wanted to hear him out. “You were so quick to blame me last night. Wouldn’t you rather run home to your mommy and daddy to only break the news?”

Hijikata stepped into the hut. “It is _your_ fault.” He reiterated what he said from last night. “But I don’t have anywhere else to go…” A hurt ego could only admit those words.

Gintoki stuck a hand in his pants and scratched his nether region. “Only the gods could be blamed for the pitiful situation you stuck yourself in.” Releasing his crotch, he took a seat in front of the fire he started for the day.

Hijikata grunted a small agreement. As much as he wanted to blame Gintoki for his situation, he really had to blame the gods for even remotely allowing this idiot into their village in the first place, or perhaps, he should blame the village guards that let him within the village limits. “Well, I’ve got nowhere else to go. Can I stay here until I can establish myself again?”

A sadistic grin curled its way onto Gintoki’s lips. “Only if you grovel.”

A vein poked out of Hijikata’s forehead out of pure frustration. “I’m not fucking _groveling_ to you. You should accommodate me since this is all your fault.” His arms started to grow tired from holding his things.

Gintoki forced a laugh out. “Yeah, right! Why would I accept someone like _you_ into my home? Y’know someone who’s blaming me for something out of either of our control.” He nudged the fire a bit to make the flames a little higher to reach the pot that sat above it. “So, either grovel or get the hell out.” He tilted his head over to the side, looking to see what choice Hijikata would make.

Groveling was the last thing he wanted to do, but not having a place to sleep at night wasn’t an option. With no other choice, Hijikata sat his stuff down and dropped to his knees, bowing in front of Gintoki. “Please let me stay here.”

Gintoki let out a cruel laugh, clearly enjoying the show. “I never thought you’d ask, Oogushi-kun.”

Slowly, but surely, the petals died down until only a few remained. Hijikata remembered what Gintoki had told him the day before, and it ascertained to him what Gintoki had told him was true. There was no way to deny it now. They were meant to be together. Hijikata pursed his lips and sat back up. He wondered if Gintoki would ever forgive him for the way he confronted him the night before. Figuring he owed somewhat of an apology, he mumbled, “I’m sorry for last night.”

Gintoki waved him off, seemingly accepting his apology regardless if it was half-hearted or not. “You can sleep on the floor.”

Hijikata’s eyes widened. How disgraceful was this guy going to be? “You’re _joking_ , right?” He interjected, “You should be sleeping on the floor, considering you got me into this mess.”

Gintoki burst out into a deep belly laugh. “No way in hell would you get to sleep in my bed,” he managed to choke out those words between laughs. Once he calmed down, he continued, “You got yourself in this situation, not me.”

“Pfft. If you didn’t come to this village in the first place, _neither_ of us would be in this situation.”

Gintoki nodded his head in agreeance, albeit reluctantly. “Well, shit happens, and there’s nothing we can do about it now.”

The day went on as Gintoki and Hijikata kept taking shots at each other, with Gintoki initiating most of the back and forth and Hijikata becoming exasperated with him. As much as Hijikata hated the fact that he had to stay in the dingy hut, he felt at peace, like he was supposed to be here with Gintoki. A feeling of belonging he had never felt before, not even with his ex-fiancée.

Before long, the sun had set on the day, signifying that it was time to sleep. After a long day of bickering back and forth, Hijikata was ready to sleep. Gintoki had him out in his garden all day with Hijikata doing all the work. He guessed that was Gintoki’s payback for putting him on the spot with their living arrangement.

Hijikata might have been excited to sleep, but it dawned on him that he would be sleeping on the floor, per the arrangement that they made earlier in the day. He didn’t like that idea, but it was the only feasible option as he didn’t consciously want to share a bed with Gintoki. The idea of sharing a bed with a disgusting child like him made Hijikata’s skin crawl. Gintoki, at least, gave him the option to lay in front of the fire, so he would stay warm during the cooler nights. It wouldn’t take too long, though, weather-wise for the sun to beat down on the earth, causing humid nights that would be uncomfortable during the night if he slept in front of a fire.

Gintoki made his way to his bed, the light of the fire guiding him on his way. “I don’t have a spare blanket.” He admitted right after crawling into his own bed and getting comfortable under his own blanket. “Sorry.”

Hijikata shrugged. He wanted to argue that Gintoki should give him his blanket, but Gintoki already left him into his home, so he decided against fighting for a blanket. The fire should keep him warm enough instead. He lay down on the floor next to the fire pit. Realizing it was going to be much colder than he expected, he sighed aloud. It was going to be a long ride living here.

* * *

Spring went by in a flash, and so did the summer and fall. Hijikata never ended up moving out of Gintoki’s little house. Instead, they were relatively domesticated together. Eventually, Gintoki stopped making Hijikata do all the housework and garden work and took some responsibility for himself. The bickering died down between them, so they still shared their meals in silence. Hijikata would rather die than admit that his feelings have grown exponentially over the past ten months, but it seemed that every time he saw Gintoki do anything remotely cute, his heart would jump out of his chest. He paid attention to even the littlest details now. The idea of moving out of Gintoki’s home was long gone, and he was content about how he was living now.

The cold winter nights were harsh for Hijikata, though. He managed to get his own blanket later down the road, but it wasn’t enough to shield him from the harshly cold winter nights. It was so tempting to crawl into bed with Gintoki, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to actually go forward with that idea. His cheeks flushed every time he thought of that idea.

The warm food tended to warm him right up for a moment, just enough to make the cold a little less unbearable. The snowflakes danced their way from the sky all the way down to the ground, covering the vast majority of the land surrounding the village. The warmth of the hut was somewhat comforting, but it wasn’t enough during the night, mainly because the fire would go out during the middle of the night.

Gintoki had already crawled into his bed for the night, mumbling a good night as he fell asleep. Hijikata took his place on the floor, not entirely excited about another cold night. He bundled up the best he could. As he lay on the floor, contemplating sleep, he peered over at Gintoki, snuggled up in his bed. The bed looked so inviting. It was so tempting to crawl into bed with him, but Hijikata figured it would be against his better judgment to join him. The temptation was a mistress best left unserved; at least, in Hijikata’s eyes, it was supposed to be that way. Perhaps it was his stubborn attitude that prevented him from giving in, but the more he stared at the charming bed, the more his will was giving in. It wasn’t before long, though, until he decided that laying on that bed would be much more comfortable and warmer than sleeping on the floor.

Hijikata sat up and picked himself off the floor. He tiptoed his way to the bed and poked Gintoki on the shoulder. “What?” Gintoki mumbled, clearly half asleep, and not fully aware that Hijikata was standing there behind him.

Hijikata looked away from the man and caved to his desires. “Can I sleep here… just for tonight?”

Gintoki peered up, a little more awake than he was. “Fine, but we’re sleeping back to back.” He went right back to sleep after speaking those words.

Hijikata pursed his lips in dissatisfaction with the way they would be sleeping. It wasn’t exactly what he wanted, but it was good enough for him, at least, since it was just for one night. Gintoki had scooted over to make room on the rather narrow bed, and Hijikata laid beside him.

He lay there quietly, trying hard to fall asleep, but being so close to Gintoki made his heartbeat with the power of a thousand horses. Against his better judgment, he flipped over to face Gintoki’s back and wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer to him. The scent of Gintoki’s hair was so intoxicating to him; he found it unbearable. Perhaps, this was a bad idea, but alas, it was what Hijikata had wanted for quite some time, months to be exact. He breathed in Gintoki’s scent, reveling in the joy it gave him, his cheeks flushing a rosy color.

He sighed. It was hard enough being around Gintoki without being together, but being side by side like this was practically impossible. He didn’t think Gintoki would agree to this. He, more or less, expected an elbow in his stomach from flipping over, but Gintoki lay there silently, taking even breaths.

Nuzzling against the nape of Gintoki’s neck and grasping his shirt tight in his fist, Hijikata whispered, “I love you.” Shortly after, he finally fell asleep, utterly content with how the night turned out. A small smile crept onto Gintoki’s face, satisfied that he managed to hear those words before, in turn, falling asleep himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Hopefully you guys will enjoy this idea I've made a 2.7k word outline for. It's planned from the first to the last chapter with plenty of notes for me to add in as I write! Once again, I'll post a chapter per month, but since I work retail, my next chapter will likely be in January rather than in December.
> 
> Either way! I hope you guys enjoy this, as I feel it's a much better idea than my last!
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	2. Spring 1181

On a warm spring day, Hijikata lay in their bed. He never did go back to sleeping on the floor like what was originally planned, not that Hijikata would have it any other way. He looked up at Gintoki, who kneeled next to the bed, and studied his face. Worry was apparent within Gintoki’s ruby red eyes. The cough he had was concerning, but it wasn’t like he never had a cold before. Perhaps it was allergies, but he had no way of knowing for sure. He wondered for a moment why Gintoki would be so worried, but his thoughts were overtaken by the fact that no wrinkles developed on Gintoki’s face. No wrinkles, no sunspots, nothing of the sort that made him look 10 years older than when they first met. He reached out, caressing Gintoki’s cheek in his hand, and felt the smoothness of his skin. “You look the same,” he mentioned, “It’s like you haven’t aged a day.” 

After Hijikata said those words, he could sense Gintoki’s hesitance. The worry in his eyes only grew. It was unlike Gintoki to hide something from him, so he tried to narrow down Gintoki’s hidden thoughts. It could have been only a limited number of things; however, Hijikata thought of those things as so trivial that they weren’t worth mentioning. Gintoki bit his lip, pulling it in and biting on it lightly. His hesitation made Hijikata anxious. “What’re you hiding from me?” He let go of his cheek, letting his arm drop to his side.

“It’s a long story,” Gintoki began, “I don’t know if you’ll believe me.”

Hijikata squinted his eyes but quickly relaxed them. He sighed. “I can’t believe you if you won’t tell me.” Hijikata wanted to know Gintoki’s story. Perhaps, it would bring clarity as to why he showed up in his village all those years ago. Clearly, it would explain his youthful appearance. The last thing on his mind was deciding whether to believe him or not.

“Well…” Gintoki stopped in his tracks, still entirely hesitant to reveal the fact the truth.

“Well, what?” Hijikata’s frustration set in. “Why are you so nervous?”

A snort expelled from Gintoki’s nose. “Because what happened to me is absurd, even though it’s true!”

Hijikata rolled his eyes. “Then, what the hell happened to you?”

Gintoki could only groan. “I’m immortal. I’ve been alive for a hundred and eighty years already, and you’re the first person that I’ve associated with since then,” he sighed, exasperated. “I was stupid and believed that elixir would give me good luck. I thought it didn’t for the longest time, but after I found you, I realized why the onmyoji said it would.”

Hijikata blinked in disbelief, shaking his head in the process. He tried so desperately to wrap his head around that idea, but it was just absurd, just like he said. How was he supposed to believe that story? It was the most implausible story that Gintoki could have come up with, yet that was the story he told. After the disbelief subsided, it dawned on him: he would die, and Gintoki would have to live on without him. His eyes widened by the sad truth, and he reached for Gintoki’s hand, taking hold of it and gripping tightly. “I’ll… I’ll die before you if you even get to die at all.”

“I know,” Gintoki stated, “That’s why I didn’t want to tell you.”

Hijikata's heart broke from hearing that. It hurt that Gintoki didn’t want to tell him. He searched for the right words to say. “Is there any way to reverse the effects?” An afterlife without Gintoki wasn’t something he could imagine. There had to be a way to prevent this.

“I’ve looked into that already. I couldn’t find any way to reverse it.” Gintoki’s smile shifted into a frown.

Hijikata’s heart only broke more. Frantic for a solution, he asked, “Is it possible to find the elixir?” Looking into Gintoki’s eyes, he could see a lightbulb go off into Gintoki’s head.

“It’s possible…” Gintoki dragged off, “But I don’t even know where to start looking for it.” The idea hadn’t even crossed his mind that finding the elixir might be easier than reversing the effects.

A wide grin curled onto Hijikata’s lips. It was their best bet. He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of eternity with Gintoki. Finding the elixir couldn’t possibly take long to find, considering the fact that it exists in the first place. “But… it _exists_ , right?”

“Yeah, but…” Gintoki trailed off, avoiding eye contact with Hijikata. He didn’t want to tell him no, not that it would make sense in the first place. If he drank the elixir, it had to exist. He couldn’t have drunk the last bit of it, so it wasn’t exactly out of the realm of possibility. “I just… don’t even know where to look.”

“Wouldn’t it be near your home village?”

Gintoki shrugged, looking back up at Hijikata. “It could be, but that onmyoji traveled all over. There’s no way to know for sure where she got it from.” He didn’t want to disappoint Hijikata, of course, but the likelihood of finding it right off the bat was finding a needle in a haystack: a slim to none chance. The idea that it wasn’t near his home village was the first thing that sprouted to mind. He felt it was unlikely that she would have found it near there. He had the briefest of conversations with her before she handed him the elixir. She never mentioned where she traveled nor where she got the elixir, so finding it would be a guessing game at best.

The answer Gintoki gave Hijikata was discouraging at best. He could feel his heart break from just hearing those words. The possibility that he would die before Gintoki even found the elixir was more than likely, and he didn’t like it one bit. It left a bad taste in his mouth, and he wanted nothing to do with it. He searched his mind for the right words to say next. He didn’t want to discourage Gintoki more than he already appeared. The glint of sadness in Gintoki’s eyes only made getting the right wording crucial at this moment. Hijikata sighed. Looking for it was their best bet, but he had no idea whether or not Gintoki would even find it in his lifetime. The idea that he could die while Gintoki was away bothered him immensely, but he couldn’t imagine traveling for that long. He didn’t want to give up, but at the same time, he didn’t want to burden Gintoki like that. 

“As much as I want you to look for it, I don’t want to end up spending my life apart. It’s up to you what you wanna do.”

Gintoki hesitated again. At first, he thought he would instead just never look and enjoy the time he had with Hijikata before he would surely die, but the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to look for it. It could take Hijikata’s entire lifetime to find the elixir, but with Gintoki’s reasoning, it would be worth it in the end. In a way, it was like having his cake and eating it too. The only thing that worried him was that Hijikata might die before he found it. It was a double-edged sword. On the one hand, if he chose to stay with Hijikata instead of for the elixir, he would spend the time Hijikata had with him; on the other, for it meant that he may never see Hijikata again. He bit his lip, weighing his options and balancing on the tightrope that he seemed to have gotten on by accident.

Hijikata could feel the worry radiate from Gintoki, a feeling that wasn’t unnecessarily uncommon for the predicament that he was in the first place. He wanted to help his lover through this, but he couldn’t find the right words to say. He said his bit, and now it was up to Gintoki to decide what he wanted to do. “It’s okay. Whatever you decide,” he said, trying to comfort Gintoki the best he could.

After a moment or two, Gintoki made up his mind. “I’m gonna look. I… can’t imagine spending the rest of my life without you.” He felt relief when he said that. It was likely going to be a hard and lengthy quest, but it would be worth it in the long run. However, the thought that Hijikata might die before he found the elixir lingered in the back of his mind. Gintoki tried his hardest to fight back that thought with some uncharacteristic determination that he _would_ find it before Hijikata died.

It wasn’t a half-bad idea, spending eternity with Gintoki. Hijikata smiled softly. Just like Gintoki, the idea that he might die before Gintoki finds the elixir lingered in the back of his mind, but it wasn’t like Gintoki wouldn’t come back for rest or anything like that. Hijikata wanted this as much as or even more than Gintoki does. He reflected back, thinking of how lonely Gintoki’s life must have been before he met him. Going years without a single friend, and up and moving after so many years had to have been rough on him. He couldn’t imagine decades without any type of relationship in his life. Hijikata hesitated. Now, he was wondering when Gintoki would leave. Hijikata already decided he would stay behind to keep the home they lived in for Gintoki to have a place to come back to if he was weary and close by. “When will you leave?” Hijikata asked, anxious about the answer. Not seeing Gintoki every day for possibly the rest of his life made him nervous by default, which was reasonable.

“Probably tomorrow.” Gintoki’s voice wavered a little from saying that, a little bit of regret seeped into those words. “I have to get a head start on it. Otherwise, it might become too late.” 

Hijikata pursed his lips. The idea that Gintoki would be gone tomorrow wasn’t something he expected, but he realized that it was for the best. Getting a head start on a journey that could take several years wasn’t a bad idea in itself, but a little bit of reluctance to let him leave lingered within Hijikata. He sighed, realizing that now was the time to actually say what he’s been meaning for the past ten years. “I want to tell you something. I know it’s been a mutual understanding between us without us actually saying it, but…”

Gintoki looked over his shoulder, peering into Hijikata’s loving eyes. He had a gentle smile with an affectionate look in his eyes. He knew precisely what Hijikata was going to say. He heard it before long ago, but he would finally hear it without having to pretend to be asleep. “Hmm?” He hummed, wanting Hijikata to continue. “What is it?”

Hijikata’s loving expression said everything he really needed to say, even though there was a tiny tint of melancholy within his eyes.

“I love you.”

* * *

Snowflakes drifted downward in a slow manner. It was finally cold enough for snow even though the autumn equinox passed by only a few weeks ago. Gintoki finally decided that he should head home to see Hijikata. He breathed into his hands to warm them up as his destination came into view. The building he was heading for hadn’t graced his eyes in thirty years, and he couldn’t be more excited to be welcomed back into that house. He hoped that not a whole lot had changed since he was last in the village and that the flowers would slowly appear as Gintoki got closer to the house that he and Hijikata shared. He wanted to run toward the house, but he knew that the village guards likely would be caught by surprise and might run to attack him for entering without permission, regardless if he lived there for ten years before he left.

His heart thumped a little louder with every step he made toward his home. Nervousness began to take hold of him. He shouldn’t be nervous just because it had been thirty years since he’d seen Hijikata. And while the thirty years seemed to go by in a flash, he hoped that Hijikata wouldn’t be mad for being away for so long. His heart ached every day they were apart. It seemed to ~~just~~ get worse over time as he would become homesick every spring as he would see the cherry blossom petals floating around from the surrounding area he was in, reminding him of his love waiting for him back home.

Gintoki stopped at the gate, looking upward toward the village guards. After a few moments, they recognized him, saying it’s been a long time since they’ve seen him. 

After they left him in, they stayed silent, not wanting to mention what happened over the last thirty years. The one mentioned to the other that they should tell him, but the other hushed him, saying that it wasn’t their business to tell him unless he asked. 

Ignoring the whispering village guards, Gintoki stepped in front of his home, his heart pounding away in his throat. He wanted nothing more than to break the door down and embrace Hijikata. He ignored his desires and tapped on the door. It was painful, ignoring what he really wanted to do, but realistically, Hijikata would not be expecting him to be at their doorstep after so long. Hijikata might have even thought that Gintoki moved on, leaving him to the wind, but this was wrong in Gintoki’s eyes. He never moved on from him, even if he tried. Hijikata’s entire essence was burned into Gintoki’s soul, binding them together for the rest of eternity.

A few moments after Gintoki knocked, steps within the house echoed in Gintoki’s ears. With every step that came closer to the door, he could feel his breath hitch and become a staccato rhythm; rather, it be deep, even slow breaths. His eyes widened as their door opened. Before he could run in and envelop Hijikata into his arms, he had to first take hold of what he was seeing in the first place. An unfamiliar face opened their door. He had so many questions now. So many it would be hard for him to get them all answered, but first thing’s first, he looked at the unknown person and questioned, “Who are you?” His head tilted to the side.

The unknown person sighed. “Ah, you must be Sakata-san.” He opened the door wider after stepping to the side to let Gintoki in. 

Gintoki looked within the house as he stepped inside to see that nothing changed from what he could remember, and everything was in its rightful place. The smell of the wood was a bit different, but perhaps that was the food that was cooking in the pot. He looked over at the bed they shared and noticed a sleeping figure facing the wall. Dark hair draped over the person’s shoulder. With how long the hair was, Gintoki questioned if it was Hijikata because he had short hair when he left. Still, he walked over to the bed and knelt next to it. He reached out, but he hesitated before placing a hand on the sleeping figure’s shoulder. “H-Hijikata?” Gintoki’s voice wavered ever so slightly, and he thought for a moment that it might have been so long since he had seen Hijikata that Hijikata might forget what he sounded like, or even what he looked like. These thoughts made it very hard to reach out and touch the sleeping figure, especially the notion that Hijikata might have forgotten him entirely.

The sleeping figure stirred, flipping over to his other side. “Gintoki?” Hijikata’s eyes glistened. “Gintoki, is that you?” The hoarseness made Hijikata’s voice almost unrecognizable. 

It took a moment for Gintoki to realize that the sleeping figure was Hijikata. He reached his hand out for Hijikata to grasp, and Hijikata did. “It’s me.” Looking at his face, Gintoki could barely recognize him. Gray streaks of hair peeked out between the black streaks, and wrinkles developed on Hijikata’s face. It also didn’t help that his cheeks were sunken in like he hadn’t eaten in weeks. Gintoki questioned if it really was Hijikata. Was he really gone long enough for Hijikata’s appearance to change so drastically? It was a question he couldn’t answer because he hadn’t kept track of time since he left.

“I’m so glad you’re back. It’s been so long.” Hijikata smiled. Although he didn’t have the strength to hold on, he tried to grip Gintoki’s hand as tightly as he could. If it wasn’t for Gintoki holding his hand as tightly as he could, Hijikata’s hand would slip out and fall to his side. His eyes were half-open, sleepiness wearing down on them. With weariness and weakness in his voice, he mumbled, “I’m going to take a nap. Please… Don’t leave.”

With the way that Hijikata looked, the thought of leaving was beyond the realm of possibility. He couldn’t leave, even if he wanted to, after seeing the condition Hijikata was in. After Hijikata fell asleep, the person, who answered the door, came over, and Gintoki recognized him as the town doctor. With a large exhale, Gintoki looked over at him and asked, “What happened to him?”

“It started as a cough from what he told me. As it got worse, he slowly lost his appetite as he began to vomit anything he would eat.” Solemness was evident in his voice, leading Gintoki to realize that his worst fears were being realized before he knew it. “He… doesn’t have much longer.”

Eyes wide in fear, he looked over at Hijikata and clutched his hand, not wanting to let go. He pulled his lip in, only to gnaw on it harshly. Not wasting any time, he shook Hijikata’s shoulder lightly. “H-Hijikata?” Hijikata neither spoke nor roused from slumber. With no response for him, he succumbed to the fear that took hold of him so quickly, shaking Hijikata violently and screaming his name. Desperate for any type of response, desperation and shakiness could be heard in his voice as he choked back tears. Moment after moment, his cries for Hijikata crawled to a halt. “I’m sorry, Sakata-san.” The doctor consoled Gintoki the best he could.

Gintoki peered over at the doctor, whose eyes showed pity. “If I came back sooner, could it have gone differently?” His cheeks were stained with tears that he couldn’t hold back.

“His survival was unlikely, even if you arrived sooner,” the doctor ascertained, “You just would have had more time with him.”

Gintoki said nothing in return. He picked himself off the floor. He mumbled, “You can arrange for his body to be taken care of. I have to go.” In a despondency, he stumbled out of the home and into the wintry land. The village guards called out to him, but he couldn’t hear them. He neither took in any of his surroundings nor did he grab the bag he used for traveling. He didn’t even grab a coat before he exited the home they shared for so many years.

He didn’t want to believe it was true, but there was no way to deny what he witnessed, the death of his beloved. After hours of wandering, he collapsed from exhaustion. His blue, frostbitten lips quivered as snow began to pile on top of him. His heartbeat slowed to a crawl. He knew that this wouldn’t be the end, but he surely wanted it to be. His love slipped through his fingers. There wasn’t anything he could do but feel every ache and pain of his heart. The pain felt so real to him that he found it hard to believe that his heart wasn’t actually torn into two. He lay there and briefly mumbled, “Hijikata… I’ll be there soon.” He tried his hardest to stay awake, but he slowly succumbed to the exhaustion that overtook him.

* * *

Gintoki grunted as the warmth of the fire near him took hold of him. His eyes slowly flickered open only to look around to grasp where he ended up. The last thing he remembered was that he was lying on the ground outside in the cold. His dreary eyes tried their best to take in his surroundings. He looked side to side, and then, he looked up and down and caught a glimpse of dirty blonde hair draped across his bare chest.

“You’re finally awake,” the blonde looked up to him, revealing the telling scar that streaked along her eye and forehead. “You’ve been out for three days. I was getting worried that you might have been a goner.”

Searching his memory for any clues that he left the spot he crashed on, he only vaguely remembered being held up by a young woman, who dragged his sorry body in the snowy wasteland. “Where… am I? Who… are you?” He had so many questions, but he knew that only one could be answered at a time.

The young woman sat up, revealing that both of them were nude under the blanket that covered them. “I found you passed out next to a tree. I dragged you back here so that you wouldn’t die.” She sighed, picking herself up. “I’m Tsukuyo.”

Gintoki sat up, disoriented from the long sleep he had. Not thinking straight in the least bit, he looked around again, in an attempt to get a better hold of his surroundings. The wooden interior was in shambles only kept up by supporting beams that didn’t seem to be giving in. The fire burning beside him kept him warm for the most part. Looking downward, he realized he was fully nude and not just shirtless. “Why am I naked?”

“It was so you would warm up. You were pretty frostbitten when I found you. It was a pain trying to get your clothes off of you.”

He sighed out an “Oh,” as he placed a hand on his face, gathering himself the best he could. After being out for the past three days, he had a hard time shaking the haziness from his head. His droopy eyes only stared out in front of him. Tsukuyo didn’t seem to mind that he zoned out with his eyes on her as she was dressing. If anything, a hint of a blush tinged her cheeks as she draped her shabby, cut-up kimono over her shoulders. Realizing he didn’t give his name, he introduced himself.

Tsukuyo breezed over what he said and took note of his name, so she could remember it for later. She watched Gintoki as he picked himself up and handed him his neatly folded clothes. She took a seat on the broken-down bench that barely was able to hold together, let alone hold a person’s weight. “Why were you passed out in the cold? Don’t you have a place to live?” Tsukuyo didn’t sugarcoat her question, her tone being as serious as can be.

Gintoki flinched from her question. It dawned on him that Hijikata died and that he slipped through Gintoki’s fingers. Feeling the aching sensation in his heart, he wanted to avoid the question but figured that Tsukuyo might push him for an answer. “No,” he whispered. He plopped back down on the makeshift bed next to the fire after dressing himself.

Seeing Gintoki flinched from her question, she prodded for a little bit more information. “Then, where did you come from?”

Only having Hijikata on his mind, Gintoki mumbled, “He died.”

“Who died?”

“My soulmate.”

Tsukuyo scoffed out a laugh. “You believe in soulmates?”

Gintoki didn’t answer. It was silly to believe in soulmates, but he couldn’t explain to her about the Soulmate Flowers, especially now that he knew she thought believing in soulmates was foolish. He peered downward at his feet, avoiding eye contact. He found it hard to talk about Hijikata now that he was gone.

Tsukuyo squinted her eyes at Gintoki. Sensing a barrier between them, she sighed. He guarded himself like an impenetrable wall surrounded him. She asked again, “Where did you come from before you passed out in the woods?”

“I don’t know.”

“That’s not very descriptive,” Tsukuyo snapped. Exasperated with the responses she was getting, she gave up. She shook her head. “Attachment is never a good thing, but I’m not one to talk.”

“What was I supposed to do? Ignore the flowers?” Gintoki shot back. “S’not something I could explain in the first place.”

Tsukuyo pursed her lips. “What flowers?”

“Never mind.” Gintoki quickly shut down the idea of having to explain the flowers. He thought she wouldn’t believe him, even if he explained. “Ask your local shrine maiden about the Soulmate Flowers.”

“There’s no shrine around here, so you might as well explain it yourself.”

Gintoki huffed out a sigh. “They’re flowers you see when you’re around your soulmate.” Short and concise, it was the best answer she was going to get. Steeling himself, he didn’t bother to explain the other aspects of the Soulmate Flowers.

“That’s ridiculous. You expect me to believe that?” Tsukuyo could do nothing but laugh at the concept. She cackled as she thought of the fact Soulmate Flowers existed in the first place. “Sounds like something straight out of a fairy tale.”

Only enraging him, Gintoki grunted, “S’not _my_ fault they exist. Can’t help that after a hundred and fifty years, some dude in a village I lived in was surrounded by flowers.” After finishing his sentence, his eyes shot open, and he realized what he had just said. It was a slip of the tongue, but it was too late to do anything about it now.

“A hundred and fifty years?” Tsukuyo furrowed her eyebrows. “How- You’re… immortal, aren’t you?” Unable to believe that he was immortal, she squinted her eyes. Immortality is only something one could dream of. At least, that’s what she thought. It was a story that was hard to believe.

Gintoki could only groan at the predicament that he got himself into. What else could he do now other than admit the naked truth? “Yeah, I’m immortal. Don’t… tell anyone. It’s not something that really needs to be spread around.”

Tsukuyo lifted a finger and put it to her lips. “I won’t tell… if you marry me.”

Gintoki shook his head in disbelief. “Marry you? Why would you choose that of all things to extort from me?”

“Because Hinowa, Seita, and I could use a male presence with us to protect us while we live here, and who else is better than a man who can’t die?” Tsukuyo was right on the money. Who else would be better than a man who couldn’t die regardless if he was mortally injured? Blackmailing Gintoki wasn’t something that Tsukuyo wanted to do right off the bat, but certainly, Gintoki gave her the ammo she needed to keep him around. Perhaps, dragging his pitiful ass to their home was a blessing in disguise. She certainly didn’t think of keeping him around at first, but rather, wanting to help a person in need out of the kindness of her heart. Even though she was unsure of who she would tell, she still hung it over his head.

Thinking of how he was chased out of his home village, he gritted his teeth. What else was he supposed to do? If she told anyone, he could easily be hunted down, only to be tortured by the people who wanted the elixir, even though there was no way he knew how to get it. Through his gritted teeth, he grunted, “Fine.” The last thing he needed was for the word to spread that he was immortal, so as he felt trapped, he found no way out, other than to agree to the extortion.

“Now, that wasn’t so bad now, was it?” She shot him an evil smirk, bending him to her will. A secret that was meant to stay hidden was no longer going to be. She realized that she must tell Hinowa and Seita when they arrived back at the temple. “I’ll have to tell them when they get back.”

Gintoki’s eyes shot open a little bit wider than they were before. “Who? No one else needs to know.”

“If you’re going to live with us for a long period, Hinowa and Seita have to know. Otherwise, they might get suspicious as we get older, and your appearance doesn’t change.” Deducing that Gintoki’s appearance hasn’t changed since the time he became immortal wasn’t a hard deduction at all, but she kind of knew from the get-go after his slip of the tongue.

Grunting once again for the situation he got himself in, he reluctantly agreed. However, he believed the fewer people who knew would be better. “They better not tell anyone else.” He spoke a mild threat, if anything. He didn’t want his secret to get out any more than it already was. He already had a distaste for his future bride. Perhaps he should question more of Tsukuyo’s intentions than he already has. He didn’t notice her blush, so maybe there was more to her intentions than he knew about. As senseless as it was, she could have possibly fallen for him while he was recovering.

“Oh, they won’t. We don’t talk to anyone else in particular.” Tsukuyo smirked. “Your secret is safe with us.”

* * *

Gintoki never thought he would be able to be domesticated with anyone else other than Hijikata, but the realization that he could came a long time after he married Tsukuyo. As time went on, she aged, which aged her out of her profession. She was no longer able to provide food for the makeshift family, which the gluttonous Gintoki found annoying, but still, he stepped up and started a garden in the backyard of the temple they were living in. Meat was a rarity for them as they didn’t live close to a village to have an on-hand supply at all times. Sometimes Seita managed to make a trap and catch a rabbit with said trap, but a rabbit was hardly enough for four grown adults.

But, as time went on, slowly, the makeshift family’s members dwindled with no help from shortages in food and sicknesses spreading around. First, it was Hinowa, and shortly after, Seita. A catatonic Tsukuyo eventually recovered from that loss with Gintoki’s help, who had become rather fond of her in her later years. He knew it was never meant to be like it was with Hijikata, but there wasn’t a good reason he couldn’t be fond of a woman that he reluctantly took as his bride forty-odd years ago. Once again, she aged, and he didn’t. From an outsider’s perspective, it looked like Tsukuyo was a cougar, somehow entrancing a young Gintoki into a relationship with her, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.

With crow’s feet and wrinkles galore, Tsukuyo, dying in her bed, smiled and reached out for Gintoki’s cheek. “You really weren’t kidding when you said you were immortal.”

“No. Why would I lie about something ridiculous like that?”

“Perhaps it was to get my attention,” She teased, knowing the reason he was out in the cold all those years ago. After he told her about his life with Hijikata, she knew that she would never fully replace him, but she always hoped that she could. Although their marriage was built on the foundation of extortion, a kind of fondness that was unlikely from the circumstances developed between them. To Gintoki, it wasn’t like the affection and love he had for Hijikata, but a more familial kind that he hasn’t felt in over two hundred years.

Gintoki snorted out a laugh at the tease, not minding that she was. He realized that their time together was coming to a close, and rather than chiding her for it, which is what he would typically do. With the way that Tsukuyo has been sick over the last year, he knew their time together would come to an end eventually. Even though he aged as well, Gintoki didn’t show any signs of slowing down yet. He knew that Tsukuyo would leave him just as Hijikata did, but he sure hoped that it wouldn’t be as hard as the initial loss was. “Can I tell you something?”

Tsukuyo tilted her head to the side as she lay in her bed. “What is it?”

Gintoki smiled a rather compassionate smile with a slight tear in his eye. “Thank you… for everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the 26th where I'm at because it's after midnight, so here's chapter 2 as promised in November.
> 
> I've decided about a week or so ago that I'm going to post every other month rather than every month, so I have enough time to crank out, at least, a chapter per month and also have some time to write some other things. I'm still working on chapter 4, but it should be done soon, as tomorrow is my last day of my pseudo-vacation where the only things I did was go to a con and get tattooed (A vacation is a vacation in my eyes though).
> 
> Either way, please expect chapter 3 (which is gonna be a long read. Be warned.) on March 26th, unless I manage to write like 2 or 3 chapters within the month (Don't count on it). And expect a Valentine's Day fic, as I've finished that within like a week's time.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed it!


	3. Winter 1345

Gintoki didn’t think anything of ducking out of sight when he saw the flowers again. His heart raced; his eyes wide open in surprise. Hijikata was dead, but the petals that floated around him again told a different story. He overheard the brief conversation the man had with his friend about the petals floating around him. He only heard the friend accusing Hijikata of hallucinating, even though that was furthest from the truth.

Gintoki ducked out of the village and searched for the nearest shrine. He had questions , but not enough answers. He knew the shrine maidens would know why a ghost from his past is now haunting him, and of course, it had to be the ghost that would hurt the most. They looked identical. It couldn’t have possibly been the same person because he  _ saw _ Hijikata die in their home over a hundred and thirty-five years ago. It didn’t make sense as to why this person who looked exactly like the one he loved showed up again,  _ even with the same name _ . Gintoki heard his friend call him Hijikata. It couldn’t have possibly been a coincidence , and it was too uncanny to be happening.

Gintoki has been to a lot of shrines, but not one quite as elaborate as the closest one to the village that he wanted to live in. Various mythological creatures were intricately carved into the wood of the support beams and the woodwork of the shrine’s exterior. A bell with two large weaved strands of yarn hung from the rafters in front of the shrine where one would leave the offering. The branches of the trees surrounding the shrine were bare, but the leaves that were once adorned by the trees crunched underneath his feet as they weren’t swept away from the walkway.

Stepping foot onto the grounds made Gintoki realize he was out of place at this shrine. To Gintoki, the lack of visitors gave him the impression that the local villagers felt as out of place as he did, and decided they, too, weren't worthy of attending it. The shrine priestess, however, didn’t seem to mind having a visitor to the shrine. Adorning a kimono that was even worthy of the Empress, the priestess greeted Gintoki, welcoming him openly to the shrine.

A hesitant Gintoki greeted her back softly. He found it hard to ask the question he had been begging for an answer, but it was a question that needed to be asked. He looked to the shrine maiden and asked, “Is reincarnation real? Is it possible for someone to have a second life?” He realized that his question sounded silly, but he just  _ really _ wanted to know. The man looked and sounded just like Hijikata. Hell, they even had the same name. He found it so mind-boggling that this guy was just like  _ his _ Hijikata, but his Hijikata died over a hundred and thirty-five years ago, a day that burned itself into Gintoki’s memory. As he waited for the answer he hoped for, his mind lingered back to that day, seeing the weakened Hijikata laying in their bed. Thinking about that wintry day almost reduced Gintoki to tears, and he tried to shrug it off the best he could.

The priestess gave a broad smile, and with a nod, she answered, “Yes. It is real. Have you met him yet?” With a keen intuition, she knew about his encounter with the newly reincarnated Hijikata.

Gintoki didn’t question her when she mentioned meeting him. “Yeah, but will he remember me?”

“That I can’t be sure for you, but he knows he’s supposed to meet you.”

“How so?”

“You were destined to meet every time he reincarnates.” She avoided his question but prophesized their fate with no difficulty.

Gintoki tried his best to wrap his head around the idea that Hijikata might not remember him at all, but just because he reincarnated this time doesn’t mean he will reincarnate again. He wanted to be with Hijikata again, but he couldn’t go through the heartbreak he went through a hundred and thirty-five years ago. The idea of losing him again wasn’t something he thought he could bear again, but at the same time, he would rather not be without him. A second chance graced its presence to Gintoki. A second chance at a life that he didn’t get to have the first time around. “Is it possible he could reincarnate again after he dies this time?”

The priestess hummed, putting a finger toward her chin in thought. “It’s possible, but no guarantee that he will.”

Her answer satisfied Gintoki, and he left the shrine in peace. Thoughts of what to do at this point ran through his mind. The feeling of being with Hijikata again warmed Gintoki’s heart, but the idea of losing him still brought only pain. The possibility that Hijikata could have a third, fourth, or fifth life lingered in his mind. He weighed the pros and cons of being with Hijikata a second time, but he realized that the cons outweighed the pros. He decided that it was best to avoid him at all costs. It wasn’t worth getting back involved with him again, only to be left heartbroken a second time.

Making it back to the village in record time, he scoped out the vacant houses. He picked the most habitable one (mainly the one that didn’t look like it was about to collapse) and entered. He plopped his bag next to the bale of hay that lay next to the wall. It wasn’t by any means fancy, but it would be suitable for him to use for the next few years before doing the same old song and dance again. He managed to stay clear of Hijikata, or so the man’s name was.

While unpacking whatever items he was able to gather within the last hundred years or so, Gintoki’s thoughts lingered to the enigma of a man he saw surrounded by cherry blossoms. It was almost too good to be true: that Hijikata truly reincarnated. He wanted, more than anything, to be with Hijikata again, but realizing that he would die again just like last time, he would break again.

The cold day made it hard for Gintoki to decide to leave his new home, but he knew he would have to get some firewood if there was any he could salvage from the snow that recently melted away. Walking out of his home, he peered around to see if he saw the flowers again. While the coast was clear, he sprinted in the direction of the woods. He didn’t want to see the flowers again, regardless of how happy he was to know that Hijikata was alive again. He gathered what wood he could and brought it back to his home. Right before he opened his door, the petals appeared again. Gintoki could only grumble. He knew that, at some point, the man would confront him about the petals, but until that happened, he would avoid and avoid and avoid as no one could avoid before. 

Quickly entering his home and shutting the door, he managed to narrowly avoid having to have that confrontation right off the bat. And with the shut of the door, the petals faded away. He could only hear from the other side of the door was a loud “ _ UGH” _ and feet stomping in the other direction. Gintoki breathed out a loud sigh in relief. The first day in his new village, and he’s already confronting a ghost from the past. The last thing he wanted was to deal with that while settling in. He thought that perhaps it was for the best to avoid going outside for a while, not that there was much of a reason to do so, considering it was in the middle of winter. Sure, he knew he would have a hard time getting his footing in the village because of the cold weather, but he couldn’t stay any longer where he was at because his deadline to leave a town after twenty years passed. He even procrastinated on leaving, but he noticed that the villagers were starting to become wary of him. The beginning whispers of his never-changing appearance began to brew, and the last thing he needed was to be lynched, even if he wouldn’t die.

* * *

Hijikata couldn’t believe his eyes the first time he laid eyes on the petals. It was the dead of winter, and petals were flying around him like it was the end of the blooming season for the local cherry blossoms. “Kondo-san, do you see…  _ cherry blossom petals _ ?” He asked his friend, his voice slowly receding in volume.

Kondo’s eyebrows furrowed. “…No? Where do you see petals?”

“They’re everywhere! How do you not see them?” Hijikata exclaimed, his voice escalating. 

Kondo looked around again, only to give his friend some peace of mind, but he found no petals. “Toshi, are you hallucinating? There’s no petals around. It’s  _ winter _ .”

Frustration started to set in as there was no reason for the petals, seeing it was the dead of winter. No trees were in bloom. Hijikata’s eyes looked all around him, only being blinded by the petals, but he managed to peer toward the shrine, and then, he remembered.

* * *

_ Hijikata didn’t want to go to the shrine today, but he did so anyway. A prayer for an excellent growing season was neither a bad thing, nor was it a necessity, but he figured that it wouldn’t hurt to give a quick prayer and an offering to the local shrine. Petals from the fallen cherry blossoms shrouded the steps to the shrine. There were so many it was hard to believe that they all fell from just the nearby trees rather than from all over Japan. _

_ He shouldered an off-feeling that managed to lurk in the back of his mind from the moment he stepped foot onto the shrine grounds, but he tried his best to shrug this off. Wanting to get the prayer over and done with so he could go on with his day, he strode along the stone walkway to the offering chest. The two bells hung from the rafters. Dangling below were two large braided ropes that, if shaken, the bells would ring. Hijikata took his offering and sat it on top of the chest and rang the bell as he prayed.  _

_ The ringing bell must have alerted the shrine priestess as she stepped over to the chest. She thanked Hijikata for leaving the offering and asked him, “Have you seen the cherry blossoms yet?” _

_ Puzzled, Hijikata tilted his head to the side. Of course, he had seen the cherry blossoms. They were in full bloom and slowly floating down to the ground! “Of course, I have. How could I have  _ not _ seen them? They’re everywhere!” _

_ She hummed at his response. “Ah, I see, you haven’t seen  _ those _ petals yet.” _

_ Hijikata was as confused as can be. What petals? There were petals everywhere. There was  _ no way _ he could avoid the petals. “I don’t know what you mean.” _

_ She giggled, and a scintillating sparkle gleamed in her eye as she peered up at him. “The petals of your soulmate.”  _

_ Hijikata pursed his lips in confusion. “Petals of my soulmate?” _

_ “When there are no leaves around, you’ll see the petals of your soulmate.” _

_ If anything, the priestess’s words just made Hijikata more confused than he already was. He had no idea what she was talking about when it came to “the petals of his soulmate”; the idea just seemed outlandish for him to believe. Rolling his eyes upward in thought, he asked, “What do you mean ‘the petals of your soulmate’?” But once he looked down, the shrine priestess was gone, vanished into thin air. _

* * *

The wording couldn’t have been more obscure, but Hijikata finally did manage to figure out what she meant by “the petals of your soulmate.” However, the source of the petals was less than appealing. A man with shaggy, untamed silver hair, who entered the only habitable empty house there was in the village, did not impress Hijikata. If anything, seeing the man only brought Hijikata a sense of loathing he didn’t think was possible. In an attempt to talk to the man with silver hair, he sprinted in his direction, trying hard to make it before he would shut the door.

Realizing the man saw him and immediately slammed the door to his house shut, Hijikata let out a deafening “ _ UGH” _ in frustration. There wasn’t anything he wanted more than was to figure out  _ who this man was _ because he appeared out of thin air. If the man is Hijikata’s soulmate, why was he avoiding Hijikata like the plague? The man saw Hijikata running toward him, but he slammed the door on him anyway. He wanted to at least give him the benefit of the doubt, but it seemed like it would be more challenging than Hijikata initially thought.

* * *

Some snow covered the ground, and Hijikata never saw the man leave his house within the last week. He would never admit it, but Hijikata lingered around the well in the middle of town during the previous week, mere meters away from where the man took refuge, in hopes that he would see the man and confront him about hiding from him like a coward. 

Thinking back to when the door was slammed in his face, his face wore a look of fear that was unwarranted. Hijikata couldn’t comprehend why the man would already be afraid of him when he never interacted with him in the first place. 

Hijikata looked at the windows for any signs of life, hoping that he would be able to see if the man actually proactively avoided him or if he just hasn’t had a reason to leave his house. Certainly, he would need water at some point, and the only way to get water in the village was from that well. Every so often, he would peer into the window of the man’s home, eagerly waiting to see a mop of silver hair.

As much as he would love to say that patience was his virtue, Hijikata became impatient, waiting for the man to wander outside of his house. Throwing caution to the wind, he stomped his way over to the house and slammed his fist on the door, rapping it a few times before stopping. After a few moments, the door budged open slightly, revealing a single ruby-red eye on the other side before the door slammed in his face. The man seemed to not care about any repercussions for slamming a door in someone’s face. Exasperated, Hijikata screamed, “Why are you avoiding me?” His shaky, irate voice overshadowed the genuine question. His fist clenched as he stood outside the door, waiting for any answer at all. The seconds ticked by in a crawl as he waited for a response.

“Because I don’t want to get involved with you.” The muffled response was almost inaudible to Hijikata’s ears.

Hijikata stared at the door, flabbergasted with the words spoken to him. “What do you  _ mean, _ ‘I don’t want to get involved with you’? What’ve I ever done to you!” He seethed with anger. They’ve never even met before! There was no reason for the man to avoid him as he has been. 

“You wouldn’t understand, even if I told you.”

“How could I understand if you won’t talk to me?” Hijikata sighed, “I already know… about  _ that _ if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I know.”

“What do you mean, ‘you know’?” Hijikata questioned what the man was getting at.

“I know the shrine priestess talked to you. She told me you know about  _ that _ .”

“Just open the door,” Hijikata pleaded, “Please.” A moment of silence passed. Antsy, Hijikata sat down, his back facing the door. “I’m not leaving ‘til you open the door.”

It didn’t take long for the man to open the door. Blinded by petals that flew in every which direction they pleased, Hijikata stood up and managed to catch a glimpse of the man with a silvery perm. “What’s your name?” A genuine question that was asked nicely.

The man stayed silent, with a melancholy look in his eyes. Reluctant to speak, the man shifted in his spot, leaning from one foot onto the other. “I’m Gintoki,” he whispered.

“Why are you avoiding me?”

Gintoki stayed silent again, seemingly not wanting to reveal the reason he was avoiding Hijikata. “I… can’t tell you.”

Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows. “What do you mean you can’t tell me?” There couldn’t have been any good reason he couldn’t tell Hijikata why he was avoiding him, but Gintoki stayed silent again. Hijikata sighed, “Why can’t you tell me?”

Shifting his lips to the side, pursing them, Gintoki asked, “Do you believe in reincarnation?”

“No. Why?”

“Because this isn’t the first time we’ve met.”

Cackling, Hijikata replied, “How’s that even possible? We’ve definitely never met before.” Processing the conversation, Hijikata realized that Gintoki was serious with his question. Taken aback, he whispered, “Are you serious when you say this isn’t the first time we’ve met?”

“Yes.” Gintoki’s solemn reply seemed to take hold of Hijikata, making him realize that Gintoki wasn’t lying when he said they met before.

“Oh.” Hijikata didn’t know what else to say. It was hard to believe that they had met before. He wanted to believe Gintoki, but it was hard to do so. “When?”

Gintoki pulled his lip in, chewing on it. He knew the truth would get out eventually, so he decided to tell it now. “About a hundred and seventy-five years ago.”

Hijikata shook his head in disbelief and huffed out a laugh. “What are you? Immortal?” Sarcasm tinted his last question. He didn’t think Gintoki could be immortal, but the idea sat in the realm of possibility. He thought only the gods and goddesses could have eternal life.

Gintoki paused, hesitant to reveal the truth. After a few empty moments, he replied, “Yeah.”

Hijikata’s eyes shot open, wide in surprise. “H-H-How are you immortal?” Fear engulfed him. “Ho-How long have you been alive?” An immortal man stood in front of him. Immortality was something out of a fairy tale. It couldn’t possibly be true, but it was a fact that Hijikata had to face. Gintoki didn’t deny his own immortality, so there was no denying that Gintoki  _ was  _ immortal. Backing away in fear, Hijikata inched further and further away from him, staring wide-eyed at Gintoki.

Gintoki could only stare longingly, dejected from the current situation. Hijikata backing away from him in fear only intensified these feelings, and it wasn’t pleasant for him whatsoever. “It’s been… three hundred and twenty-five years since then,” Gintoki mumbled. Worn out from Hijikata’s behavior, he muttered, “Just go,” and slammed the door shut.

After Gintoki slammed the door shut, a feeling of guilt permeated throughout Hijikata. He knew there was no reason he should feel bad for his reaction, but he did and had no idea why. Peering down at his feet, he felt the need to apologize. Stepping toward the door again, he stopped in his tracks after lifting his hand to knock. After a moment, he gained the courage and knocked on the door with a sigh, hoping that Gintoki would answer and at least hear him out. The door budged slightly once again and revealed that single ruby-red eye that Hijikata, for a moment, found entrancing. “I…” A brief hesitation before he continued, “I’m sorry.”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow, his eyes still showing a quizzical look. “For what? I’d be afraid, too, if I came across an immortal man.” He let out a sigh and continued, “Aren’t you going to run home to your mommy and tell her you’re afraid of the man who moved down the street?” A hint of disdain muddled snarky words.

“As if,” Hijikata shot back. “I’m too old to be running home to my ‘mommy.’” Some budding feelings sprouted in Hijikata, and he found it hard to look into that heartsick red eye. “Why’re you so down? We just met…”

Gintoki blinked for a moment. He huffed, “Why do you care? Do you want to hear the whole story?”

Hijikata shifted his smile to the side, pouting. “…Yeah. I do.”

“Why don’t you come in, then?” Gintoki suggested, opening the door a little wider to invite him in.

* * *

Hijikata listened to the story Gintoki had to tell with open ears. In all actuality, he was quickly absorbed into the first account of his life. None of it was recognizable, but it felt familiar, to say the least. Gintoki explained everything: from their first meeting to the time that Hijikata’s first life ended and what happened to Gintoki afterward. He noted that Gintoki never moved on from the original Hijikata, but it explained all of Gintoki’s fears. Hijikata couldn’t blame Gintoki for feeling fearful of losing him again, and he became enamored by Gintoki as he told his account with a twinkle in his eye. Hijikata never did believe in love at first sight. Still, after this single encounter, he decided that perhaps he should because it would plainly explain the budding feelings that sprouted within him. Seeing Gintoki ecstatically speak of their life together gave Hijikata a sense of belonging that he didn’t feel with anyone else. It only broke his heart when Gintoki told him how he felt like there was nothing left to live for after Hijikata’s first incarnation died. Feeling remorse for leaving Gintoki in such a state, Hijikata only whispered, “I’m sorry” after Gintoki was finished speaking.

Gintoki chuckled, “What’re you sorry for? S’not like it’s your fault you died.” 

“I know, but… hearing about your life after  _ that _ happened…” Hijikata trailed off, finding that it became hard to speak. Sighing, he finished, “It… breaks my heart, hearing how…  _ lost _ you were without me.” He reached out his hand to caress Gintoki’s warm hand. The simple touch of their hands in a warm caress was enough for Hijikata to know that they were meant to be together, regardless of the petals that were the actual indication. The petals died down since they sat down and talked, a sign that they were  _ together _ .

“It’s fine,” Gintoki sighed. “There’s… nothing you could do about it anyway.”

“It’s not.”

“Yes, it is.”

“No, it’s  _ not _ ,” Hijikata growled through clenched teeth. “How could it possibly be fine?”

Gintoki rolled his eyes. Even Hijikata’s personality was the same as his last incarnation. “It’s fine because, like I said, there’s nothing you could have done. It was bound to happen.”

“You haven’t found the elixir, have you?” Hijikata whispered, preparing himself for the inevitable.

Gintoki’s smile shifted to the side as he stared at his feet rather than into Hijikata’s eyes. “No. I didn’t.”

Hijikata knew he shouldn’t frown, but he couldn’t do anything but frown. There was no real reason for him to be as upset as he was, considering the circumstances. The connection they had was undeniable, but that didn’t mean he had a good reason to be as upset over it as he was. “What do you plan on doing now?”

Gintoki only shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know… If you’re going to be around again… y’know, like if there’ll be a third reincarnation of you, I’d like to look again, but….” He trailed off.

Hijikata leaned toward him, eager for him to continue. “But?”

“ _ But I don’t want to spend another one of your lives apart. _ ”

Hijikata’s heart pounded from the way that Gintoki emphasized his words. His eyes widened, and his cheeks flushed. He shook his head, trying to shake the feelings Gintoki gave him out of himself. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words were coming out. He was so flustered from such a sentence that speaking a coherent sentence was downright impossible.

Gintoki reached out and touched Hijikata’s cheek. “What’s wrong?”

Flushing, even more than he already was, Hijikata stammered, “N-nothing’s wrong.” He reached up with his own hand and touched Gintoki’s, stroking the back of his hand with his thumb.

“Something has to be wrong. You’re shaking.” Gintoki pointed out.

Hijikata himself didn’t notice the trembling, but after Gintoki pointed it out, he felt the slight shake in his hand. Hyperventilating, he hopped up from his seat and sprinted out of the house, shouting an “I’m sorry” as he slammed the door shut. He stopped outside the door after slamming it shut, sinking to the cold ground, and tried hard to catch his breath. Trying to get his bearings, he couldn’t help but wonder why he felt this way over a man he just met, but then he thought about how this really  _ wasn’t _ the first time they met, and this meeting was frivolous compared to their last. He didn’t remember any of it. Should he? Such an extraordinary meeting shouldn’t have been forgotten, but it was. Hijikata had no recollection of his first life, yet under Gintoki’s spell, he trembled. He could feel the shakiness in his hands now, even witnessing it when he peered down at his hands! 

As Hijikata breathed deeply, he calmed down, laughing even at how foolish he was being. The laugh was warranted, considering how idiotic he was over the entire ordeal. He still couldn’t accept it, the fact that Gintoki was his soulmate, but it was something he ought to accept. With his thoughts lingering to the girl he always had a crush on, he found that the relationship they had as teens seem so trivial compared to what was in front of him now. What could have been with her was history, and there wasn’t anything he could do about it. He realized that there was no real way for him to neither deny his fate nor steer clear of it. 

Sighing, Hijikata picked himself up off of the ground and lingered for a moment at the door. Facing it, he raised a hand to knock but found it hard to do so, not after making such a scene running away. He weighed his options with what he should do now, whether or not he should just leave or accept his fate with Gintoki. The last thing that lingered on his mind was the fact that Gintoki was a man. He always hoped that the girl he had a crush on since they were kids was his soulmate, but fate had different plans otherwise. 

Hijikata furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips. Had Gintoki not come to the village, he would never have been put in this predicament. From what he has seen, Gintoki wasn’t precisely the most remarkable man. In fact, it seemed like the opposite. But, deciding that accepting fate now rather than later, he knocked on the door, anxiously waiting for Gintoki to open up. For the second time this day, Gintoki’s door creaked open, revealing the same heartsick ruby-red eye that Hijikata found entrancing only hours before. He opened his mouth to speak but found the words ran dry. Gintoki sighed, “What do you want now?”

“I’m sorry,” Hijikata mumbled for a second time that day. He reached around to the back of his neck and rubbed it with his hand. “I’m just… scared.”

“If you’re so scared, why are you even here?”

“Imagine if you were in my shoes!” Hijikata grunted after dropping his hand to his side.

“I was… a hundred and seventy-five years ago,” Gintoki reminded him. The only person this was news to was Hijikata, not both of them. “Listen, if you’re just gonna run out the door again, I’m not letting you in.”

Hijikata pursed his lips. “Fine.” With no real way to back out now, he entered Gintoki’s house for a second time and took a seat on the floor next to the fire. The warmth of the fire radiated in the room and kept it comfortable enough for both of them. He could feel his nerves start to act up as he took his seat on the floor, but he tried his best to calm them. The relatively comfortable situation they were in felt familiar to Hijikata, but he couldn’t place how even with considering the precursor situation he was supposedly in before this life. He pulled his lip in and nibbled on it, finding it hard to find the right words. Speaking to him was damn near impossible, not for the lack of words but for the idea that no matter what he could say, Gintoki might have already heard it from him before. Gintoki took his own seat on the floor across from Hijikata. Once they got talking, it dawned on Hijikata that it really did feel like he knew him a lot longer than he’d been alive, however that was possible. Hijikata could only laugh. “It really does feel like I’ve known you much longer than I actually have.”

“I wasn’t joking when I said we were together in your last life.”

“I didn’t take it as a joke… at least, now I don’t.”

Gintoki shrugged his shoulders as he leaned back on his bed. “It was never a joke in the first place.”

* * *

A few hours passed, and a blanket of darkness covered the land as the snow accumulated more with every passing minute. Realizing that he should go before it became impossible to actually leave, Hijikata picked himself off the ground with Gintoki doing the same. “It’s getting late. I have to get home,” he said with a little bit of reluctance. Before he could even take a step toward the door, he felt a tugging at his shirt and looked down to see Gintoki grasping it.

“Do… you have to go?” Gintoki’s eyes focused on the ground, not even looking up to make eye contact with Hijikata.

“Yeah…” Hijikata trailed off without knowing what else to say. There was a slight indication that he wanted to stay longer; however, waiting would be impossible. His family might worry about him and all, no matter how much he wanted to stay. He placed a hand on the doorknob but found that the actual act of turning the knob was a lot harder than he thought. He hesitated on whether or not he should leave, considering how hard it seemed to go in the first place.

Gintoki gripped his shirt tighter. “I don’t want you to go. I finally have you back. I don’t want you to leave again.” A few tears dribbled out of Gintoki’s eyes and slowly rolled down his cheeks.

Hearing that made it all that much harder for Hijikata to leave. Going against his initial intention to leave, he turned around to face Gintoki, who looked at him with longing lingering in his eyes. He reached up and touched Gintoki’s cheek, caressing it. “Don’t get me wrong… I don’t want to leave, but… my family would worry about me an-”

Hijikata wanted to finish his sentence, but being cut off with a kiss wasn’t an entirely bad thing. Feeling Gintoki’s soft lips on top of his own and his arms snaked around his waist felt natural like it was meant to be that way, only solidifying the budding passion that was ever so slowly developing. He grabbed Gintoki by the shoulders, placing a hand on each one and broke off. Catching his breath, he looked away from Gintoki, unable to bring himself to peer into those eyes that he found entrancing. “Please, stop… You’re making it harder than it already is.” 

“Then, don’t,” Gintoki pleaded, insinuating that there was another option other than leaving. Hijikata knew that he  _ could _ stay, but he knew his brother would worry about him not coming home for the night. It wasn’t in the realm of impracticality that he could just go back and tell his brother he would be out for the night. 

Hijikata wrapped his arms around and lay his head on Gintoki’s shoulders. He huffed out a sigh and gave in. “All right. One night, though.” There was no reason it couldn’t go on longer, but Hijikata found the idea of staying with Gintoki every night unreasonable since he was typically helping to take care of his brother, who was blinded during a raid in the village a few years back. His brother’s wife helped, but could only do so much while also raising a child. It was, perhaps, the only reason Hijikata had yet to leave home.

A sparkle glistened in Gintoki’s eyes when Hijikata agreed to his request. With stars in his eyes, he pulled Hijikata toward his new makeshift bed that was already there when he entered the house for the first time this day. He sat down, swung his legs onto the bed, and pulled Hijikata onto his lap. To Hijikata’s dismay, as soon as Gintoki’s head planted itself on the pillow he created out of some wool and cloth, he was out. Hijikata assumed he must’ve been exhausted from the exciting day he had. Of course, he couldn’t imagine finding a long lost love who came back from the grave after being apart for over a century. Still, it was hard to believe that Gintoki was immortal, but with the recount of his life that he told earlier in the day, Hijikata had no reason to think it was a lie. Everything seemed so trivial in the grand scheme of things, and even though they just met this wintry day, Hijikata couldn’t help but look at the sleeping Gintoki with a particular affection in his eyes, puppy dog eyes he only gave to one other person before.

Afflicted with a passion he never thought would be possible, Hijikata knew it was doomed from the start. His fate would be to die, and Gintoki would have to carry on without him. However, he knew the possibility of reincarnating again was likely if the Shinto gods and goddesses were kind or particularly giving during that year.

Laying down next to him, Hijikata took his fingers and tucked a tuft of unwieldy silver hair behind Gintoki’s ear. His eyes began to droop as weariness took hold of him. Laying his head on Gintoki’s chest, he listened to him mumble in his sleep. Some things were coherent; others were outlandish things that would never make sense. But, one little phrase caught his attention that he didn’t quite expect, but realizing that he has heard it before, it was comforting, knowing that time didn’t change Gintoki’s feelings. Time only made those feelings more pronounced, rather than fading away into nothingness. Even when life interjected their previous peaceful life together with the cold, harsh reality of an immortal man falling in love with a mortal, his feelings never wavered, not even a little bit.

Even though he had worries about the future, an opportunity like this would never arise again. The petals disappeared entirely, cementing their current, ill-starred timeless bond. Hijikata knew he would die and leave Gintoki to fend for himself again, but he decided that he would enjoy what time they had together. And even though he knew nothing of his past life beyond what he was told, the familiarity of laying his head on Gintoki’s chest remained. He expected as time went on, for other things to feel familiar. He thought he should leave for the night, but the comfort of the bed they were on made him reluctant to go home. With Gintoki fast asleep and himself well on the way, Hijikata knew that this night wouldn’t be the last night they spent together but the first of many, and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Right before he fell asleep, his eyes closed, and he smiled, decidedly content with how life turned out.

* * *

The last thing Hijikata expected was Gintoki to announce he was leaving the village twenty years later. The peaceful days of their lives interrupted in an instant with Gintoki’s unorthodox tradition of uprooting himself from his home every twenty years. He knew, at some point, he would have to say goodbye, but he least expected it to be so soon. Hijikata had years before he would have to go, and he was in perfect health, unlike the last time they encountered their final separation. 

During the last twenty years, Gintoki seemed to neglect to tell Hijikata of the tradition he upheld for the last three hundred and forty-five years. Sure, it was to prevent the villagers from becoming proactively aware of his immortality and to prevent unnecessary suffering that Gintoki could potentially go through, but Hijikata felt that the least Gintoki could have done was warn him a few years beforehand. If he was warned years ahead of time, Hijikata could have prepared more for the separation because he knew in his heart that he couldn’t leave the village he had lived in all of his life. With his brother’s wife gone, there was no one to help him other than Hijikata. Abandoning all of his responsibilities to journey to the next village, Gintoki would decide to live in was not a possibility Hijikata could make a reality. The pleading for Hijikata to come with him was only told through the look of Gintoki’s ruby-red eyes. The simple caress of Gintoki’s rough hand with his own only made it harder to maintain the fact he was staying here.

“Please come with me,” Gintoki begged him. There was a hint of desperation hidden in those words, and Hijikata knew it was because they would never see each other again. “Come with me, and help me find the elixir.”

“I can’t. My responsibilities are here. My life is here.” Even though his mind was made up, he still found that it was hard to accept the fact that the last twenty years passed and that there was nothing he could do about Gintoki leaving. He understood, for the most part, why Gintoki had to leave, and he  _ wanted _ to go with him, but the reality of the situation was his brother needed him, and that need came before anything else, even a fated romance that started before the second conception of his being.

Downcasting his eyes, Gintoki dropped the subject. It had been a few days since he told Hijikata the news, and he knew from the start that Hijikata wouldn’t leave his home. Even though twenty years had passed, he never left his boyhood home, and he was well into his forties now.

Hijikata noticed at the fifteen-year mark that Gintoki’s appearance never changed, and it was then when he realized that immortality was real. There was an elixir out there that can turn his mortal status into everlasting existence. “Gintoki…” He dragged off and held Gintoki’s cheek in his hand, “Find the elixir. I’m sure there will be another life for me.”

Gintoki only sighed, but it was a sigh of relief. With the reincarnation in mind, he didn’t know when Hijikata would reincarnate again, because he has not died yet, and there’s no estimation on when he would. The best he could do was wait and search for the elixir again. “Okay.”

Deciding that leaving during the night would be the best choice, he packed only the necessary things in his bag, leaving some of the stuff he has accumulated over the last two decades for Hijikata. Something as a memento of their time together, so that way, he was not easily forgotten, not that he thought Hijikata would forget in the first place. With a longing that he knew would be a consistent presence in his life for God knows how long, he picked up his bag and stepped in front of the door, only to peer over his shoulder back at Hijikata, who was trying to hold himself together the best he could. “Don’t forget me, all right?” He flashed a smile at him and then made his way out the door and into the snowy landscape.

It may have been over three hundred years since he started his tradition of leaving the villages in the snow, but he didn’t seem to want to break it. After years of struggling to get started in a village with snow on the ground, he still didn’t want to wait to leave. The dangerous outcomes that could come with waiting just a little bit longer than normal frightened Gintoki, so, therefore, he did not change his patterns.

His steps in the snowy forest left tracks that he tried his best to cover up. The last thing he needed was to be robbed and slaughtered in the middle of a forest that he was only mildly familiar with. 

With the sun setting, it meant that he would have to stop for the night. The first night without Hijikata in twenty years would be hard, but he put on his front that he would be okay. He cleared a spot on the trail he was on to build a fire that would keep him warm for the night, and once that fire was built and lit, a strange red dot caught his attention, which led to another and another and another before he saw a big splash of bright red blood next to a tree that was nearby. Being only a little bit afraid, he returned to his camp, bundling up under his blanket, praying the night would go by fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!  
> I've decided that with completing my goal of 100k words within a year of writing again, I'd update as a celebration!
> 
> As for an update, at the time of this writing, Chapter 6 is just about done. I pretty much wrote the whole thing today, so I'm still 3 chapters ahead right now, as I'll finish chapter 6 tonight and start fresh tomorrow writing chapter 7.  
> D&D hasn't started yet, so I still have plenty of writing time right now, so I'll try my best to get chapter 7 done by then. However, once it does start, I'm going to start updating bi-monthly instead of monthly.
> 
> Either way, this chapter is a long one. Thanks for reading!


	4. Spring 1467

Tsukuyo knew something suspicious was going on when she caught Gintoki staring at a man in the distance. She furrowed her eyebrows in not only confusion but circumspect, carefully weighing all of her options on how to confront her husband about his gawking. She called out for him, but he wasn’t responding, just seemingly lost in thought. She peered in the direction he was looking and caught a glimpse of the man. He was just... a man. Nothing fantastical about him that deemed staring necessary. As she witnessed him walking toward both of them, she could feel the uneasiness that radiated from her husband from the other side of the yard. He wasn’t one to get frightened easily, so she knew there had to be a reason for him to be so anxious. She wondered if she thought he was a threat to her home, but from what she witnessed of his behavior pattern from seeing the stranger, she concluded that he didn’t think of the man as a threat. She, once again, called out to Gintoki, who stood in what she thought was paralyzing fear, and he didn’t hear her. The man inched ever so slowly toward their home but was still in the distance. Fed up with being ignored, she stomped her way over to Gintoki and grabbed him by the ear, breaking him out of his trance, which she realized that it wasn’t out of fear but an odd affection she didn’t understand. Now with a good reason to confront her husband, she growled, “Can’t you hear me?”

After Tsukuyo grabbed his ear, Gintoki yelped in pain. Her fingernails dug into the pinna of his ear to the point where it would leave marks for several seconds before going back to normal. He looked at her with a disgusted face. “Can you let go of my ear? I fucking hear you now.”

Tsukuyo let go of his ear and snorted. “What’s so fascinating about the man in the distance? You’ve been staring at him since he caught your eye.” He bumbled syllables but not actual words, and she squinted her eyes in skepticism. Done with his antics, she spat, “Would you spit it out already?”

Gintoki shut his mouth almost immediately after her irritability showed from him fumbling his words. He looked away from her. He pulled his lip in and bit it but quickly released it and muttered, “That guy’s my soulmate.”

Tsukuyo pursed her lips, crossing her arms in front of her body. She knew the whole tale of events that lead up to her meeting him again in this life. Surprisingly, she remembered him and her feelings for him instantly, contrasting Hijikata in his second life. “How can you tell?”

“The flowers… You can’t see them, but… I can see them crystal clear. There’s so many of them this time.” He stopped there, not explaining the flowers or anything about them beyond the fact that he could see them, and she could not.

Confused as to how she couldn’t see them, she decided to not pry for more information, but as the man inched toward them, she thought of her next steps. She knew the man decided to stop here. Perhaps out of curiosity about why he saw flowers or just to ask to have a place to sleep for the night. As he came closer, she saw the handle of the sword he was carrying. The sword was sheathed, of course, but the aura of being ready to pick a fight radiated from him. It wasn’t an uncommon thing for a ronin to rob homes or cause conflicts against other samurai and villagers simply for the fact that they could. With the stranger’s figure growing larger with every step, she looked at Gintoki, whose affectionate eyes clearly did not see the possible danger that could be approaching. The rose-colored glasses he wore made the red flags just look like flags.

After a few more moments, the man was in talking distance, meaning there was no way for Tsukuyo to communicate any form of a plan in case things go sour. Standing her ground, she waited for the initial conversation, but he didn’t speak until he was directly in front of them. An aura that told him to not fool around rayed from her. She furrowed her eyebrows as he began to speak. “I was wondering if I could room here for the night.” She sensed that he wasn’t hesitant of her menacing behavior as he stood there with a deadpan look in his eyes, a look which inarguably read that he didn’t find her as a threat. She peered over at her husband for a brief second to see that he had stars in his eyes rather than being hesitant about this man staying in their house for a night. Neither of them knew whether or not things would go sour, and they would both end up dead rather than surviving with him. However, Gintoki said nothing to him, which she found curious.

“It depends on whether or not you can help for the time being.” Tsukuyo didn’t intend for him to stay unless he helped out around the house for the night. She didn’t want to openly welcome him into their home without getting something in return. However, she was still hesitant about welcoming him in. There was still the fact that he could easily rob them, even though that didn’t seem like that was his intention.

The man looked at Gintoki and then at Tsukuyo before saying, “I’ll help as long as I can have a place to sleep.”

Tsukuyo, seemingly satisfied with his answer, welcomed him and introduced herself and her husband. With nothing left to say, for the time being, she went inside her home to prepare a bed for him.

* * *

Hijikata stood in front of Gintoki, with his view blinded by little buds of two connected cherry blossom petals. He paused for a moment before saying anything. It was a hard task, finding the right words because he was inquisitive about the flowers that surrounded him and the petals that surrounded Gintoki. “Why are there flowers surrounding us?” He asked so blatantly, deciding to not beat around the bush. Staring directly into Gintoki’s eyes, he could sense there was something about him that seemed familiar, but there was no reason for him to be familiar. He had no memories of meeting Gintoki whatsoever, but the feeling of familiarity was still there, and it was blatantly obvious.

A soft smile graced Gintoki’s lips. “We’re soulmates, y’know.”

Hijikata’s lips twisted in a way he didn’t think was possible. An immediate distaste formed within him. This guy was married; he shouldn’t get involved in something like that. However, a blip of a memory played in his mind, a memory that he knew didn’t occur in his short lifetime. He didn’t know where it came from or why he remembered it, but it was undoubtedly about the man who stood in front of him. Searing pain from the memory radiated around his head, and he grasped his head in hopes that the pain would go away. He looked wide-eyed at Gintoki, who looked at him with nothing but compassion and devotion, and he couldn’t look away. He found Gintoki’s ruby-red eyes so entrancing that it was excruciatingly hard to look elsewhere. He realized he knew Gintoki, but he didn’t know how. “How… How do I know you?”

“I’ve known you for two different lives. Now, a third.”

Hijikata’s eyes couldn’t open wider than they already were. Engulfed in the sudden shock, he found himself shaking. He was never scared of danger. There was no doubt about it. However, finding a soulmate who claimed that he knew him for several lives now was undoubtedly absurd. Hijikata knew about reincarnation, but he didn’t believe it was real. His world almost came crashing down around him from this one encounter. He didn’t believe it; he  _ couldn’t _ believe it. It defied all logic and reasoning. It was a hard truth to swallow, and he choked on it. The ability to accept this fact was beyond him. He can’t; he  _ won’t _ accept it. There was no need to do so. He let go of his head, and his arms dropped to his sides. He stared Gintoki down, putting his hand on the hilt of his sword. He unsheathed it and pointed the blade toward Gintoki, who put up his hands in front of his chest. “Who are you?”

“Okay, let’s all calm down.” Gintoki tried to de-escalate the situation. “I’m Gintoki. My wife told you my name.”

“No.  _ Who _ are you?” Hijikata knew his name. It didn’t need to be repeated. “You claim you’ve known me for two other lifetimes.  _ How _ have you known me for two other lifetimes if that’s even a true statement to begin with?” He hid his own desperation to understand the situation, not that he wanted to show his anguish in the first place. He stared Gintoki down, his anger apparent in his eyes. He wasn’t afraid to cut him down. Why should he be? Gintoki was only an average human being, so, therefore, he would die just as easily as any other person. Hijikata didn’t want to become a tsujigiri. Killing for the sake of killing was not his forte, but he felt threatened by Gintoki. He knew that Gintoki told him the truth, but how it was possible was his actual question. From what it seemed, Gintoki’s aura radiated a slight worry. He was defenseless with no way to jump to action if Hijikata attacks.

“Hijikata, listen,” Gintoki began to say before being sliced from one shoulder down to his waist diagonally and his stomach punctured by Hijikata’s sword. Searing pain radiated from both wounds, and Gintoki collapsed to the ground once the sword was removed. “You bastard, what’d you do that for?!” Gintoki shrieked at the top of his lungs. Shaking off the pain, Gintoki rose from the ground, holding the wound on his stomach. “Now, I’m gonna have these ugly scars for no reason!”

Wide-eyed, Hijikata backed up slowly, away from Gintoki, on the brink of bursting out into a full-blown sprint in the other direction. His breath caught in his throat. “H-H-How are you alive still?” The stuttering made his anxiety quite clear to Gintoki to the point where Gintoki attempted to calm him the best he could, but nothing could calm him. He simply could not relax in this sort of situation to the point where his first instinct was to run, and he did. He turned right around and hightailed it out of there and fast, but that didn’t stop the injured Gintoki to burst out into full sprint to catch up and tackle Hijikata to the ground, his legs pinning Hijikata arms as he sat on his chest.

“Would you calm down for a second?” Gintoki spoke through gritted teeth. “You didn’t give me a chance to explain.”

Hijikata stayed silent. He didn’t find the need to explain his own actions toward Gintoki even though it was likely that he was just scared. The only thing that came to mind was that Gintoki was immortal and couldn’t die, regardless of the injuries he sustained.

“All right. As you can tell, I can’t die, regardless of the injuries I take,” Gintoki started off with a quick quip. “I know your dying question is if I’m immortal, and congratulations, sunshine, you found that out pretty quick, don’t cha think?” The almost too nonchalant attitude that Gintoki had toward the entire situation almost disturbed Hijikata. He didn’t understand for a second why Gintoki was so relaxed and casual about mentioning his immortality. Gintoki did cover the wound he had on his stomach with his hand, even though the blood that poured out stained his clothes a dark crimson color. Gintoki took Hijikata’s arm and pinned it next to his head. “I’ve been  _ waiting for you  _ for several decades now. Is that a proper way to greet your fucking soulmate, bastard?”

“Get off me!” Hijikata’s paralyzing fear turned into a fit of rage. He wiggled around, trying hard to break from the hold he was in. The last thing he wanted was to be pinned to the point where he was trapped and couldn’t escape. However, the last thing on his mind was the idea of escaping. If anything, he wanted to cut Gintoki down to the point where he wouldn’t recover or, at least, maimed, so he could just go on his way and attempt to forget this entire encounter. That’s what he really wanted: to forget the whole encounter. “I don’t care if you’re my soulmate! I can’t ever fall for a man like you!”

“What makes you think that?” Gintoki leaned in toward Hijikata, their faces awfully close to each other. The rage was evident in Gintoki’s eyes. Hijikata finally realized that Gintoki was waiting for him for a long enough time that such a rude greeting would be the last way he wanted to get from Hijikata, and there was a slightly guilty feeling within Hijikata.

“Because you’re immortal! Never mind the entire married thing. That was my first thought whenever you said we were soulmates.” Hijikata growled his words, gritting his teeth in the process. He felt the anger was justified. He was  _ not _ getting involved with an immortal person, let alone a married man. The last thing he needed was Gintoki siccing his wife on him because, in this particular case, the wife seemed much scarier than the husband. Freeing his arm from Gintoki’s grip, he grabbed hold of Gintoki’s shirt and flipped him so that he would be on top. “I am  _ not  _ getting involved with you.” And with the end of the sentence, he spat toward the side and picked himself up. He began to walk away before he felt a tug at the sleeve of his kimono. He turned around to see Gintoki standing and holding his sleeve and swatted Gintoki’s hand away.

“Hijikata, please… Don’t go,” Gintoki pleaded with his former lover, tears in his eyes gushing out almost uncontrollably. “I’ve waited for you for so long, and I can’t believe you’re gonna walk away after everything.”

Seeing the tears gush out of Gintoki’s eyes, half of Hijikata felt pity, but the other felt rather weak for him, a side of him that he was trying his hardest to ignore. Caving, he put his hand on Gintoki’s shoulder, a small touch that made him feel far too much for what it was worth. A rarely merciful Hijikata could only feel some type of compassion for a man that was his supposed soulmate. Petals and blooms were flying in every which direction in the meantime. “I can’t… help you, Gintoki.” He felt regret in those words as if he wanted to help him. “I’m not meant for domestic life,” He paused briefly and decided that he wished for Gintoki to come with him, even though he had just shown him the cold shoulder. It was beyond him what he was doing, but he didn’t question it as it just felt like the right thing to do. “Come with me.”

Gintoki raised his eyebrows, and he wrapped a hand around the back of his neck. Choking back tears in his eyes, his voice cracked. “I’ve missed you so much. You scared me when you were trying to chase me away.”

Hijikata thought his whole body flushed a red because he could feel the heat rise in his cheeks, and his knees knocked. He didn’t know it was possible for him to feel that way about anyone beyond the girl back in his home village, but of course, life was always full of surprises. Life twists and turns in more ways than Hijikata thought possible, but he didn’t question it, especially when the cherry blossom blooms faded away after Gintoki wrapped his arms around him. He wasn’t one to assume, but he concluded that the cherry blossoms were the indicator that they were soulmates. “I know you think you’re not meant for domestic life right now; you were at one point in my life, but I… can understand why you feel that way or not,” Gintoki said.

Breaking free from Gintoki’s hold, Hijikata peered into Gintoki’s eyes, which were a direct view into his aging soul with an eternal body. From just that view of his eyes, he could feel the love and passion he has for Hijikata because this wasn’t his first rodeo with him. Hijikata placed a hand on Gintoki’s cheek. “I want you to tell me everything. From start to finish.”

And with a loving smile on his face, Gintoki obliged, taking hold of his hand and him toward the woods in a more secluded place, so they could talk freely.

* * *

After about an hour or so, the entire story of their lives together was told once again, now, with the addition to Hijikata’s second life. Even with Gintoki’s excitement and that blip of memory that Hijikata had when he first laid eyes on Gintoki, Hijikata remained skeptical. He did, in fact, find it hard to believe. It wasn’t the fact that Gintoki told it from start to finish without issue, but it was the fact that he had no memory of his past two lives to really confirm whether Gintoki was full of shit or not.

Being told what happened in his former lives was more fantastical than believable. However, with the fluidity of Gintoki’s word just gushing from him with almost no break for air and the detailed account he gave made no mistake that what he told was the truth or at least some form of the truth. Hijikata had no way of knowing whether what stories he told were just tall tales or not, but with how quick Gintoki healed from Hijikata’s blade piercing his skin, there was no reason for Hijikata to really deny or at least refuse to believe what he was told.

After Gintoki announced the end of his tale with the present time, Hijikata sat on the tree stump, stunned from what he heard. With such a detailed account, there was no mistaking the truth. Now, it was in Hijikata’s hands to either accept his fate or rebel against it. He paused as he gave some thought to his next actions, carefully assessing every possible move and their potential outcomes. A small inkling of love toward Gintoki sprouted within him as he blushed at the idea of staying with him. Gradually, he became upset because of those feelings because, clearly, Gintoki wouldn’t leave his home or Tsukuyo for a traveling ronin who wouldn’t be able to feed or clothe him. He stayed silent as the internal battle went on, trying so hard to shove these feelings down within him so that there would be no mistake with asking Gintoki to come with him on his journey.

Hijikata sighed. “I don’t think you should come with me…” He trailed off. He realized this was for the best. There was no reason for him to join him in a lifestyle that, he thought, wouldn’t fit his style. However, he neglected the idea that Gintoki waited for him for several decades before he reencountered him.

Gintoki puckered his lips and, then, quickly relaxed his face. He knelt down, putting a hand on Hijikata’s knee, and peered right through his ocean blue eyes. “I don’t care what you think I should do. I’m gonna do as I please, and I want to come with you.”

“What about her?”

“Who cares about her? It wouldn’t have worked out between us when you came along anyway. Even she knows that.” Gintoki placed a hand on Hijikata’s cheek, gazing into lovely blue eyes that contrasted his red ones.

A small smile graced Hijikata’s lips. “Okay.”

* * *

Leaving in the middle of the night was Gintoki’s only solution. The only fundamental reasoning Gintoki told Hijikata was that it was the only way Tsukuyo wouldn’t clutch his arm in the attempt to get him to stay. It wasn’t as if he didn’t care about Tsukuyo. He did, but his and Hijikata’s fated bond was much stronger than their weak relationship could ever be. 

Gintoki didn’t have it in him to just tell her he was leaving. He didn’t want to admit that it hurt him a lot more than expected, leaving a life he built with her. A minuscule part of him wanted to stay, or at least convince Hijikata to stay, so he could have both of them at the same time. The reality was that he wouldn’t be able to hide his love for Hijikata over Tsukuyo, and it was just going to end in a disaster, one way or another. 

He told Hijikata to wait outside as he quickly but quietly gathered his things or at least the things that he could take with him. He neither knew where they were going, nor did he care. The only thing that mattered was the fact that they were going to be together longer than twenty years this time, and Gintoki couldn’t wait. 

Gathering what clothes he had and stuffing them into an empty burlap sack, Gintoki purposefully chose to leave everything else behind. He could only imagine how much it would hurt for her to wake up to an empty bed and house if he decided to take anything else. She didn’t deserve what he intended to do, but he knew that once Hijikata left, he would only pine for him for the rest of her life until the next time he reencountered him. The moonlight gave off just enough light for him to find the doorknob, which he placed a hand on. He looked over his shoulder and smiled affectionately toward her, mentally thanking her for her time with him now that it has come to a close. He opened the door and walked out, now bound on a journey to a place--he didn’t know where, nor did he care--with someone he would rather be with.

* * *

The rest of spring and the summer flew by in a flash. Every night was at a different place, but it was always with Hijikata. If Gintoki were honest, he would admit that he had forgotten what it was like spending time with Hijikata like he had been, but Gintoki would rather die than admit that he forgot what it was like spending his life with Hijikata. It was a feeling for which he had been longing for several centuries now. Sharing the same sleeping space again with him was an adventure in itself with the way Hijikata grumbled and moved in his sleep. A bed was a rarity as families they impeded on rarely ever had spare beds for them to lay on, so they made do with the floor most of the time.

They spent their days traveling between towns and villages and searching for clues of the elixir, but they had no such luck with any leads on it. It didn’t matter to Gintoki. Well, it  _ did _ matter, but not as much as spending more time with Hijikata.

The leaves were slowly changing colors as autumn was upon the landscape. Like with previous incarnations of Hijikata, when they were  _ together _ , the cherry blossoms faded away, leaving just the two of them and the disgustingly cute look in their eyes when they looked into each other’s eyes.

Gintoki couldn’t have been happier. He was doing two things he wanted to do at the same time: looking for the elixir and spending his time with Hijikata. They traveled from place to place, never staying longer than a few days in one area. It was peaceful for the most part, although they bickered almost any chance they got.

After several long days of traveling, a devastated Kyoto came into view. Gintoki took hold of his sword’s hilt, not quite yet removing it from its sheath. Fires blazed on what parts of buildings were left, and everything else was razed. Gintoki looked over to his side and, then, toward Hijikata, who also had his hand on his sword’s hilt. “Let’s split up and see if we can find any survivors.”

Gintoki had no doubts about whether Hijikata could fend for himself or not. They dueled several times to keep their skills sharp as they traveled. Hijikata was no match for Gintoki. Gintoki’s skills were superior, but then again, he had centuries of practice compared to Hijikata’s years. Even with the difference in the amount of practice they had, Hijikata still grumbled after every loss he experienced. Before splitting up, they decided on a meeting spot, a spot that was hidden from the naked eye. A safe haven in the mayhem that Gintoki knew would go down in history books.

Gintoki moved debris and shouted for someone to answer. After forty minutes of looking and getting no responses or finding dead bodies, men, women, and children alike, he decided to head for the meeting spot. He hoped that Hijikata felt the same and was already there. With his eyes peeled, Gintoki crept his way back, his hand never leaving his sword’s hilt. Once he got to the spot, Gintoki noticed that Hijikata was not there. Only slightly worried, he decided that he would wait a few more minutes to give Hijikata a little bit more time.

In spite of the waiting, Hijikata never showed. An expression of worry stretched its way onto Gintoki’s face. It wasn’t like Hijikata to be away from him for so long. If Gintoki was honest, he would reckon they were never apart longer than fifteen minutes. A sense of dread clouded Gintoki’s judgment, him running through the devastated streets of Kyoto, desperately searching high and low for his soulmate. The pungent scent of death and burnt flesh was inescapable. The heat of the fires that raged on didn’t help one bit with keeping Gintoki dry, sweat drenching him and his kimono.

Gintoki continued to run through, looking desperately for any sign of Hijikata and calling his name with what seemed like no breath in between the times he screamed his name. Every moment that passed brought on more desperation to find him.

And Gintoki stopped dead in his tracks, eyes wide in terror. There Hijikata lay in the middle of the street, his kimono drenched in blood. He sprinted up to him, kneeling instantly, but hesitated on touching Hijikata, who he noticed was still breathing. With the puncture wound Gintoki saw on Hijikata’s torso gushing blood, he knew exactly what happened, but, still, he looked down at Hijikata, caressing his face, and said, “Hijikata… what happened?”

At first, there was no response. Gintoki’s thoughts took a turn for the worst, and he could feel the tears well in his eyes as he attempted to hold them back. “Gintoki…” Hijikata’s voice was faint but audible, bringing a little bit of hope to Gintoki’s world that he wasn’t too late. Hijikata reached up, lightly touching Gintoki’s cheek.

“What happened?”

“A Tsujigiri… came out of… nowhere… I… didn’t have a chance,” Hijikata barely managed to say, coughing in between almost every word.

Gintoki could tell he was holding on by a thread, and he couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. He knew that their time came to a forced close, and he didn’t like it. He didn’t like it one bit that Hijikata was being ripped away from him again, but there was nothing he could do. He took his haori and pressed it into Hijikata’s puncture wound in some vain attempt to stop the bleeding, but he knew there was no use in trying to save him. There was already so much blood on the ground that he knew that saving Hijikata wasn’t an option at this point. The only thing he could do was watch him die. And watching that light leave Hijikata’s eyes only drained Gintoki of what hope he had left. He knew that Hijikata would reincarnate again. He knew that in the back of his mind, but when would he reincarnate? Where would he see him again?

Their time was cut short, and the only thing Gintoki could do was continue on to find the elixir. He picked up Hijikata’s body, taking it to the outskirts to bury him. 

After burying his body in what was left of the woods, Gintoki walked away from the remains of Kyoto and in the direction of his home, knowing full well that Tsukuyo would give him an earful when he returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> As I'm officially 4 chapters ahead of where I should be, I felt I should post as a celebration (even though my last posting was a celebration post). With the way I'm working, it's likely I could make my posting schedule biweekly rather than monthly. However, with a steamy scene I wrote in chapter 7, I'm pretty sure I'm about to derail my entire plot to the point where extra chapters will be written (so a good thing for you guys, and a bad thing to me) to add to the subplot that I built in starting with chapter 8.
> 
> Either way, I'm chugging along, and I'm pretty sure I could finish chapter 8 right after I post this chapter, so I'll still be well ahead of where I need to be, especially if I keep having inspiration strikes like I have been.
> 
> Either way, thanks for reading and leave a comment if you're feeling generous! I always like to interact with those who read my stories!


	5. Winter 1514

During the winter months, the army stayed dormant. The bitter cold tended to prevent any warfare or battles to occur, which was a nice break from what Gintoki started to consider a hassle. The constant strife that he experienced during the summer and fall exhausted him to the point where he hoped that battles would be limited.

Gintoki was the last one to return to his tent. He sat there at the fire, soaking up as much warmth as he could before returning to his tent for the night. It was there when he saw the petals again. Pastel pink petals slowly drifted downward along with the snow flurries. Despite that, now, he had to find the elixir. Losing Hijikata a fourth time wasn’t going to be an option. However, he would have to convince Hijikata to come with him, and, in turn, desert the army that so graciously let him in when he had no place else to go. Tsukuyo died, and she hadn’t reincarnated yet. So, there would be no way for him to live with her, and of course, he still didn’t stay longer than twenty years in any place at any given time.

Picking himself up from the ground, Gintoki looked left and, then, right but couldn’t find the man who was the source of the petals. He wondered for a moment if it was even a good idea to search him out, but he longed to see Hijikata again after forty-seven long years. He wandered through the camp, playing hot and cold with petals and at least trying to figure out where Hijikata was, but as he got closer to the daimyo’s tent, petals blew in every direction surrounding Gintoki. He stopped in his tracks when a man walked out of the tent and was surrounded by petals.

Hijikata stopped in his tracks, holding a hand out to grab hold of one of the blooms that flew around him. He took hold of one of them and felt the ripples of the veins in the blooms. Searching for any form of a clue that he could find as to why he was surrounded by three petal blooms, his eyes landed on Gintoki, who had a broad smile on his face. Just from his eyes landing on Gintoki, he winced as a searing pain radiated through his head as a blip of memory played through his head.

Gintoki witnessed the pained expression that graced Hijikata’s face. He knew that he remembered something from his past lives, but he didn’t know what memory it could have been. Was it his last instance of his death or when they had both previously met? Either way, Gintoki was just happy to see him again. Then again, he wondered how he would react to finding out that the petals symbolized that they were soulmates. The last time he mentioned it, Hijikata sliced and stabbed him with his sword. Hijikata began walking toward him after Gintoki thought that he recovered slightly from the pain. His face wore an infuriating look that made Gintoki nervous. When reaching Gintoki, he stopped only feet away from him. “I… I know you.”

“How do you know me?” Gintoki genuinely asked, playing dumb to avoid being stabbed again.

“A memory that I don’t remember… We met before…” Hijikata trailed off, looking away for a moment but then back at Gintoki again. “You… cried because I died.”

Gintoki raised an eyebrow, his act fooling Hijikata. He wondered if he should just tell Hijikata what he knows. Still, the idea of getting assaulted again was less than favorable. “Do you believe in immortality?”

“No. Should I?”

“You definitely should because that memory wasn’t fake whatsoever.” Gintoki’s voice trailed off as he mentioned that the memory wasn’t fake. “You… were cut down by a Tsujigiri forty-seven years ago.”

Hijikata’s face contorted in a way that showed his skepticism. “Are you sure about that?”

“One-hundred percent positive.” Gintoki sighed. “Stab me. See what happens.” He knew that Hijikata wouldn’t believe him right away, so he decided to let him attempt to kill him. It wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience, but he knew it would be the fastest way to get Hijikata to believe him.

Hijikata immediately denied the opportunity. “I’m not gonna do that.”

“Why? It’ll, at least, prove that what I say is the truth.”

“Are you really immortal?”

Gintoki sighed again. “Why would I lie about that? I’m immortal, and you’re my soulmate. This is the fourth time we’ve met, and when you die, I doubt it’ll be the last time I see you.”

Hijikata paused. “I find that hard to believe. Why would you of all people be my soulmate? Pretty sure that was the girl I left at home.”

Gintoki could sense the conversation starting to become hostile, so before it became worse, he began to walk away. “Fight it all you want. Doesn’t make your girl back home, your soulmate.” He waved Hijikata off, not saying anything else to fuel a fire that he knew would grow out of control.

“At least, let me sleep in your tent. Everyone else seems like they’re already in bed.” Hijikata pushed the issue, not worrying any longer about the Soulmate Flowers. “I don’t want to disturb them.”

“Yeah, yeah, but don’t expect to sleep in my bed.” Gintoki signaled him to come with him. “There’s only room for one person.”

* * *

A few months passed by, and springtime arrived in what seemed like no time at all. With the days getting longer and the nights growing shorter, Gintoki could only groan with waking up even earlier than during the winter, but he obliged as he should. Hijikata eventually got his own tent as time went on, but he seemed to enjoy sneaking to Gintoki’s tent in the middle of the night. Gintoki noticed that Hijikata became rather fond of him but never pulled the trigger to initiate anything. He didn’t mind. Just being close to Hijikata was enough for right now. Pushing the idea of being together would likely be struck down regardless of how often Hijikata came to his tent in the middle of the night.

“Oi, are you getting up?” Hijikata shook Gintoki as he spoke, attempting to wake him up.

“I’m already awake. Your snoring usually keeps me up at night.” Gintoki said while lying on his back and picking at his ears. 

Hijikata looked at him in distaste as he witnessed Gintoki pick at his ears. “If it’s such a bother to you, why do you let me sleep here almost every night?”

Gintoki sighed as he sat up, blinking and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. “Because you’re my soulmate, and I’ve loved you in every life you’ve had, including this one.”

Hijikata blushed from Gintoki telling him he loved him but said nothing in return. He left the tent, leaving Gintoki in peace as he started to get ready for the move.

* * *

The forest was peaceful, for the most part, beyond the agonizing paranoia that spread between the troops. The men kept their eyes peeled. There was something beyond eery about the forest, but Gintoki couldn’t place a finger on why it seemed so relaxing. Perhaps it was the green of the trees and foliage or the sounds of nature surrounding them.

Staying close together, Hijikata and Gintoki marched in the back. Their bags of equipment weighed them down, which Gintoki thought would make them more susceptible to attacks, but they continued on with it on their backs. His eyes zipped around, staying alert to any possible ambush they could encounter. Hijikata was just as alerted, his eyes also zipping around as quickly as possible to find any hidden enemies that would be able to cut them down.

Just as the men began to relax, thinking there was nothing to fear, an arrow shot out of the woods, striking a samurai right in the throat, him dropping to the ground. And then, a second arrow… third arrow… fourth arrow… By the fourth arrow, panic set in, and all of them went into defensive mode as the realization that an ambush was afoot.

Drawing their swords, the men, including Gintoki and Hijikata, launched into attack mode as a barrage of enemies rushed toward them, ensuing a battle with clashing swords. The sounds of metal bounced off of the bark of the trees and the blades against each other.

Following the flow of battle, Gintoki’s fearlessness helped him immensely. Perhaps the idea of taking a fatal blow wouldn’t strike him down to the point of death helped his performance during the blows between swords. His years of experience shined through, his current combatant becoming fearful as Gintoki sliced through him with no problem. A particularly dull look in his eyes made the enemy realize that this wasn’t Gintoki’s first time facing battle, nor would it be his last. Once Gintoki made his final cut on him, the combatant realized that he was no match, screaming _Shiroyasha_ at him and warning his comrades to avoid Gintoki.

Gintoki didn’t mind that at all. The lack of focus on him made it easier for him to focus on protecting Hijikata, but… it didn’t help as he heard mangled screaming and witnessed Hijikata’s forearm fall right off from a slice of an enemy’s sword;, and, then, even worse, as Hijikata’s leg was given the same treatment, rendering him useless on the battlefield.

Gintoki’s worst dreams were realized. He refused to accept that their time was coming to a close already, mere months after they met again. 

Rushing over to Hijikata, Gintoki tore off the sleeves of his kimono and applied a tourniquet the best he could after seeing the massive blood loss Hijikata went through. He tried his hardest to save him from early death and not having a repeat of the last life he had. The rest of the enemies focused on the retreating army that seemingly decided to leave the dead in an attempt to save what men were left. Hearing the retreat signal, Gintoki ignored it, choosing instantly that he wasn’t retreating. He would rather die than leave Hijikata behind.

“Stay with me,” Gintoki whispered, his voice audibly heard as the forest was silent now. Not a sound was made, not even by any animals passing by or insects crawling around.

Hijikata looked into Gintoki’s eyes, his hand reaching up to wipe the tears that rolled down Gintoki’s cheek. “Is everything gonna be alright?”

Gintoki smiled slightly, “Yeah.” With the lack of limbs, Hijikata had a hard time trying to sit up, let alone stand up. Gintoki tried his best, putting a hand to his back to steady him as he sat up. The hardest part of getting Hijikata up was trying to get him to stand on only one leg. The bleeding came to a halt after Gintoki applied the tourniquets. Gintoki realized that there was no way Hijikata was going to be able to walk. Once Hijikata was on his leg, Gintoki faced the opposite direction, his hand still holding Hijikata up, and kneeled down. “Get on. You’re not gonna be able to walk, even with my help.”

Hijikata shifted his smile with the realization of how severe his injuries are setting in. He realized that with the loss of his arm and leg, he will no longer be able to sustain the life he lived until now. He wrapped his arm around Gintoki’s neck and hopped onto his back. “You didn’t have to stay for me. You could’ve gone with them.”

With Hijikata on his back, Gintoki began his trek in the woods. Abandoning all of his gear beyond his sword, the first thing on his agenda was to find shelter. Something… Anything. Just something habitable that would protect them from the elements. He didn’t know if he would be able to find anything close by. With the density of the trees, it would be impossible to build a home without cutting some of them down, so he continued on, giving Hijikata a piggyback ride. He could feel Hijikata’s heart thump from being so close to him, and it only made Gintoki blush. He wanted nothing more than to lay Hijikata down and make love to him right then and there, but there were more pressing matters at hand.

After a few hours of trekking through the woods, they laid eyes on a structure that was in an open field just outside of the woods. Gintoki breathed a sigh of relief. He couldn’t imagine how Hijikata was feeling, but he knew what he had to do next. They trekked up to the door and knocked, unsure if anyone lived in the structure, but hopefully, if the owner was kind, Gintoki hoped they would allow them to stay there until Hijikata healed; or, better yet, let them live there instead. Gintoki knew that it would be harder to live away from a village. Still, at the same time, it would give Hijikata and Gintoki the peace and quiet life they deserved after so many years apart.

A grumpy old man cracked the door and squinted his eyes after laying his eyes on Hijikata and Gintoki. “We don’t want to intrude, but would it be okay to stay here for a little bit, at least, until his wounds heal?”

The old man grumbled but continued to let them in. The home consisted of only one room, but there was more than one bed. Gintoki thanked the gods for that blessing. The blazing fire in the fire pit warmed the room to a sweltering temperature, and there was one single window, just big enough to shine some sunlight into the dark, dank room. Gintoki did not seem to mind. He had lived in worse places when traveling around. The only thing he would consider an obstacle would be that there was no privacy divider, but building one was not at the top of Gintoki’s priority list, but healing Hijikata’s wounds was.

Kneeling down, Gintoki allowed Hijikata to jump down off his back and back onto his leg. Gintoki ushered the old man out, mentioning that things would get rather plangent in there shortly. He helped Hijikata lay on the floor and put his sword in the fire, letting it burn a bright red before removing it. “What’re you doing?!” Hijikata screamed as he saw Gintoki remove the sparking red sword from the fire pit.

“We have to close the wound somehow!” Gintoki didn’t want to cause Hijikata pain, not in the least bit, but it was more likely that he would bleed to death if they just removed the tourniquets. He reached over and grabbed a block of wood that looked like it was used as a cutting board, handing it to Hijikata. “Bite on this. You’ll need it.”

Hijikata hesitated but obliged. He knew that they had to do something about the wounds, but he did not realize that it involved a white-hot steaming piece of metal being sliced downward on his leg and arm. He took the piece of wood and put it in his mouth, being careful not to bite down too hard; otherwise, he might lose his teeth. He grunted before laying flat, bracing for the pain he was about to experience.

Gintoki placed a hand on Hijikata’s stump of a leg, steadying it. With one quick slash, he cut downward, hacking off the base of what was below the tourniquet, cauterizing the wound in the process. Hijikata cried out in pain, sinking his teeth into the woodblock and nearly breaking them. The pungent smell of burnt flesh radiated throughout the room. Gintoki knew this scent would be one that would stain the walls and the structure forever, smelling as though someone had been burned alive.

Gintoki left out a short, sharp breath. “That wasn’t so bad now, was it?”

Hijikata’s eyes only saw red, and he spat out the woodblock in his hand. “What the fuck do you mean ‘That wasn’t so bad’! That was the worst pain I’ve ever been through, even the loss of my limbs felt better!” He slammed down the woodblock and grabbed Gintoki by his hair, pulling his head closer to his face. “And you plan on doing this again!”

“What’d you expect? Sunshine and rainbows? The feeling of some girl’s inner thighs? We’re trying to prevent you from fucking dying of blood loss, Oguushi-kun, not seducing some girl to be in her bed for a night!”

Hijikata only gritted his teeth and uttered a _tch_ before releasing Gintoki from his grasp. He grabbed the woodblock and spat, “Get it over with already.” He placed the woodblock between his teeth and prepared for the worst.

“Easy now. I have to heat it up again, so relax for the time being.” Gintoki placed the sword in the fire pit once again and waited until it glowed a bright red.

Hijikata only squirmed in anticipation. The feeling was the most unpleasant feeling he ever felt. He had his share of stab wounds, animal bites, and cuts on various parts of his body, but nothing was like having his flesh burned and cut off. He knew it was for the best, but it didn’t mean he had to enjoy it. “Hurry up, asshole. I want this done and over with.”

“Shh. Be patient. It needs to get hot enough to cauterize the wound. It’ll stop the bleeding, as you can tell from your stump of a leg.” Gintoki brushed the hair out of Hijikata’s face, only looking at him with affection but also a slight tint of pity that he has to go through this in the first place. Despite that, he still felt slightly better about the regenerative ability he gained after he drank the elixir all those years ago. It definitely made the recuperation time come to an almost halt, but of course, there were still those days where he had to relax and take care of himself.

“I don’t like having the anticipation for the pain.” Hijikata took hold of Gintoki’s hand after he came close to him. He calmed down after a moment or two, bringing clarity to his clouded view on this whole ordeal.

Gintoki noticed the calmness in his voice, which made him think that Hijikata figured out that he was only doing this so he could spend more time with him. He leaned down, and for the first time in this particular lifetime that Hijikata was currently living in, he kissed him.

Hijikata was most definitely taken by surprise, but he welcomed it with open arms... Well, open lips. The heat in his cheeks caused his face to redden as Gintoki placed a hand on Hijikata’s cheek. It was a marvelous moment that they both enjoyed too much for their own good. As the kiss deepened, Gintoki pulled away abruptly. “Ergh, you’re distracting me from what’s really important!”

“Me? Distracting you? You’re the one who kissed me!”

“But you welcomed it! You’re the more reasonable one between the two of us.”

“Oh, so I’m not supposed to enjoy a kiss from my soulmate?”

“Not when you could possibly bleed to death!”

Hijikata only snorted but then squirmed in fear as Gintoki pulled the sword from the fire. It glowed such a bright red. He grabbed the woodblock, put it between his teeth, gritted his teeth, grinding the woodblock to have teeth marks. 

Gintoki looked at him with pity and solemness in his eyes. “I know you hate this, but… I don’t want to live without you, so I’ll do what I must to keep you.” And without any further hesitation, Gintoki pinned Hijikata’s stump of an arm and lined up the sword. With another quick slash, he removed the sword away from Hijikata. He placed it on the table away from anything that could burn down with the hot end sticking out over it. He was cautious about making sure that he wouldn’t cause the table to catch fire from how fiery the sword was, and he hoped that it would cool off sooner rather than later. He took the round and disgusting pieces of flesh that were cut off and tossed them out the window once he opened it.

With thoughts that the worst has passed, Gintoki went to the door and left the old man in, who got a big whiff of the burning flesh smell and began screaming expletives at him for doing such a thing in his home. However, he still didn’t tell them to leave. Once he calmed down from either the smell going away or just getting used to the putrid smell, he began talking regularly. He asked questions on how they stumbled upon the home that he claimed was in such disrepair that it was hardly habitable for him, let alone, two other people. After a loud and concerning cough, he assured both of them he was fine.

* * *

A few months passed, and one day, the man Gintoki and Hijikata were living with died in his sleep. It was such an abrupt passing; they wondered if it was from some type of health problem. However, it left the two of them in the structure. Gintoki found out that after it was rather hard to keep his hands away from Hijikata, but of course, he was the only one who could keep up the house and garden; he spent most of his time doing that instead to much of his dismay. Despite that, he still had time to cuddle up next to Hijikata after the sun set for the day, which started to become earlier and earlier as it slowly became winter time. Gintoki had been spending more time in the garden, attempting to scrounge up more vegetables they could eat during the wintertime with the hopes they wouldn’t rot.

Soon after the old man died, Hijikata also developed a rather curious cough. When Gintoki looked at him with concern, he assured Gintoki that it was just a cold, and there was no need to worry. He didn’t want to worry Gintoki over a cold, but the cough persisted for several weeks before a fever showed, along with night sweats and chills. His body felt like it was burning up. Still, he felt so cold, continually bundling up in the blanket they shared and hogging it from Gintoki, who wasn’t appreciative of the gesture.

Gintoki kneeled by the bed, holding Hijikata’s hand, who was so despondent from the fatigue he barely spoke. It worried him, perhaps a little bit too much. Still, with how many times Hijikata has been ripped from him within the last few incarnations, it frightened him, the idea of Hijikata dying early again. He didn’t like it, not one bit. He bit his lip. He wanted to say something to Hijikata, but he knew that he wouldn’t get an answer, the despondency taking its toll on Gintoki’s mood.

Wanting nothing more than for Hijikata to recover, Gintoki tried his best to make remedies that could help, but none prevailed as a solution. Trying to find a cure remained as Gintoki’s top priority. Still, he also couldn’t neglect the housework, which in all reality, he did. He spent most of his time worrying about Hijikata and staying by his side.

Until now, the time had been flying by, cruelly and mercilessly as Hijikata’s health spiraled downward, a direction that Gintoki regretted. He did wonder if coming to this house and living here was a regret, and the more he thought about it, the more he realized that Hijikata’s health went south because of living here. And there was nothing he could do. Not one thing that could reverse time, but if there was such an ability, he would’ve used it back the first time he drank the elixir, saving some for when he met Hijikata. That way, they would’ve been able to stay together within Hijikata’s first lifetime.

As Gintoki watched Hijikata, he saw his eyes flutter open ever so slightly; it was unexpected, but a glimmer of hope shined through a dark and cloudy ambiance. Hijikata turned his head toward Gintoki, whose pleading eyes said everything that needed to be said. “Why’re you so worried?” He barely managed to say. He tried the best he could to grip Gintoki’s hand, but what felt like his entire might was barely a squeeze to Gintoki, and Gintoki could tell. What strength he had left was barely there like he was just a living corpse rather than a living, breathing human being. His eyes sunk into his head, and what little mass he had left kept him somewhat alive. It wouldn’t be enough to keep him balanced on his leg, but now that he was confined to his bed, it didn’t matter.

“Because…” Gintoki could only trail off, not wanting to admit the truth or accept it.

“Because you know I’m not gonna live much longer?” Hijikata gave a half-hearted smile or at least attempted to. “It’s okay. I’ll see you again, I’m sure.”

“I can’t stand it,” Gintoki muttered, “I don’t think you’ll ever understand.”

Hijikata inhaled and exhaled deeply. “You’re right; I won’t understand it, but I think you underestimate how much I can’t stand not being able to remember you.”

“Guess we both have our own set of problems, don’t we?”

“Ye-” Hijikata cut off immediately into a coughing fit. The fit lasted only a few moments, but right after, he could only catch his breath. He stopped talking for the rest of the night, trying so hard to just stay alive. He didn’t want to die. He knew his inevitable deaths were hard on Gintoki, but he knew that he would soon die.

Gintoki let go of Hijikata’s hand, only to crawl into bed with him. He lay between the wall and Hijikata. With what little strength Hijikata had left, he rolled over onto his side, wiggling his butt slightly toward Gintoki into a spooning position. Gintoki kissed the side of his neck before getting into a comfy spot, wrapping his arm around Hijikata’s waist, and whispered, “Good night. I love you, and I’ll be here when you wake up in the morning.”

But there wouldn’t be a next morning for Hijikata. Gintoki knew that especially when he woke up the next day to a cold Hijikata who was no longer breathing, frozen in the position that he went to sleep in. The stiffness of Hijikata’s body would make it extremely hard for Gintoki to carry and bury him. Still, after his tormenting illness, Hijikata deserved better than a burial in an unmarked grave in the woods. But that was something that Gintoki couldn’t give him. The only thing that he was able to do for him was shed a few tears, staring blankly as he dug the shallow grave. He placed Hijikata’s body in the grave and covering him with the dirt. After he finished, he knelt and prayed, not only for Hijikata’s safety but for Gintoki to find him again sooner rather than later.

After burying his love, Gintoki went back to the house and packed up the remainder of his things, leaving the household items for the next resident of the shack. He made his way to his next destination, a shrine that was a year’s travel away. He heard it could be his best bet trying to find either the onmyoji or some form of a clue for finding the elixir. He wondered for a moment who he’d run into next, but that was worrying for when that would happen. And for the first time, he felt… at peace. Not heartbroken, not depressed, not even angry for Hijikata being ripped away for the fourth time because he knew that it was finally time to find the elixir -and to quit messing around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> As of March 16th, I am out of work for the next 14 days, if not longer depending on how Pennsylvania decides to proceed after the 14 days are up. So great news for you guys! I'm writing a bunch during this time off and try my best to see if I can make it a biweekly posting rather than a monthly posting.
> 
> Other than that, I have an idea in the works that you may or may not get to read depending on how I feel about the finished product. I'm working diligently on CBCB with chapter 10 in the works right now. I should have it finished here in another day or two.
> 
> Once again, thank you for reading, and if you're feeling generous, please leave a comment! I like having reader feedback whenever I can. :D


	6. Summer 1599

Since Hijikata’s last death, the search for the elixir was on. Gintoki stopped passing time idly, whether it was with Tsukuyo or even Hijikata, not that he had run into them in recent years. Eighty-five years have passed since Hijikata’s last death, and neither Tsukuyo nor Hijikata has shown up since then. Not that Gintoki minded. He realized that he spent his time idly during the brief period in which they were around. Even if they reincarnated, he decided that it was best that he stay away from them. Of course, it wasn’t like he wanted to stay away from HIjikata, but Hijikata, at best, was a distraction in himself.

The trip to Nara took a total of three days as he traveled from the eastern coast of the Honshu island. Three long grueling days in the hot sun was not what Gintoki had in mind. There was no time to stay in one place for too long, even though he did take a day’s worth of rest. It was exhausting, the constant walking he had been doing since Hijikata’s last death, but he carried on, knowing that the result would be well worth the effort, regardless of how much he hated having to walk as much as he did.

Summertime was always a nice time of year in Nara, even though it was far too hot to Gintoki’s taste. He started to prefer winter since he typically had a place to stay, whether it was by himself or along with a kind stranger who opened their home to him. He tried his best not to intrude on those random strangers as much as he could, but staying by himself wasn’t always the case. The near-constant isolation from people almost drove him crazy from the lack of socialization. Humans were social creatures, and Gintoki was no different, no matter how much he claimed he’d rather be alone than be with random strangers.

Tsukuyo did pop up a few decades down the road after Hijikata died, but Gintoki pressed on. She argued with him, trying her best to get him to stay, to which he only claimed that he would just leave as soon as Hijikata came around; Hijikata hadn’t reincarnated, but Tsukuyo knew fully well that Gintoki would just up and leave just like he did a few lives of hers ago. She only gritted her teeth and left him on his way to his next destination.

With the sounds of the cicadas buzzing away, Gintoki only admired the front of the Kusaga Grand Shrine. Bronze and stone lanterns lit the pathway toward the main building of the shrine. Deer pranced their way around the shrine, which only made Gintoki hungry since the last time he ate was around midday. He thought, for a moment, about hunting down one of these animals, cooking it up, and eating it; but decided that he shouldn’t in his best interest. He padded his way along the stone walkway as he came upon the main building of the shrine. He stopped at the braided rope, rang it and prayed. He didn’t have anything to leave as an offering, nothing that he could give up that wasn’t for his survival, but he offered his best prayers for the Shinto gods that resided in this shrine.

As the shrine priestess appeared out of what seemed like thin air, Gintoki jumped nearly out of his skin, clearly startled from the surprise entrance of the shrine priestess and her maiden. He took a single moment to calm down before laying two red eyes on the brunette who had a happy gleaming look in her eyes. Something told him that she was up to something, but he didn’t know what. He paused for a moment, tiptoeing around his words to make sure that what he wanted to say was clear and precise. The last thing he wanted to do was to anger the gods for saying something stupid toward the shrine priestess. He breathed in deeply before saying, “You already know about my immortality, don’t you?”

The shrine priestess only hummed out, agreeing with his statement. Her keen instincts helped her in this minute meeting, and a complacent smile graced her lips.

Once again tiptoeing around his wording, he decided to bluntly ask the question. “Where can I find the elixir?”

“Finding it for your soulmate?” An almost smug tone tainted the shrine priestess’s voice, which Gintoki found odd. This was the first time he ever encountered such a vain priestess, and the maiden seemed to want to avoid saying anything, carefully biting her tongue to prevent any backlash against her.

Gintoki raised a finger toward his lips, pointing it outward on his chin. “So what if I am? What’s it to you?”

“Oh, nothing, but you won’t find the elixir here,” she only cackled at Gintoki’s equally smug reply, “Who knows. You may not find it until his time runs out.”

Gintoki dropped his hand to his side and squinted his eyes at her, questioning her wording. She knew something… something about the cherry blossoms that he knew she wouldn’t tell him. He gritted his teeth, turned around, and walked the other way. There was no sense in keeping the conversation going as it would be impossible to get any other information out of her with the devious personality she had. He wondered if she was even fit to be a shrine priestess and thought that she only inherited the shrine from her family rather than earning it.

After such an encounter, he swore he’d never return to this shrine for the rest of his life, regardless if it would help him find the elixir.

* * *

Spending another day’s worth of travel to the next shrine, Gintoki decided to take a rest day when he arrived in the next town. The town started preparations for their local festival to honor the Shinto gods, and Gintoki thought it would be nice to experience. He’d been to his fair share of festivals over the last five hundred years, but every single one was unique, only sharing the bare bones of what festivals were supposed to be. However, with the recent inner strife of the country, festivals were rare and far between, so with the decision of staying for a least one night of the festival, Gintoki found a room at one of the empty houses that lay near the end of the village. He didn’t leave the house until the next day when the festival started as he felt no need to introduce himself to the villagers since he wasn’t staying longer than twenty-four hours.

The festival went off without a hitch though. He knew there would be no fireworks like the other ones since it would be damn near impossible to tell if the sounds were guns, fireworks, or bombs. It was in the best interest of the village to not have them, in case they would be attacked by an opposing force.

The stalls with food were Gintoki’s favorites without a doubt in his mind. He hadn’t eaten such delicious food in quite some time, likely since Tsukuyo died the last time he stayed with her, so he gorged himself to the point where he got a belly cramp from being so stuffed and ended his partying early for the night. He still didn’t talk to any of the villagers, although he only offered small talk when he would pick foods from the stalls.

With the next day on the horizon, Gintoki woke up early. Before sunrise, in fact, and he was by no means an early riser by choice. Figuring it was time to start his day, he dressed and put on his shoes as he exited the building, leaving it abandoned for the next family to live in it.

On his trek up to the shrine that was a few kilometers away from the village, he stayed alert. With the sudden rise in crime from ronin, he knew that it was in his best interest to remain alert until he could get to a safe space that he knew that ronin wouldn’t dare attack, which, of course, was the next shrine.

After an hour or so, he stepped foot on the grounds. There wasn’t anything immaculate about this shrine, just the skeleton of what a shrine should be. He wasn’t even sure if there would be a priestess or maiden who would be able to guide him in the direction he wanted… well, needed to go. Trees surrounded the shrine with the pathway overshadowed by them, almost blocking all light from the sun shining down. It was just bright enough to not need a torch to see the path.

As he padded up to the shrine, he looked left and right, trying his best to locate any shrine priestess or maiden that could be around, but after doing this for several centuries, he caught on to the routine that the shrine priestess or maiden would show up right when he prayed, always making him jump out of his skin. He hopped right to praying as he arrived at the braided bells. With a ring and a clap of his hands, he prayed, anticipating someone to appear to tell him what she knew about the elixir, but when Gintoki looked back up, no one was there. There wasn’t a soul around him, which got him thinking that maybe this shrine was abandoned, making there no need for a shrine priestess or maiden to take care of it, which would make sense as the weeds and ivy were sprouting up in between the stones that made up the path and up the walls of the shrine.

Feeling silly, he immediately departed, shaking off his stupidity because he clearly should have known there wouldn’t have been a shrine maiden or priestess at this shrine. Before stepping off the grounds, he looked back at the shrine, now noticing how dilapidated it was. Perhaps he was too distracted by the beauty of the nature that surrounded the shrine to take notice of the lack of care there was for the shrine. Either way, he looked forward and departed for the nearest port, finally deciding that it was time to visit the southernmost island of the country as he hadn’t gone there yet.

* * *

Weeks and weeks of traveling to the closest point, as well as asking plenty of people for directions toward it, Gintoki finally arrived at the boat that would take him to Saikaido. He has been meaning for years to go to Saikaido, but he didn’t find a need to go just yet, especially considering the fact that he spent years and years and years waiting to see if he ran into Hijikata or Tsukuyo again. The captain ushered him aboard and began the journey across the Seto Inland Sea.

And it was then that Gintoki realized that he gets seasick. Feeling nauseated, he kept himself close to the side of the boat, emptying what he ate for breakfast into the sea only for the fish to eat indiscriminately. With the consistent feeling of nausea as the boat rocked back and forth, he prayed for the trip to go fast, which it didn’t. That was, at least, what Gintoki thought when in all actuality, it only took him a few hours at best, but he felt that any amount of time he felt nauseated was too long in his opinion.

After docking, he jumped over the side of the ship and onto the pier, praising the Shinto gods for shining down on him as he survived what was the worst sea sickness he had ever felt when in all actuality, it was the first time he ever felt seasick.

After regaining his balance from the rocking boat, Gintoki headed toward the village, looking for the closest person to ask where the closest shrine was. And when he spotted that person, he gunned for him, sprinting in his direction, so that Gintoki wouldn’t lose his chance. Rushing over to the person, he asked where the closest shrine was and was pointed in the direction of a mountain, where close to the top sat a shrine that Gintoki could see. He knew it was kilometers away with how up it was, so he knew that it would take several days to get there.

Deciding that there was no time to lose, Gintoki headed off in the direction of the shrine, keeping an eye on it as he trekked through the woods and hills. Anticipating the next shrine priestess, he carried on, stepping closer and closer toward the shrine before arriving in what seemed like no time at all to him.

With a foot on the stone path that led the way into the shrine’s interior, he took his steps one by one, admiring the cherry blossoms that shrouded the shrine again with arcs, one by one, hovering over the pathway. The path led right up to the shrine’s main building with what looked like a chicken coop off to the side. The braided red and white rope hung from bells above, which Gintoki took the liberty to ring as he lay the only thing he could offer, which was a little trinket he got from the festival months back.

The shrine priestess didn’t appear out of thin air this time; she announced her arrival with a polite greeting instead, which shocked Gintoki because of the last encounter he had with a shrine priestess. He knew they were supposed to be polite and honorable, but apparently that other shrine priestess thought nothing of being rude, smug, and downright vain. The hair of this shrine priestess was pinned up in a loose bun with the ends flowing over her shoulder, and her black and gold flowered kimono was pristine, not a sign of wear or tear on it like today was the first time she wore it. Gintoki noticed but paid no mind to her appearance, and only vied for her knowledge on the subject he has been chasing for the last five centuries.

The shrine priestess giggled as Gintoki mentioned his immortality for the first time during the conversation of pleasantries, even though she very well knew about his immortality from the moment she laid eyes on him. She urged him to continue on with him explaining everything that led up to this moment in time, and she knew everything. It was like she knew him from a past life but denied knowing him in any life that she had before.

“Please tell me you know where I can find the elixir,” Gintoki pleaded. He knew he was at his wit’s end with trying to find the elixir with his hope dwindling every passing day without knowing where he could find it. After searching for five centuries, he thought that he could narrow it down by now, but… there were so many places he hadn’t looked near yet, but he knew that all of the places he’s been to haven’t had the elixir. Slowly but surely, the places of him to go dwindled, but not by much, especially since he hasn’t been to Hokkaido yet. Places on the Honshu island surely dwindled, but many regions remained unexplored.

The shrine priestess stayed silent, almost like she wasn’t able to hear him, but she stared at his mouth, seemingly waiting for him to speak again. He reiterated his words again, to which the shrine priestess giggled again and signed him something that he couldn’t understand.

After she finished signing, it dawned on him. She was deaf. There was no way for him to communicate with her since she couldn’t hear and he couldn’t read or write any answer that she could give him. Feeling the wear on his body from the constant travel, he began to ask if there was somewhere close by to stay but stopped himself when he realized that there wasn’t any way she would be able to communicate with him effectively.

Turning around and waving her off, he noticed the sun was finally setting for the day and knew he wouldn’t make it back to the closest village in time to find a place to stay for the night. So instead of making his life harder than it already is, he found a clearing in the forest, just enough for him to roll out his blanket and set up a campfire to cook whatever meat he had left on him.

The nice thing was that the tropical climate essentially nixed Gintoki’s need for a campfire for warmth during the night. He kept the campfire going, throwing on some sticks and foliage to keep it going just bright enough to see the surrounding area, in case of ronin attacks, but Gintoki didn’t worry about it, at least excessively, laying down under his blanket for the night.

* * *

The next day arose earlier than what seemed normal, but Gintoki was already wide awake when the sun peeked up into the sky for the first time that day. Something felt different about the sunrise now that he was in Saikaido, but he couldn’t quite place his finger on it. Could it be that it was fall and still quite warm out? Or was it because there was a hot spring nearby that was calling Gintoki’s name? Deciding it was the latter, he headed for the direction of the natural hot spring that he would gladly bathe in for the first time in quite some time.

Passing through the forest, he came toward a cliff that held the hot spring. With a twinkle in his eyes that he hadn’t had since seeing Hijikata for the first time the last time he was alive, he stripped bare and jumped right into the hot spring, sighing out relief with the warmth of the water enveloping him. As he enjoyed his time in the bath, he planned out his next steps, which was to find the next closest shrine.

He knew he shouldn’t have, but he scrubbed the dirt and grime off his body in the hot spring water, wanting to at least be clean when he left the area. He didn’t know what lied ahead. He only knew that he saw a shrine far off into the distance below the cliff, and he knew that it was the next one he would head to if he could figure out where the mountain began its descent down into the ocean. But, since he knew this was the first opportunity he had to relax in recent memory, he shook it out of his head and continued to enjoy the easterly view of the rising sun.

Before long, the sun hung high in the sky at high-noon, and Gintoki was just on his way down the mountain after figuring out where the mountain began its descent. He spent far too long at the hot spring, but it has easily been centuries since he spent some time in one. So, he stayed as long as he pleased, since there wasn’t any fee or anything to enjoy it.

The trail twisted and turned as he made his way down the mountain, and it opened up into a village, bustling with people that could help him on his journey. The large village had enough people for Gintoki to know that a shrine would be nearby.

As people moved to and from in the village, Gintoki walked his way through, stopping each person to ask where the closest shrine was, but they shrugged him off, looking awfully fearful of him rather than having the interest of helping him. He knew they feared him as a stranger, not knowing where he was from nor what he does for a living that causes him to travel, but he didn’t think it would be a reason to not even acknowledge his existence.

Gintoki tried talking to person after person before someone finally talked to him and pointed him in the direction he wanted to go. He figured that the only reason the person even answered was that she knew that she would be the next to be stopped.

After being pointed in the right direction, he made his way to the outskirts of town and into a rainforest with no path to guide him. He only knew to go north, continuing in that direction until he came across another village where he, once again, bothered the locals until he was pointed in the right direction again. Although the village was a little friendlier than the last, they were still fearful of him, speaking in short sentences and with hot tempers.

After the twentieth or so person, he finally got pointed in the direction of the shrine he saw on the horizon. Going to the edge of town, he noticed a path leading directly to the shrine, which he thanked the Shinto gods for.

This shrine was unique compared to all of the shrines that Gintoki had seen so far. Trees that were tall and had long slender leaves growing off of it that had to be at least two meters long surrounded it. They astonished him as he has never seen anything like it ever before in his entire life. Mesmerized by the strange trees, he could only stare, admiring them for being so strange and unique. With his eyes fixed on the sky, he tripped right over a step that was just a tad bit too high for the step he took. With a  _ thud _ and a yelp, Gintoki landed right on his stomach, but he wasn’t hurt enough to have to stop for the day to recover. With his yelp alerting her to his presence, the shrine maiden appeared out of a side building to the right of the main building. In her baggy shirt and pants uniform, she skipped over to him, helped him off of the ground, and asked him if he was okay, to which he replied that he was perfectly fine, he just wasn’t paying attention.

Brushing off the rubble on his shirt, he bowed toward the shrine maiden with his hands clapped together. “Please tell me you know something about the elixir.” He skipped the entire intro, getting right to the point of his visit. He squeezed his eyes shut, praying that she would finally give him the answer that he needed. Something… anything that she knew about the elixir that he could piece together. Five centuries passed.  _ Five centuries have passed _ , and he knew next to nothing about it other than that if a person drank it, it turned them immortal.

The shrine maiden giggled at his bow, mentioning it wasn’t necessary, but he continued to bow anyway. “I don’t know where it is…” She trailed off, a slight scintillating sparkle in her eye. “But I can tell you; it’s not on this island.”

Gintoki fell to his knees and looked up, pleading eyes wide in desperation. “But which one?”

“I don’t know. I’m sorry,” was all she said before walking away, leaving a defeated Gintoki on his knees. Out of five islands, he only knows that Saikaido doesn’t have the elixir.

With nothing left to do on the island, he made his way back to the port whence he came with his hand hung low. He only stopped for a moment once he heard a shrill but familiar shout of his name. He picked his head up and looked in the direction of the shout only to see an infuriated Tsukuyo, clearly seeming less than pleased to see him. Once he stopped in front of her, she looked at him up and down and spat, “How long were you going to make me wait for you!?” Steaming with anger, she grabbed him by the ear just like she did long ago, and he yelped.

“Jeez, you know I wasn’t exactly looking for you, so let go!”

She let go of his ear, gladly scraping her nails against his pinna, and stomped in the direction of her house, and before entering, she screamed, “Are you coming or what!”

Gintoki only grunted and also stomped his way into the house, coming in view of Seita and Hinowa as well. They welcomed him just as warmly as they did a few centuries ago. And a small part of Gintoki honestly seemed happy to see them. Familiar faces after centuries of being alone? He couldn’t pass it up, even though it wasn’t who he truly wanted, but a family that accepted him that he hasn’t had in centuries? He decided not to pass up this opportunity before a more lonely time will come along. Hijikata hadn’t reincarnated, or Gintoki just hadn't run across him again, yet. He was concerned that he hadn’t come across him, but right now, he didn’t want to think about Hijikata. Gintoki still had most of the Honshu island and three other islands he hadn’t even touched yet. A gloomy cloud appeared over Gintoki’s head from just thinking about how he has so many places left to look. He took a seat in a chair next Hinowa, who placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Gintoki, it’s okay,” she whispered to him, being careful to not be heard by Tsukuyo, “We know who and what you’re really looking for.”

Gintoki looked over at her with a pitiful look in his eyes, leaning his head toward her. “I know, but… there’s just so many places left to look.”

“You’ll find it. We have faith in you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, I know it's only been two weeks or so, but since I'm (as of this chapter) 5 chapters ahead, I've decided to post!
> 
> Not much information update wise, just chugging along, I'm a bit stuck, but it'll work out once I get to where I need to go. Since I've written 50k words this year so far, I'm taking a mild break. Not a break where I don't write at all, but a break where I don't write as much as I normally am. I am currently 17 days ahead of where I should be right now, so I'm hoping to have most, if not all, of CBCB written by the end of the month.
> 
> Either way, enjoy!


	7. Spring 1613

Twenty-five years have passed since Gintoki originally arrived in Kochi, a fishing village on Shikoku island off the coast of the Pacific Ocean. He had originally planned to just pass by like he usually did. Still, of course, when he saw the four-petal blooms surrounding a newborn baby, there was no way he would leave upon seeing that. He knew that the only way he would be able to stay longer than twenty years would be to live in the hut that was close to the town that was out in the woods. He rarely left it, staying by himself most of the time, to prevent suspicion from the villagers of him being either a danger to them or immortal.

As Gintoki passed through the village, he saw Hijikata at the pier, fixing up his little boat to go out on the sea. Four-petal blooms and randomly assembled petals blew between them. A bad feeling haunted him, especially after the one shrine priestess mentioned that he might run out of time finding the elixir. The brief mention haunted Gintoki ever since. He didn’t know when that time would run out. Still, he did his best to stay optimistic, reminding himself time after time that he would be able to find it before it was too late, but as the four-petal blooms blew in the calm breeze, Gintoki only stared at Hijikata affectionately, who in return stared at him with a calm and composed affectionate stare.

“I know you,” Hijikata said knowingly after a blip of memory played in his mind. “Where’ve you been, perm-head?”

Gintoki stayed silent as he walked toward Hijikata, that memory of the shrine priestess playing in his mind. “I’ve been here, waiting.” Nothing stopped him from enveloping Hijikata into his arms, and Hijikata didn’t seem to mind. Gintoki nuzzled his face into Hijikata’s shoulder, finding it hard to let go.

“How long were you waiting?” Hijikata asked, placing a hand on the back of Gintoki’s head and trying to comfort him the best he can. He could feel his shirt becoming wet from Gintoki’s tears.

“A while,” Gintoki whispered, “Let’s just keep it at that.”

Hijikata said nothing in return, which was comforting to Gintoki in a way.

Gintoki lifted his head and peered into Hijikata’s ocean blue eyes, leaning in closer and closer until their lips softly brushed against each other. He closed the distance between them, planting his lips firmly on Hijikata’s soft ones.

Gintoki found it hard to break apart from him. Still, he had to because the desire to tear Hijikata’s clothes off right then and there became overbearing. He knew that if he let his desire take over, he wouldn’t be able to control himself. After breaking apart, he looked into Hijikata’s eyes and said, “Come home with me.”

A rather devious smile curled onto Hijikata’s lips as he said, “I thought you’d never ask.”

* * *

Five years down the line, Hijikata and Gintoki began a routine that seemed, well, typical for what occupations they decided to keep. Hijikata continued his fishing business, bartering some of the fish he caught for supplies that Gintoki needed to keep a garden in their home. It wasn’t much, but it was more than enough for Gintoki. Even after a few months, it was the longest amount of time he spent with Gintoki since his first reincarnation. He didn’t want to jinx himself, but he felt… off like something was going to happen, only he didn’t know what would happen or if anything would happen in the first place.

There wasn’t much to their routine. Every day, Hijikata would go out to fish. Some days, he would be lucky and catch the right amount. On others, he would barely be able to feed both of them. Gintoki didn’t mind going hungry for a few nights, so as long as Hijikata was still there with him. They even had the vegetables from their gardens to suffice half of a meal, but the lack of meat some days made Gintoki almost feel regret from getting involved with him again. He persevered, knowing that in the long run this is what he wanted.

Gintoki did, in fact, cherish every day he spent with Hijikata, trying so hard to please him in any way he could. It was just enough so that Hijikata wouldn’t feel the need to get rid of him, not that Gintoki was worried about that in the first place. Hijikata had him wrapped around his finger, bending him over backward if he chose to do so, but more often than not, to Gintoki, it felt more like Hijikata was bending over backward for him instead. Love makes one do the craziest of things, but to Gintoki, it was  _ enough _ , more than enough, he’d reckon.

As Gintoki swept the floor that would only be dirty minutes after he cleaned, he thought back to Hijikata’s first incarnation and how he kept their home, a place Gintoki had to come home to. Even though Gintoki didn’t do so until Hijikata’s time ran out, and he thought of how lost he was without him. With the reflection that Hijikata would do something like that when he clearly wasn’t the one who would just sit on the sidelines, Gintoki could only smile. 

With the door opening, Gintoki shook off his thoughts and greeted Hijikata as he arrived for the night. Nights were the only time they were able to spend together, but he didn’t mind. Work had to be done just to keep them alive, but Gintoki regretted having to spend so much time away from Hijikata.

Hijikata kicked off his shoes at the door and pushed them around so that they were in an orderly fashion rather than thrown on the ground willy-nilly. After kicking his shoes off, he stepped forward into Gintoki’s arms, wrapping his own arms around Gintoki’s waist and snuggling his head against the crook of his neck. He took in the scent of sweat mixed with Gintoki’s natural smell and reveled in it. “I’ve missed you.”

“But you see me every day,” Gintoki replied, placing his hand on the back of Hijikata’s head.

“Doesn’t matter. I miss you every day when we’re apart.”

“Ooh, does Oogushi-kun have feelings he’d like to talk about?” Gintoki teased him with teasing being an almost every day occurrence.

Hijikata shook his head. “You already know how I feel. Do I have to remind you how much I love you?”

“Only every day.”

With a sigh, Hijikata lifted his head, peered into Gintoki’s red eyes, and said, “I love you. Every life I’ve had, I know I’ve loved you. What makes this life any different?”

Gintoki shrugged, “I dunno. It’s possible you might not be able to replicate the feelings your previous lives had.”

Finding a lack of words, Hijikata didn’t reply, only to lean in and kiss Gintoki, more of a display of his feelings rather than just speaking them.

However, Gintoki didn’t mind. He never seemed to mind when Hijikata kissed him on his own accord rather than Gintoki making the first move. Their kiss deepened, and his cheeks flushed, something that's not too unusual from his embrace, even though they've been together for several years now. Not that Gintoki complained about it, nor would he ever complain about it. Perhaps he wasn’t used to spending so much time with Hijikata. After all, it had been over four hundred and thirty years since he’s spent this amount of time with Hijikata. The five years they have been together had gone by in a flash. He wondered for a moment if that time seemed to be going faster and faster was because of his immortality as the years went by or because he was simply much older mentally than his appearance. His body may still look like a healthy twenty-five year old, but he was well over six hundred years old now. However, old age had yet to catch up with him, and his mind was still as nimble as he was when he first drank the elixir.

After a few moments, they broke off and noticed the sun had set for the day, as it was dark in their home, the original house that Gintoki lived in since he came to Kochi. Gintoki took hold of Hijikata’s hand with his own and felt around for the bed with his other, which didn’t take too long. The home itself was just a single room big enough for a bed, a low-sitting table, and a fire pit to cook food.

Once Gintoki felt their soft, plush blanket, he pulled Hijikata into his arms and plopped right down on the bed. “Time to sleep,” he said. “Good night. I love you.” And before he knew it, he was out like a light, only leaving Hijikata to lay in the darkness, who slowly, in turn, fell asleep himself.

* * *

The winds picked up with haste on a particularly unfulfilling afternoon. Dark and menacing clouds drifted inward from the sea as Hijikata began to prepare to set sail. 

Gintoki peered off into the distance, feeling nervous from the impending storm that he thought wasn’t too far off on the horizon. His nervousness wasn’t from him wondering if he would survive the storm, but if  _ Hijikata _ would survive the storm. He knew, from deep down within him, that he shouldn’t let Hijikata go out today. And right as he opened his mind to protest, Hijikata looked over at him, and said, “Don’t. You know I need to go today.”

“Don’t you think it’s a bit stupid to go out into an oncoming storm?” Gintoki prodded, hiding his worry under his cold, sarcastic exterior. He looked in Hijikata’s direction. “It’s okay. We don’t have to eat for the day.”

“We haven’t eaten in three days, Gintoki. Unlike you, I can’t live without food.” Hijikata shot back, shutting down the idea of not taking the day off. Hijikata knew it was suicide to go out into a storm. Still, after three unsuccessful days with no fish caught, an unusually irrational side of him showed, even though he was trying to hide it the best he could. He didn’t like the idea, not at all, but he needed to eat, and without fish to trade, there wasn’t food for him to do so. He knew that Gintoki could go days or even weeks without food and water without wasting away, but with the way Gintoki was considering going another day without food, it felt like Gintoki had forgotten that Hijikata was mortal and would absolutely die without food. “I have to try to catch  _ something _ , regardless of what it is.”

“Oogushi-kun, with the winds and the sky looking like the way it is, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’re going to die if you go out there.” Impatient was the best way to describe Gintoki’s tone. He was, in fact, losing his patience on trying to convince Hijikata to not go on a mission to his death. “Just, come home, and think this through. There’s no reason for you to die out there, trying to catch fish in a storm!"

Hijikata gritted his teeth and finally stared Gintoki down with his angry eyes. “I’m going to die either way at this point!” He grunted through a clenched jaw. “Just go home. I’ll see you when I get back.” And without further hesitation, he pushed his boat in the direction of the billowing, dark gray clouds.

“I won’t miss you when you’re gone!” Gintoki screamed, just loud enough for Hijikata to hear him. “You’re a stupid bastard for doing this, y’know!”

No reply came from Hijikata as he paddled off into the distance, leaving Gintoki ashore as the rain began pouring down from above. He ran to seek shelter in their home with a haunting feeling of regret lurking over his shoulders. He sat on the floor in front of the fire pit that had a small flame burning, but with their firewood wet, there was no way for him to add to it. The chilly air from the rain impeded the low flame’s work. 

The only thing Gintoki could do now is to wait. Just sit there and wait until the storm was over to see if Hijikata made it back alive. He knew within the back of his mind that Hijikata wouldn’t come home. There was no way he would knowing how windy it was and how the ordinarily small waves in the water swelled to almost an unnatural size. He sat on the floor, his knees tucked under his elbows. But his foremost thought was that he would come home; he’d  _ survive _ . Gintoki didn’t even listen to that small voice in the back of his mind screaming at the top of his lungs that he wouldn’t return. But he sat there. And waited and waited and waited until the sun began to shine brightly within the open window, their bed still soaked from the rain because he never closed the window. He was too distracted for his own good to realize it was still open in the first place.

With the sun glimmering in the sky, shining its light down on the Earth, Gintoki stuck his head out the window. The birds were chirping, singing their song like the storm never passed through from the start, and the cicadas buzzed off, sounding like they were close by, but as their house was in the woods, this could have been in any direction. Figuring that the worst has passed, he made his way back to the pier, only to see a boat out in the distance turned upside down. Gintoki’s half-smile disappeared, his eyes widening as he sunk to his knees. It was  _ his _ boat. He knew that not only from the shape but from the fact that all other villagers' boats were tied up on the pier.

And within seconds of sinking to the ground, he keeled over, emptying whatever he had left in his stomach, which was nothing other than stomach acid and bile. With his hands shaking, he wiped off whatever was left on his lips, rubbing his hand against the ground to try to get the mixture of saliva and vomit off of his hand. His heart raced, his short, unsteady breathing hitched, and his hands convulsed. There was no way around that Hijikata was out in the ocean somewhere, waiting to die, if he wasn’t already dead, and there was nothing Gintoki could do. He wanted, more than anything in the world, to go out and search for him. Still, he knew that the likelihood that Hijikata drowned was more likely than Gintoki would care to admit.

Getting up onto shaky legs, Gintoki hobbled down to the boat that washed ashore. With what little strength he had at that moment, he flipped the boat right side up, only to see that it was completely barren. No net, no oars, nothing; not even a sign that Hijikata owned it.

Feeling the incoming tears, he sprinted back home, unable to hold them back. Inside their home, he sunk against the back of the door until his bottom dropped to the floor. He tried to calm himself down, keyword being tried, but tears refused to stop, and it wasn’t because of Hijikata’s death. After the fifth or so time, he was used to it, having his love torn from his side year after year. No, this time, it was from the words he said. The guilt, the shame, the regret; it was so clear within Gintoki’s mind. He knew he shouldn’t have said those words right from the start, but in his anger, Gintoki spouted off words he didn’t mean, and it only fueled the regret within him.

* * *

In an almost coherent despondency, Gintoki left their home permanently. He didn’t take anything with him, not that he thought it would help him anyway. The only things he had on him were his clothes, shoes, and a pouch full of coins he had collected over the years, trying hard to save up for some new gardening equipment. Now that money was useless, or so he thought.

Looking for a way to ease the pain, Gintoki, still in a haze, stumbled in front of a place where he would find his coping mechanism. However, it wouldn’t be very wise for his wallet. A scratched-up white sign with the beautiful word “Brothel” painted in bright red that was almost wearing away appeared right in front of him. Thinking he found an oasis in the desert of a Hijikata-less world, he stumbled into the building.

A welcoming greeting was said by the doorman, who let him in. Gintoki didn’t say anything back, but he pulled his little coin pouch out and handed the doorman a silver coin, who then gave that to who Gintoki thought was the master of the house. A sinister smile curled onto the housemaster’s lips, something that Gintoki noticed but didn’t concern himself with it. It clearly should have worried him, but Gintoki didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything at this point in time, except for his desire for a distraction from the aching that he held within him.

The housemaster led him through the house, pointing at girls Gintoki could spend the night with, but one had already caught his eye. A few feet down from him, his eyes landed on a sitting Tsukuyo, his oasis in the desert, whose eyes showed relief. The housemaster first looked at Gintoki, then at Tsukuyo. “So you want that one?”

Gintoki gulped. “Yeah.” And without further hesitation, Gintoki walked over to her and held out his hand for Tsukuyo, who took it without asking questions. When she finally stood up, he leaned into her and whispered in her ear, “We need to talk.”

The housemaster led Gintoki, now with Tsukuyo, to a room that was off to the side, obviously used for what Gintoki intended. Once they were inside the room, the housemaster went off, leaving the two of them alone, once the door was shut.

Gintoki sat down on the old ratty futon that laid on the floor with the sole purpose of lovemaking, but he didn’t have those intentions, not after he saw Tsukuyo, anyway. He knew it would likely happen, but it wasn’t his intention now. He patted the futon, signifying that he wanted her to sit down next to him.

“What’re you doing here, Gintoki? This isn’t like you.” Tsukuyo mentioned as she kneeled behind him, placing hands on his shoulders, a familiar touch she remembered from the last time she saw him. “He died again, didn’t he?” She rubbed his shoulders, slowly massaging them.

Gintoki sighed. “It wasn’t like any of the last times,” he mumbled, “He didn’t have to die this time.” He felt her hands wander a bit, which is what she was taught to do, and he let her. There was no reason to reject her touching him, so he didn’t. It didn’t feel right, but he made no effort to stop it. He leaned back into her, tilting his head upward where he made eye contact with her, and she placed her arms around his head with her hands landing near his heart. Sitting there for several minutes, they took in each other’s energy, a positive vibe that radiated from both of them as both were stuck in unfavorable situations. “What’re you doing in a brothel, anyway?”

“I was sold here,” Tsukuyo stated. “You’re the last person I thought would be here, after seeing the two of you together.”

“You saw us?”

“Yes, and I never knew how happy he made you until I did.” Tsukuyo reluctantly said. “That’s how I knew he must’ve died again. It’s like my first life all over again.”

Gintoki stayed silent for a moment, hesitating on what he should say, almost afraid of speaking in such a delicate situation. He knew Tsukuyo loved him. He knew from the bottom of his heart that she did, and it almost broke his heart to hear the melancholy in her voice. “I’m sorry, but you’ve known all along that he’s who I’m meant to be with.” Sitting back up, he turned around on his knees and took hold of her face in his hands. “Please, forgive me for what I’m about to do,” he whispered as he pressed his lips to hers.

Neither the taste nor the feeling was the same. This kiss was unlike any Gintoki had between Hijikata and himself. It was more disjointed, more desperate, more despairing like no hope would come from this kiss, and Gintoki didn’t expect any. He only expected a few painless moments to temporarily forget his pain, and what he expected is what he got, enough for him to lean into her, pressing his hips into hers. He lifted up the hem of her kimono, sliding a hand underneath, and felt around her bare skin, touching at least two sensitive spots that made her shudder.

“Gintoki,” Tsukuyo breathed out after his lips broke off of hers. “I’ll do this for you if you buy my freedom.”

Gintoki looked into her eyes and only saw sincerity, not a trace of maliciousness was evident in those violet eyes. “I can’t make that promise, and you know it,” he said, continuing to feel her under her clothes and nibbling on her neck. He sat up for a moment, taking his time to undo her obi and pushing the kimono out of the way to expose her to him.

“But you can try,” she urged.

“You’re right. I can try, but I can’t promise that I’d be able to afford it,” Gintoki said passively before removing the remainder of Tsukuyo’s clothes and his own with no opposition coming from her.

* * *

After they finished, Gintoki was the first to dress and leave in search of the housemaster to discuss the purchase of Tsukuyo’s freedom. He knew that the price for it would be much higher than renting her for a night. Still, he knew that he would come back time and time again until either she was released due to aging, or she would die before her freedom was ever realized. But, that didn’t stop Gintoki from upholding his end of their bargain. Tsukuyo did for him, and now he would maintain the deal for her. Once finding the housemaster again, sitting at his desk, he bowed to him and stated his offer to buy Tsukuyo.

“Oh? You want to buy my most priceless Jorou?” The housemaster sneered after snorting air out of his nose. “One hundred gold coins, nothing less.”

Gintoki’s eyes shot open in surprise. One hundred gold coins? That was ten times more than what he initially expected. “One hundred gold coins? That’s insane! I’d never make that kind of money!”

The housemaster chuckled, “Well, you see, she’s very popular amongst the locals. She brings in easily fifty gold coins every year, so I’d have to, at least, sell her for that amount to make up for the few years it’ll take to buy another popular selection.”

The condescending attitude of the housemaster aggravated Gintoki. The housemaster knew he would never be able to afford to buy her freedom. It left him with the only option to live nearby and buy her time every so often when he has enough coins to do so. Apparently, a silver coin was more than enough to buy his night with her. He gritted his teeth at the only option he was left with, clenching his fists in the meantime. Huffing, he reached in his pocket, pulling out the coin pouch, and handed over two silver coins. “This should be more than enough for an overnight stay,” Gintoki growled. He didn’t like it one bit that he couldn’t buy her freedom. The asking price for her was far more than he ever expected.

The housemaster took Gintoki’s coins, bit them to make sure they were real, and stuffed them right in his pocket. It was money that Tsukuyo would never see even though it was her doing the hard work. “You can have your overnight stay, but don’t expect such generosity the next time.”

It took everything Gintoki had in him to not clobber the guy and set the rest of his sex slaves free from their oppression. Still, Gintoki knew that if he did something of that nature, Tsukuyo would pay the price. And he couldn’t risk that. Tsukuyo was all that he had left to help him pick up the pieces. With her in captivity and her only escape being death, the only thing Gintoki could do was collect the money to have his overnight stays. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was worth the price he had to pay.

Gintoki stomped away from the housemaster’s office and back to the room where Tsukuyo was waiting to be taken back to the room where she was initially. Gintoki stepped back into the room and closed the door behind him. 

Tsukuyo sat on the futon, never moving from it. Her kimono draped off of her shoulder, exposing it and her collarbone. Her skeleton shined through, and she was so bony it made Gintoki wonder if she was being fed properly, but that didn’t concern him right then and there. Gintoki walked over to her, kneeling between her legs as she leaned back onto the futon. “He didn’t take it well, did he?”

“He made me an offer I had to refuse. One hundred gold coins is a little steep for someone with no real source of income.” Gintoki regretted that he had to refuse the offer, but there would be no way for him to earn that much in Tsukuyo’s lifetime. She would die before he even got to fifty gold coins. He nuzzled his face into her neck and whispered, “I can’t buy your freedom, but I’ll at least buy your time,” before continuing where they had left off and going on for the rest of the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone!  
> I won't lie, I'm about 75% through CBCB at this point. Meaning there's only a few more that chapters I need to write (approximately 5 if I include the almost finished chapter I'm working on right now).
> 
> But great news, everyone! I thought of the idea I want to write next, which is almost fully planned. It's a pretty good idea if I say so myself because I did what I usually do and smash a few concepts together to come up with a decent idea that's worth pursuing. However, I'm going to take a break for a while before hopping into writing that piece. I'm still working on CBCB, but right now after writing 50k words in 3 months, I've been a bit burned out from it, considering that most of that 50k is from CBCB. I'm hoping to hop on it once I take a rest from it for a bit.
> 
> Anyway, thank you for reading and leaving comments if you felt generous. :3


	8. Summer 1614

  
When Gintoki walked through the room again to rent her for a night, Tsukuyo’s eyes lit up in stars. Her eyes lit up every time she laid eyes on him, and his eyes softened from what she thought was relief that she was still here. She questioned why he would worry in the first place if she was going to still be at the brothel where she resided for the past year. Still, it didn’t stop her from being excited to see him again. He kept his promise to her for the first time. There were no dirty tricks into getting him to keep his promise like the first time they met. She wondered if he developed a soft spot for her after spending steamy nights together over the last year, but she didn’t care. Just the fact he was there with her at all was more than enough for her.

And the first time he touched her, every time they entered the room where they shared their nights together, she trembled. Every time like clockwork. There was no reason for her to tremble like she did, considering the number of times that Gintoki has touched her since they first met, but it had never been as sensually as it was now. The small gesture of placing his hand on her lower back as he ushered her into the room made the hair on the back of her neck stand up, giving her goosebumps and knocking knees. She felt like a fool for letting such small gestures make her weak, but logic and reasoning did nothing to prevent it. She knew it wasn’t meant to be. It never was never going to be. She knew that Gintoki knew as well, but he kept coming back. Week after week, he returned to see her and spend a night in her bed, doing terribly erotic things until the wee hours of the morning.

Gintoki confided in her that the housemaster initially was going to raise the prices of their overnight stays, making it almost impossible to continue on, but he never truly did as Tsukuyo was aware, unless Gintoki spent more money to see her. She never pried. It wasn’t her business to know if he spent more money as time went on. She only cared that he kept coming back and knew all the right spots to touch, which he learned on their first overnight stay and continued to remember to the current day. She liked it. He never gave her much attention in her previous lives. She remembered that clearly with him going as far as running away and coming back after his soulmate died once again.

But something changed. Like a switch flipped inside Gintoki’s head that made him see that other people loved him beyond his soulmate. She didn’t even know the name of the guy. He had never told her; he never even talked about him to her, but she didn’t care. With the way he touched her now, she could tell that something switched in his brain to make him realize there was more hope when relying on more than one person for the means to live. And she knew that was the reason he touched her as he did now.

The door closed. Tsukuyo turned into him, pressing her body into his and thanking him for his continued patronage, which easily prevented another slimy man from having her for a night. Gintoki gave her that glimmer of hope that someday she would be free from the housemaster’s clutches. She looked forward to him visiting every week. She would have it every day if she could, and she knew he felt the same way. “Are you going to look for the elixir yet?” She asked, breathing it into the side of his neck as he felt her over her clothes.

Gintoki didn’t reply. He never did when she asked him that question. She asked every time she saw him every week like clockwork, and he never responded any time he was asked. He felt under her clothes and kissed her neck instead. And when they made it to the futon, he said, “Lay down.” She obeyed like a lapdog receiving commands from her master, which in a way was what he was for the night, but unlike the other men she had spent nights with, she enjoyed his commands. She particularly didn’t mind when he suavely removed her obi and opened her kimono with what seemed like one fluid motion.

She knew it wasn’t right for her. She knew her feelings would never be realized by Gintoki. She knew and knew and knew and still let herself be used in such a fashion that she knew would only get hurt in the end. Yet, every week, he showed himself to teach her things about her body that she didn’t even know. And every week, it was something new. The way he touched her, the way he held her, it was almost hard to believe that he had feelings for someone else, unless… unless he was developing feelings for her too. As he continued on with their weekly ritual, she couldn’t concentrate on feeling good. All she could think about was whether or not he fell for her, and how that even if he did, it wouldn’t end happily for her. She would still get thrown away like her feelings never mattered in the first place because he would always choose his soulmate over her.

But when Tsukuyo looked into Gintoki’s eyes, there was a strange tint to them, a glossy shining look like he found happiness in a place he didn’t expect, and their lips would meet. It only made her question if she was okay continuing on with what they were doing, not that she could refuse him in the first place. The housemaster wouldn’t let her. Still, Tsukuyo thought if she told him that she wasn’t in the mood, they would just lay there, soaking up each other’s energy in a peaceful embrace until he would have to leave the next day. And every time, he said he would be back to see her. And she believed him. Every time. She had no reason to not believe him.

Once finished, Gintoki rolled onto his back, cleaning up the mess he made with a cloth that was so generously provided by the staff of the brothel. After, he rolled onto his side, planted his head in the crook of Tsukuyo’s neck, and wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her close to him.

However, something didn’t sit well with Tsukuyo that night. Something deep within her told her that she couldn’t lay here with him like they were real lovers. She was simply a prostitute, and he was simply her patron. Sitting up on her elbows, she looked over at Gintoki with sorrow in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I can’t. I can’t lay here with you, knowing you’ll just be at his side the minute he shows up again.”

“But he’s not here yet. Who knows when I would find him again anyway,” Gintoki passively said, picking his nose in the process and flicking it across the room. “Just let me have you for tonight. If you don’t want me to come back, just tell me, and I won’t.” He sat up, embracing her in his arms, which she didn’t return.

Tsukuyo, for once, didn’t know what to say. She sat there, being held by him with tears in her eyes before she returned his embrace. “I hate that I love you and that you can’t return my feelings,” she whispered as she dug her nails into his back, desperately clinging to something, anything that she could.

“Just because I’m meant to be with someone else doesn’t mean I can’t return your feelings.” Gintoki mumbled into her hair, “I already do. It’s been a year. If I didn’t, do you think I would come back week after week to see you?”

“I was your comfort amidst your emotional crisis. You can’t love me after that.” She choked on her words, but then again, Gintoki had a point. Why would he come back time and time again if he didn’t care for her? If he didn’t, he would just go back to find the elixir like he promised him. 

Gintoki sighed. “Just because I sought relief through you means I couldn’t develop feelings.”

“Don’t make me laugh. We both know that’s not possible. I’m a prostitute, Gintoki. I’m not allowed to love to begin with.”

“That doesn’t stop you, does it?”

Gintoki was right. Her being in the situation she is hasn’t stopped her from continuing her feelings from her past incarnations. Tsukuyo was speechless. The only thing she did was cry in his arms, arms not meant for her. “Prove it.”

“What do you mean?” Gintoki questioned.

“Prove that you love me.”

Gintoki sighed once again, releasing her from his grasp to lay her back down. “If you need that reassurance, I will give that to you in the gentlest way possible.”

And he did, continuing to do so throughout the night right up until he left the next day.

* * *

Gintoki knew something was off when he arrived a week later. A strange feeling that something foreboding was happening that he couldn’t quite lay a finger on.

Until he heard the screaming. The shrill sound of Tsukuyo’s voice pierced through his ears, and he burst through the door to see the housemaster with a fist full of her hair, screaming, “What do you mean you’re late?”

And everything went white.

When Gintoki came back after his blind fit of rage, he saw the housemaster dead on the ground hacked to pieces, along with most of his henchmen, and the rest? They cowered in fear for their own lives, not budging an inch toward him. Once he realized what happened, he quickly grabbed Tsukuyo’s hand and rushed out of the house and away from the area, not even stopping to breathe.

After several minutes of running, they stopped for a moment near a river. Gintoki turned around for a moment and looked at Tsukuyo, who looked mildly frightened of him. She backed up slightly away from him, and her eyes showed fear. “Stop looking at me like that. You know we had to get out of there.”

“I didn’t think my freedom would come at the cost of another’s life.” She brushed off her kimono of anything that could’ve gotten into it from the run for her life.

“Don’t think of it that way, even though your freedom is worth that price,” Gintoki mentioned, taking her into his arms. “Why was he screaming at you?”

“I’m late.”

Gintoki grabbed her shoulders and gave her an up-down look. “What do you mean you’re late?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Gintoki’s eyes widened, and he found himself with the inability to speak a coherent sentence. It shouldn’t have shocked him. With her profession, it shouldn’t have come as a shock that she was. There wasn’t any way to guard against it, but it came as a shock nonetheless. He pulled her into his arms again, only holding her tighter. A part of him was happy, but another, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to help her take care of it with the way he has to live his life. Uprooting all of their lives just so he wouldn’t get tortured for his secret to eternal life wasn’t a possibility, but he would have to make it work. He knew he had to try. He couldn’t abandon her. He knew it wasn’t possible to do so. “We’ll make it work. I’m not sure how, but we will.”

Gintoki took her by the hand and continued to lead her to their next destination, a move that only caused him to blush as he pushed past the brush that lined the forest floor. He didn’t know where to go. He couldn’t look for the elixir because he couldn’t abandon her. He couldn’t stay where he was because of what happened at the brothel. Nonetheless, they persevered. His only goal now was to get somewhere safe. Safe enough to protect them both and a safe environment for raising a child.

“Gintoki, where are we going?” Tsukuyo questioned. From what she told Gintoki, she never left the area that she lived in, especially after being sold to that brothel.

And before he knew it, small petals were floating around Gintoki, and as soon as he saw them, he made a full-stop to look around him for Hijikata. But he was nowhere to be seen. Gintoki looked as far as his eyes could see. There were no signs of Hijikata, but when he turned around, Tsukuyo was surrounded by blooms of four petals. Astounded, he stuttered, unable to get the right words out, babbling incoherent words that couldn’t possibly have made sense to Tsukuyo.

“Are these the flowers you saw around him?” The look in her eyes read that she knew this was already true.

“I don’t understand.”

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“How can someone have two soulmates? And why did the petals just now appear?” With the sign of the new petals and his hand still gripping Tsukuyo’s, he made way toward the next shine when a rather convenient sign showed the way. “I’m sorry. I need answers right now this second.” He apologized half-heartedly, knowing full well that Tsukuyo also wanted answers herself.

There was no reason for the petals to appear again because Hijikata was his soulmate, a fact that Gintoki has already accepted. So why were the petals appearing now? Was Tsukuyo also his soulmate? Was it even possible to have more than one soulmate? Gintoki had so many questions that he couldn’t answer himself, but he knew a shrine priestess would know. So, they made way to the closest shrine, so those questions could be answered.

Before they knew it, Gintoki and Tsukuyo arrived at a shrine on the outskirts of a town that seemed rather suitable to reside for a while. He stopped in front of the walkway and turned to Tsukuyo. “Do you want to come with me?” He asked her, giving her the options to stay and wait or to find out with him why the petals appeared around her centuries after her first encounter with Gintoki.

Tsukuyo brushed her foot against the ground. “Are they the same petals that you see around him?”

“Yeah. They are.”

“Then, do you really need to know if it’s possible to have two soulmates?”

Gintoki hesitated for a moment before saying, “Yeah. I do.” And after he told her, he headed off in the direction of the steps. He stepped on cold, crunchy petals that lined the walkway. The shrine was mere feet away, but he found it hard to walk toward it. The lingering questions made it worth being there, but what if the petals showing up means that they are meant to be together? Gintoki didn’t know if he could choose between Tsukuyo or Hijikata. The choice would be impossible, and when it came down to giving them the elixir, he wondered who he would give it to. Or would he give it to both of them, which is what he would prefer, but he didn’t know if it would be possible to provide it to both of them. He didn’t know how much of that elixir was left if there was any at all.

Stopping in front of the offering chest, Gintoki prayed like he always did. And as per usual, the shrine priestess appeared from her chambers to greet him. He bowed to her, showing his respect, and just blurted out his question, whether or not it is possible to have a second soulmate, with no regard.

The priestess only chuckled, which Gintoki found odd. Was what he asked truly funny, or was her laugh a forced one from being in an uncomfortable position. “Of course, it’s possible. One can have many soulmates, depending on what life has planned for them.”  
Gintoki looked up, his eyes wide from surprise, fear, and happiness all in one go. Surprise because it’s possible, happiness because he cares for both of them, and fear because he knew that neither one would accept him picking the other. He would have to choose between them if he got to choose at all. The possibility that the elixir was gone wasstill there, and that thought never left his mind. “Is there a reason why the flowers for her didn’t show up until now?”

The priestess put up a finger against her lips. “That’s a secret I can’t tell you.”

Thanking the priestess but also puzzled by her words, Gintoki went on his way back to Tsukuyo, and they made their way into the village that was close by. Upon entering the outskirts, they noticed a house that would be suitable for them to live in. Once inside, they realized they had nothing to help them live. No pots or pans, no clothes beyond the ones on their backs, no food, and no blankets to cover them when they slept. The hard life of being on the run was now their life, and Gintoki knew it was the life they had to live after not realizing what he did until it was all said and done.

“We have nothing,” Gintoki whispered, plopping down on the bail of hay that would serve as their bed. “We don’t have anything.” Despair laced his words, and for a good reason. How could they raise a child like this? How could they even live like this? He leaned back and put his hands behind his head. “What do we do now?”

Tsukuyo joined him shortly after he spoke, kissing him as he returned the favor. “We’ll make it. We’ve come this far. It’ll just take time.”

* * *

They made it, indeed, just like Tsukuyo said. Several months passed by, and to Tsukuyo, they went by in a flash. After a few months, she began to show. Even though she was moody, she appreciated everything Gintoki had done for her, which was to pick up the slack once she wasn’t able to touch her toes. She spent most of her time in bed, which was nice, but she would prefer if Gintoki could have joined her, even though he did every night. With her out of commission, it wasn’t possible. She knew he was hesitant about talking to the other villagers, but she could tell he got over that fear, even striking up a conversation when they were out and about, which was something he wouldn’t normally do.

Tsukuyo sat there with her back leaning against the wall as she watched Gintoki cook whatever food they had left. It was getting cold, and soon they would have had to make do with what food they were able to save, even though it wasn’t much. It was just enough to get them by for the colder months. Of course, in a few weeks, they would have another mouth to feed, but it wasn’t like the baby could eat regular food. So, they weren’t too worried about that. She counted down the days until their little bundle of joy arrived, even though she still didn’t know who the father was, considering the situation she was in when the news sprung. She hoped it was Gintoki’s. She hoped with everything in her because she would feel terrible about springing on him a responsibility that he didn’t need, especially when it was another man’s child. “Are you sure you’re not gonna mind?”

Gintoki looked over his shoulder for a moment. “Are we talking about this again? I told you, I don’t mind. I’d be happy to help if it makes you happy.” He sighed as he went back to cooking. “Stop asking me every day. I’m not gonna change my mind overnight.”

“But it might not even be yours. Would you still feel the same way even if it wasn’t?”

“It’s mine regardless of who the father is.”

Tsukuyo could only blush whenever he said that, and that’s when she knew. Her face flushed after he said that as he never said that before. She never asked that particular question. But receiving such a reaffirmed answer only made her feel better because she now knew that he took on the responsibility because he wanted to, not because he must. “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you doing this for me.” Tsukuyo only wanted to show her gratitude toward him, and that’s what she decided to do. She didn’t want Gintoki to think she was ungrateful toward him, even though her hormones had been giving him a rough time.

“You don’t have to thank me for doing what I want to do.”

“But you didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to since you told me, so stop that.”

Placing a hand on her bump, she rubbed it, hoping to quell the little tyke growing within her as when she blushed, its kicking went into high gear. “You can’t make me blush like that. She’s going crazy in here.”

“She? How do you know it’s a girl?”

“It’s a gut feeling. I can just tell.”

Gintoki abandoned cooking for a moment to sit next to Tsukuyo, placing a hand on her bump. “Kinda makes it more real when I feel him kick.”

“Oh, so you think it’s a boy?”

“Has to be. If it’s my kid in there, he’s definitely gonna be a boy.” His hand remained firmly on her bump as he leaned over to kiss Tsukuyo’s temple, who once again blushed. “He really is going crazy in there when you blush,” Gintoki said when he noticed her face turned red. A light flush appeared on his cheeks as he continued to hold her, feeling every moment from their baby.

“We’re gonna be parents soon,” Tsukuyo said. “I’m glad you’re the one with me. I don’t know if I could do it on my own.” She took his hand in both of hers and kissed his fingers in a rather seductive manner.

Gintoki caught on pretty quickly. “I’m cooking right now, but I will pleasure you later.” Gintoki removed his hand from her grasp, moving back into the seat and tending to the food that was just about on the verge of burning. Luckily, he made it back in time to avoid going hungry for a night. He wouldn’t have minded if he had to go hungry, but he would never allow Tsukuyo to go hungry while being in the delicate situation that she is.

“Hurry up and finish!” An impatient Tsukuyo was getting quite restless, not for the lovemaking but to feel Gintoki’s arms around her, her safe place. With Gintoki by her side, she felt like nothing could stop her. He made her invincible. “I’m already missing you.”

“I’m right here. How could you miss me already?” Gintoki teased her, not wholly unusual from their typical banter.

“I want you by my side right now,” she whispered, low enough that he didn’t hear her. “I love you,” she said, slightly louder but not by much, to announce her love for him for the first time that day.

“I know you do,” Gintoki spoke in a low voice, removing the hot pan from the fire and onto the table.

Tsukuyo heard Gintoki but didn’t reply. He didn’t say it back. He hasn’t once said those words since admitting it to her and especially since they moved to this village. It made her wonder if he was regretting going through everything with her. Even when asked, he flat-out denied it, but still, he wouldn’t say he loved her. And she knew it was because of his soulmate. It wasn’t like she could complain. Obviously Gintoki would still have feelings for him. She knew that but didn’t consider it a possibility. She felt as if Gintoki would have told her if his soulmate was around, but with the way he doesn’t tell her, she also felt like he was hiding something, something that she couldn’t quite place a finger on. She moved on once he told her to come eat, something she happily obliged to do.

* * *

Gintoki’s eyes fluttered open while the world was still dark. He lay flat on his back with Tsukuyo cuddled up against him cradling their child. It was mildly concerning that he aroused from a dead sleep because it was so rare these days to get a full night sleep now ever since the baby was born. It wasn’t until he heard her weeping that he knew something was off. She didn’t cry easily, not by a long shot, so something must have happened while he was asleep to make her upset. But what it was, was a question left unanswered, not that she woke him up in the first place, causing him concern for her. He flipped over, wrapping his arm around her and burying his face into her back. “What’s wrong?”

Tsukuyo didn’t answer. Concerned, Gintoki leaned onto his arm and kissed her shoulder. 

“Tell me what’s wrong. I thought we were past the point where you felt like you couldn’t rely on me.” He was only worried about her and showed her his concern.

“She’s dead,” Tsukuyo stammered in between sobs, this time the tears fell freely rather than choking them back. 

Gintoki sat up. The blanket they shared dropped, showing off his bare chest. “What do you mean she’s dead?” He asked, monotone in voice. His face became stone, freezing in place as he decidedly tried to fight back his own tears.

Tsukuyo now couldn’t stop her sobbing to answer. Her tears flowed so freely as such a loss of life. Her baby, their baby, was gone. No crying, no fussing, nothing came from her. Pure, unadulterated silence came from the life Tsukuyo bore and Gintoki helped create. She played with her messy silver hair and rubbed her cheeks with her finger, pulling their baby closer to her.

“Tsukuyo, what do you mean she’s dead?” He reiterated coldly, almost unsympathetically.

“I woke up, and.. And she wasn’t breathing. I felt for a pulse, and there wasn’t one,” she continued to stammer as she tried choking back her tears enough to give an answer.

In disbelief, Gintoki reached over her, and once he placed his hand on their baby, he felt the ice-cold soft skin. And the dawning realization that their baby was genuinely dead, his tears didn’t hold back, not like Tsukuyo. He sobbed and sobbed and sobbed, her back becoming wet from his tears, as he wrapped his arm around Tsukuyo again, digging his nails into her skin.

“Gintoki… what do we do now?” Tsukuyo asked as she flipped over and moved closer to him, trying hard to stay close to him or as close as she could.

And Gintoki, doing what he did best, kissed her. “I know I haven’t told you lately. More like months, but I love you. I will always love you.” His coping mechanisms should not be sex, but it was what he coped with best, trying so hard to fill his mind with endorphins rather than the emptiness that welled in him. It was like the loss of Hijikata all over again but worse because it was a life he created, so he couldn’t help feeling hopeless. However, he knew it wouldn’t be possible to do the deed with a child in their bed, so he settled for just kissing her, placing a hand on her lower back.

“Stop that,” Tsukuyo pleaded, although her body language told Gintoki otherwise.

With the heat of the moment being where it was, he almost found it hard to stop, but in the long run, he did, knowing that Tsukuyo felt the same way he felt about the situation. Instead, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. “I don’t know what to do now,” he confessed.

Tsukuyo placed a hand on his face, her cheeks stained from tears. “We’ll make it through this.”

Her words struck him with a new will to live. He smiled, seemingly finding hope where there was none. Giving her a soft kiss and then crawling out of bed, he stood up, giving her his hand. “Let’s at least give her a proper burial.”

“Right now?”

“Yeah.” The sun was peeking out, giving off a soft light as the sky slowly brightened up. “Sun’s up enough to give enough light to do what we need to do.”

Picking up her baby girl, Tsukuyo scooted off the bed and placed her hand in Gintoki’s when he held it out for her to take hold. She held her in her arms as Gintoki dug the shallow grave off to the side of their home, giving off the vibe this wasn’t the first time he has ever done this. “Why do you seem so calm doing this?”

“It’s not the first time I’ve dug a grave before. The last few times I saw him, I dug his grave.” Thinking about the memory of burying Hijikata stung Gintoki where it hurts, a feeling that he has long forgotten what it was like burying someone he cared so deeply for. He wouldn’t lie. Spending as much time with Tsukuyo as he did almost wiped away that memory only for her to bring up the bitter memories he would rather forget.

“I should’ve known that,” Tsukuyo whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Gintoki just ignored her, continuing to concentrate his efforts into the hole he was reluctantly digging. Things felt different this time around. Gintoki tried to learn that attachment wasn’t the best thing for him as an immortal man. Still, he couldn’t stop himself from doing so, only to repeat the vicious cycle of comfort and happiness to tragic loneliness death after death of everyone he cared about. It was hard. Gintoki thought he would get used to it after several of Hijikata’s deaths. However, every one of them stung in a way that he still wondered how he recovered from them. Now he had the same attachment to Tsukuyo that was similar but completely different at the same time. He couldn’t explain it even if he was asked, but it was different. He tried so desperately to numb himself but couldn’t bring himself to stop caring about those he loved entirely, even though he knew it was the best thing for him.

When he finished digging the grave, Gintoki stuck his arms out to place their baby into the grave he so selflessly dug, only for Tsukuyo to place her herself. She looked at him with tears in her eyes, almost running into his arms. “What do we do now?” She asked as he wrapped his arms around her and bumped his forehead to hers.

“We survive. That’s all we can do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry. That's all I gotta say this time.
> 
> 'Til next time!


	9. Fall 1656

Tsukuyo died several months after their child, and Gintoki was once again left alone. With the memories of their time together still fresh on his mind, he couldn’t help but feel awful. It took him several decades to improve his mood, even though it wasn’t by much because spending all of his time alone only gave him time to sulk about it. It wasn’t until he saw the five-petal blooms again that he felt even remotely better. Still, of course, his only source of comfort he got was when Hijikata appeared in his life once again, quickly accepted his fate, and asked him to move in with him.

Even though Gintoki was ecstatic about it, the memory of that fateful night with Tsukuyo haunted him. The memory of seeing Tsukuyo’s body disemboweled on their floor after he got home from a trip into the village lingered as well. And now it just felt like he was using Hijikata the same way he used Tsukuyo at first before those sparks of feelings ignited a roaring fire that couldn’t be quelled. Gintoki confessed this to Hijikata, not expecting it to go over well. Surprisingly, Hijikata didn’t mind because he had already expected that at one point or another, Gintoki would eventually have fallen for someone else. Still, Gintoki reminded him that his heart belonged to him first and foremost, but he neglected to mention that the petals also appeared around Tsukuyo and that a part of him belonged to her, too. He didn’t feel the need to divulge this information. He knew that Hijikata would rather sacrifice their relationship, so that Gintoki could be with Tsukuyo. But Gintoki didn’t want him to do that as most of his heart belonged to Hijikata.

When they made love for the first time in this current life, a seed of doubt planted in Gintok’s mind about his devotion to Hijikata, and that distracted himself from feeling good. He tried so hard to shake the feeling. Still, eventually, he pulled out and told Hijikata that he couldn’t continue, leaving a disappointed and confused Hijikata in their bed while he went to clear his mind.

The walk only made matters worse as Gintoki saw Tsukuyo from afar. He noticed the pained look on her face before she turned around and hightailed it back in the direction in which she came. He tried calling out to her while she was in earshot and tried catching up with her, only for her to outpace him, seemingly like she was forsaking him. And Gintoki hated it. Tsukuyo refused to even acknowledge him. His confused emotions for her made him question his love for Hijikata. And no matter how much he tried to distract himself, he still always thought back to the death of Tsukuyo and his child. It was all too much for him. There was neither rest from it nor anything that could ease the pain.

Gintoki forced back tears as Hijikata had finally caught up with him. The pained expression on Gintoki’s face indicated that something was wrong, but he refused to talk about it to Hijikata, which made Hijikata feel hurt because he wanted Gintoki to rely on him. After a few moments of trying to coax Gintoki into talking, Hijikata realized that his attempts were futile. He walked away, leaving Gintoki to slide against the tree until his butt touched the ground. That was when his tears were more than just tears; they were more like ever-flowing streams running out of his eyes.

Gintoki knew he was losing both Tsukuyo and Hijikata from everything that had happened. Between the death of his and Tsukuyo’s child along with his refusal to talk to Hijikata about it, Gintoki knew that he was pushing them both away as far as he could. He felt like there was no reason to accept love in his life whenever it was so easily taken from him, which he knew it didn’t just start with his child but with Hijikata. Unlike Hijikata, his child may never reincarnate, making it impossible for him to see her grow up, and thinking about it only broke Gintoki’s heart even more. It shattered the little pieces of his heart that were already broken enough to ever try to fix.

After a few minutes of sitting against the tree, Gintoki wiped his face of the tears with his sleeve. The cold winter night’s wind only froze them into place on his cheeks with him shivering as he went back home. Hijikata was already asleep in their bed when he got home. That didn’t stop him from packing what little stuff he had before he was here and leaving Hijikata to forever wonder what went wrong between them.

* * *

Gintoki spent the next forty years just wandering the land with no clear goal in mind. He knew that he should have been looking for the elixir, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so because of how things ended up between both Hijikata and Tsukuyo. He thought that he was just meant to be alone, rather than be with either one of them. He ran into both of them over forty years separately, but neither spoke to him and ignored the flowers entirely. However, when their eyes landed on him, a strange pining was visible in their eyes, also reflecting in his own. All Gintoki could do was look away in his misery and continue on with his life, trying his best to ignore what he truly wanted, which was to run back to them and live a life less dark and gloomy

It had been years since Gintoki saw either one of them. He couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t want to see them. The need for them was still there, but because of his inability to forget his daughter and what effect she had on him, he had let go of the hold on those who cared about him in the process of grieving. He wondered if it would ever be the same again, but he doubted it and erased any possibility from his mind that it would ever get better.

At the turn of the century, Gintoki found himself in a coastal town on the Honshu island after spending decades bumming countless people for food and shelter. The home he lived in was unlike any of the ones before. This one sat on the coast, directly off the beach, with a beautiful view of the restless ocean. Regardless of the view, the home felt empty without either Tsukuyo or Hijikata being there with him. He was left alone with his thoughts as he spent most of his days holed up in the two-room house, not daring to go out to see if he could see Tsukuyo or Hijikata again. Not because he didn’t want to see them. That was not the case at all. But he didn’t want to see their expression of longing that was worn in their eyes, knowing fully well that he couldn’t return the same look as his eyes wore the look of despair when he saw them. His bitter memories took too much prevalence any time he laid eyes on them.

On an ordinary day, knocking abruptly stirred Gintoki awake, even though the brightly shining sun glaring through his window should have done that hours ago. Nonetheless, he stumbled out of bed and placed a hand on the doorknob. It was unusual for him to have visitors as he spent no time outside of his house beyond getting water from the well on the outskirts of town. However, he still twisted the doorknob open. He was taken by surprise when Hijikata burst through the door and planted his lips right on top of Gintoki’s, taking hold of his shirt. And because Gintoki missed the feeling of his lips, he subjected himself to it, even returning the kiss and placing his hands on Hijikata’s face before his tears appeared. When they broke apart and gasped for air, Gintoki’s tears fell as he put his hands on Hijikata’s shoulders, mumbling “I can’t” over and over and over again. And when he looked up, a merciful expression twinkled in Hijikata’s eyes. “Stop isolating yourself. Whatever happened wasn’t your fault.” Hijikata tried to console Gintoki the best he could without knowing what internal struggles he was going through for the past one hundred years. “I know the last time I didn’t want to see you, but it hurts too much to see you and be away from you. I... can’t live without you.”

Gintoki wrapped his arms around Hijikata’s neck in an embrace, pulling him closer to him, which Hijikata returned. “I know, but after what happened, I feel like I can’t love you the way you deserve to be loved.” He sighed. “I can’t explain it even if I wanted to.”

“It involves her, doesn't it?”

Looking away from Hijikata, Gintoki mumbled, “Yeah. It does. It’s complicated. That’s why I can’t talk about it.”

Not prying any further, Hijikata stood there with Gintoki crying in his arms. And Gintoki felt whole for the first time in so long. For almost a century, he felt like he was only half a person. Not having either of them in his life for so long only made the time pass at a crawl. Days were spent wallowing in tears and dejection. He only did the bare minimum socialization to keep his mind somewhat sane. And it only reminded him of the last times he saw both of them. Tsukuyo ran away from him. Gintoki ran away from Hijikata. And then when he saw them again in their most recent previous life, they just looked at him with soft eyes full of undeserved desire, as though they knew he wouldn’t accept them as he was.

They were right in a way. As Gintoki was during their lives, he felt there was no way he could love either of them when he was so desperately trying to love himself. Because he knew that if he couldn’t even do that, there was no way he could truly love someone else. But the look in Tsukuyo’s eyes was a bit different than the one in Hijikata’s. He read those violet eyes like a book, seeing through her body language and into her soul where she was still broken from what happened. The memories of the fights they shared during that period obviously haunted her into her next life. The only thing she could do was run away, even though Gintoki so desperately wanted her to hear him out about working it out. He wanted her to help him to move past it, where he didn’t feel destroyed anymore. He couldn’t talk about it to Hijikata. Then Tsukuyo wouldn’t even speak a word to him, quickly hightailing it out of his vicinity as soon as she laid eyes on him.

Hijikata and Gintoki stood there for a few minutes as Gintoki cried out all of the pain held within him. After he calmed down, they sat down next to the chabudai. They started talking seriously when Hijikata finally dared to ask Gintoki what happened where he lost all hope and pushed both him  _ and _ Tsukuyo away.

And Gintoki told him everything from start to finish, about how he had a child to Tsukuyo after he fell for her while renting her weekly for over a year. He explained the sudden loss of both their child and Tsukuyo, one in her sleep and the other from ritual suicide that took him by surprise. He told how Tsukuyo ran away from him the moment she saw him. He explained everything that he held within him for the past one hundred years, all of it blubbered out in between tears and sobs as he told every little detail he remembered. He apologized sincerely to Hijikata for leaving him in the middle of the night. He apologized for not talking about it sooner. He apologized for not finishing the first time they made love in that life. He apologized and apologized and apologized until there was nothing to apologize about anymore.

And when finished, Gintoki felt significantly better. A breath of a second wind entered him and permeated throughout him, his tears drying up, and for the first time in a century, he smiled, flashing his teeth with such a wide smile. He looked deeply into Hijikata’s ocean blue eyes and told him, “I love you. I know you’re probably upset with some of the things I said, but regardless, I want to stay with you.”

“Are you going to run to her when she comes back to you?”

“I have no intention of leaving your side for as long as you live,” Gintoki replied honestly because what he said was true. He didn’t have any intention of leaving him. Still, he couldn’t guarantee that he wouldn’t feel strongly about Tsukuyo when he would lay his eyes on her again. But he also couldn’t assume that she would even talk to him in the first place as he thought when she saw him, the memories were so harsh and unforgiving she couldn’t bear to be near him. To have such a connection with another person where they conceive a child was still mind-boggling to him. There was something about that particular connection he didn’t understand until it actually happened. However, it doesn’t stop his want for his ties to Hijikata to be that deep, regardless of the fact they couldn’t have a child together.

Hijikata cupped the back of Gintoki’s neck, pulling him closer to him. “I’m so glad you’re back,” he whispered into his ear.

Gintoki touched his head to Hijikata’s and said, “I think I should be the one who says that.” He placed his head on Hijikata’s shoulder, kissing the side of his neck. It was what he wanted from the start, but a lingering feeling of guilt permeated throughout him. He knew he shouldn’t feel guilty; Hijikata told him this clearly, but the loss of his own flesh and blood hurt in a way he didn’t imagine would be possible. Lifting his head, Gintoki took hold of Hijikata’s hand and led him toward his bed. “I don’t want to sleep with you,” Gintoki started, fiddling with Hijikata’s hand, “I want to lay here with you and sleep with you.” He couldn’t fathom the idea of having sex with Hijikata right after reconciling, but the idea of just taking in his energy as a way to heal was comforting to the point where he wanted to take advantage of it. He missed him more than anything in this world beyond Tsukuyo and his child.

Without missing a beat, Gintoki lay on the bed and pulled Hijikata into his arms. Getting comfortable, he snuggled into the crook of Hijikata’s neck. There was nothing in this world that could stop Gintoki from enjoying his presence after bearing his soul to Hijikata. He lay there with his head on Hijikata’s chest, feeling every movement from his breathing and enjoying it wholeheartedly.

Neither of them said a word until Hijikata spoke. “Have you talked to her?”

Gintoki winced from the thought. He hadn’t talked to her; she hadn’t let him. Any time she laid eyes on him, she sprinted in the other direction before she even gave him the chance to speak. He tried chasing her down but to no avail. The lack of communication with her drove him crazy, and only she could truly understand his pain in the situation. Certainly, Hijikata had been able to listen and contribute some type of help, but he didn’t understand the pain. To Gintoki, he never would as long as they were together. “She won’t even come near me. She runs away at the sight of me.”

“You have to confront her at some point.”

“You make it sound so easy when I can’t even get her to look at me, let alone let me talk to her,” Gintoki huffed at what seemed Hijikata’s lack of understanding. It hurt knowing that his other soulmate wouldn’t communicate with him. “Let’s just stop talking about this. We’re going to end up fighting because of it.”

Hijikata didn’t reply, and Gintoki could only feel consoled with the fact that Hijikata didn’t want to argue. Gintoki was sure that he had more to say on the matter, but the simple request of letting it go seemed to work for the moment. Of course, the possibility that Hijikata could bring it up later was there, but he backed down for now. Regardless if it would come up, Gintoki just appreciated that he dropped it for now, at least.

They lay there for a while, and only one thing ran through Gintoki’s mind:

_ How long will things last this time? _

* * *

A slight rumbling woke Gintoki from a drunken stupor, which resulted from quite a night of drinking and romping with Hijikata as an early New Year’s celebration. They finally celebrated their anniversary after much insistence from Gintoki as Hijikata was rarely around long enough to celebrate such an occasion.

The slight rumbling became much more jagged and jarring as time went on. It alerted Gintoki to shake Hijikata awake, who was in such a dead sleep he didn’t even notice the earthquake that was happening underneath them. With a slight tug of Hijikata’s clothes, Gintoki said his name, receiving no answer. “Hijikata! Wake up!” He screamed at the top of his lungs, almost unable to hear his own voice with the loud rattling happening around them.

With a slight stir, Hijikata rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and finally felt the rumbling. “There’s an earthquake!”

“That’s what I was trying to tell you, but you wouldn’t wake up! We need to go.” If there was one thing that Gintoki knew, it was the fact that once an earthquake hit a Tsunami would follow soon after. Paranoia struck Gintoki. His eyes widened, and he just  _ knew _ something was going to happen to Hijikata. The only thing that he could think that would happen was that Hijikata would drown from the huge incoming wave. Without a second thought, Gintoki grabbed Hijikata by the hand and yanked him out of bed and in the direction of the door, sprinting out hand-in-hand with Hijikata.

And they ran. Gintoki and Hijikata ran and ran until a high enough hill was in view. Gintoki constantly looked behind him and Hijikata and saw the incoming wave already making landfall. It was only a matter of time before they would be caught up in it, struggling to survive. With his eyes wide, Gintoki tried so hard to move faster and faster, but he was at his top speed. There was no going faster.

Gintoki never let go of Hijikata’s hand until they had to climb up the small cliff to make it to the top of the hill. Climbing as fast as he could, he placed hand and hand on rocks that jutted out of the side just big enough to grab hold of them. Hijikata was shortly behind him, imitating his actions. Gintoki pulled himself onto the higher ground right as the wave crashed against the cliff with it covering Hijikata’s lower half. He stuck out his hand for Hijikata to take hold, but as soon as Hijikata reached up and lightly placed his hand into Gintoki’s, the wave receded, pulling Hijikata away from the cliff and Gintoki. He could only watch in horror as he saw Hijikata be swept away with the receding water.

It didn’t hit him at first. It didn’t hit him that the fact that Hijikata would most definitely drown after being swept away if he wasn’t slammed against a building. Gintoki stood there in such a shock that he remained calm. There was no saving Hijikata. He realized that there was no way for him to save him, and when that realization hit, he sunk to his knees once again, his hands planting him on the ground.

He couldn’t stop the tears, his cheeks stained by them, and his eyes red and sore as they could have been. He tried to wipe the tears away but they just kept flooding. Between sobs, he choked, “Hijikata, don’t go. Please don’t leave me.” He clenched his firsts, dirt burrowing under his fingernails.

After a few minutes, Gintoki calmed down, trying so hard to remind himself of the fact that it won’t be the last time he would see Hijikata again. Picking himself up, he waded through the waist-deep water to search for Hijikata, or well, anyone that might have survived. He saw body after body of people who didn’t make it, and after an hour of searching, he forced himself to face the fact that Hijikata was truly gone. Not a piece of him remained, and the tunnel became dark, darker than night itself. At a complete loss, Gintoki went back to their home, or at least, what was left of it. And when he made it back, his hand fell to his side. “Tsukuyo…” He whispered, inaudible to the blonde that stood outside his door, her body visibly trembling.

When she laid eyes on him, Tsukuyo ran into his arms, slamming her body into his, and his arms wrapped around her waist instinctively and without a second thought. Hyperventilating, she barely managed to say, “You-you survived!” Her breath, uneven and staccato, hitched when Gintoki kissed her without hesitation, but she gave in, deepening it. Before long, she broke off. “We can’t stay here. We have to go!” She grabbed him by the hand and pulled him away from his home and in the direction of a trail leading to another town several miles away.

Gintoki didn’t mind, nor did he question how she found him or why she would finally talk to him, but upon more critical thought, he stopped her. “Why are you talking to me?” He asked, deadpan. “We haven’t spoken to each other in over a century. You ran from me when I needed you.”

Tsukuyo avoided his eyes. “I don’t want to avoid you anymore,” she said, “I’m sorry. It hurts, Gintoki. I miss her; every time I saw you, I thought of her, the single connection we had.”

“That doesn’t matter!” Gintoki clenched not only his jaw but his fists too. It wasn’t as if he didn’t think of their child whenever he saw her, but it only hurt him more whenever she would run away at the sight of him. “I needed you there with me. She wasn’t the only part of the connection we had; there’s more to what we are than just her. I can’t forget her either… but you abandoned me when I needed you most.”

Tsukuyo already let go of Gintoki’s hand as she found it hard to hold it when he clenched his fists. “I don’t know what else you want me to say—I’ve already apologized to you about it.”

“Just tell me what you want from me now. No dirty tricks. No running at the thought. Just… What do you want from me?” Gintoki could tell she was tiptoeing around her words. Her sudden hesitancy to speak of what she wanted, a clear sign she didn’t want to bring it up, was a red flag in Gintoki’s eyes. He couldn’t think of anything that she could possibly want from him, so it made no sense to see her hesitate before him.. “Spit it out already!” His patience wore thin, his voice cracking from such a bellow.

Tsukuyo opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out, irking Gintoki’s patience even more than it already had. “I.. can’t tell you right now.”

With a snort of air, Gintoki stared Tsukuyo down, fire in his eyes, the fire of resentment. “You need to tell me before I can continue on with you.”

With a sigh and slight melancholy in her eyes, Tsukuyo said, “I want another child.”

Gintoki blinked, not just once, not just twice, but several times with a blank stare, trying so hard to register what she just said. With how broken they both have been about it, it was hard for him to comprehend  _ why _ she wanted another child. “Why would you want that of all things? Don’t you think it’d be a bad idea after what happened?” He shot his words for the kill to snub this idea before he, too, was on board. It hurt him saying those words as he felt the same way, but realistically, he didn’t think he would be able to survive another child’s death. The first one already left him beaten and broken to the point of despondency, going as far as abandoning those who loved him. Even Tsukuyo did the same thing. He remembered quite vividly her forsaking him merely at the sight of him. And every time he thought of the view of her back fleeing from his direction, it stung him like a wasp hovering right over the most tender spot of his body and aiming for the kill. He wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t expect Tsukuyo to say those words. Deep within him, he knew she would eventually. It was a matter of when, but he didn’t expect it would be within the hour of reconnecting, just an hour after kissing her for the first time in over a century.

“I want a second chance, not only to parent but  _ to be with you _ . I’ve missed her; I’ve missed you; I’ve missed  _ our life together... _ ” Tsukuyo trailed off, almost as if she couldn’t speak the next line. “Gintoki,” she started again, “I want you to love me like you did. The last few lives I’ve had… they’ve been so lonely, and I knew why, but I couldn’t bring myself to face the hurt. Not only from what happened, but because I knew I hurt you, abandoned you, forsook you out of my own selfishness, but I’ve loved and missed you. That’s why I want you to give me another child, a second chance to have the life that was torn from the both of us.”

For a moment, Gintoki couldn’t speak, but the tension in his hand and around his body loosened. He reached out to her, desperately yearning to feel her skin against his, and he caressed her in an unusually gentle embrace. His breathing hitched as he felt her racing heart, beating so powerfully that he could feel it against her skin. His own heart pounded away, easily felt under his fingertips. “I don’t know if I can bring myself to give you what you want,” he said reluctantly in every sense of the word, “But I’ll try.

Finishing his sentence, Gintoki took her by the hand and headed off to a quiet spot no one else was aware of. A place that would cement their bond together in hopes that he would be able to give in to both of their desires.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm a bit late to the party. Got a lot of stuff going on lately, so updating, not gonna lie, has been the last thing on my mind right now. Right now, we're in the middle of cleaning and painting my room at my mom's house because I'm finally moving back home, and then there was the stint where I was stumped because I've been going through some things with my unemployment which has been a total bummer lately.
> 
> Anyhoo, as for an update, I've decided that I'm going to rewrite a bit of Covet every time I get stumped somewhere because it seems to help with getting out of the rut, as I've finally finished Chapter 12 of CBCB. As I've written Chapter 12 of CBCB, I've been rethinking on how to do the ending, which I haven't quite decided on yet. Since Camp NaNoWriMo is upon us, I plan to write the rest of the first half of my new fic that I plan to post after CBCB is finished and squared away.
> 
> If you read this mess of an AN, I appreciate that, and I sincerely hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for reading!


	10. Spring 1705

A quiet afternoon was all that Gintoki wanted, an afternoon just between him and Tsukuyo, but their six-month-old, Yua, would never allow it. Gintoki and Tsukuyo's only period of peace and quiet was when their child would take a nap for the afternoon, which gave them enough time to spend together. Gintoki found it was hard to keep his hands to himself, slowly and surely fiddling with Tsukuyo’s obi enough to see her in all of her glory. He nibbled on her neck and caressed her body, his hand on sliding down her chest and lowering to much more sensitive areas. And he knew she was enjoying it as he felt her tremble under his touch. "C-can we?" Gintoki whispered into her ears, tripping on his words from his own excitement. She obliged to his request with a murmur, and he wasted no time as he removed his own clothing and the rest of hers.

Gintoki enjoyed every second of their time together, spending each second wisely before it came to a climax with relief following afterward. After he finished cleaning up his mess, he looked at her and said, "Things have worked out better this time around." He was glad that he decided to give it another shot, regardless of the little voice in the back of his head screaming that it was a bad idea. "Kinda makes me want to expand just by a little bit."

Tsukuyo returned his gaze with a smile on her face. "I'm glad you feel that way," she trailed off slightly, "because I'm pregnant again."

"Again?"

"Yeah."

With a smile and pulling her closer to him, Gintoki kissed her cheek and said, "I can't wait."

They lay there for a while after dressing, just soaking up each other's embrace before their child would wake up for the rest of the day. Gintoki wouldn't lie and say he wasn't tired. Being awakened in the middle of the night to feed and change a child was exhausting, but with spring on the horizon, they would be able to spend much more time outside their home beyond getting water from the river down the pathway to the west of town. Being cooped up inside their house wasn't going to be an option after spring arrived, but with Tsukuyo being in such a delicate position, she wouldn't be able to lend Gintoki much help.

Gintoki couldn't help but feel positive about their situation. Life between them resumed with them picking up right where they left off. However, the looming uncertainty regarding both Tsukuyo and their child's life remained. Still, Gintoki attempted to ignore that thought to just enjoy what time they had now, which was a family that Gintoki wanted a second chance with. They gazed at the bundle of joy they created with no effort required. Her silver locks looked just like their first with piercing violet eyes. It was as if their child reincarnated as Tsukuyo did.

After Tsukuyo began to tend to their now awakened six-month-old, Gintoki decided it was time to start their dinner and continued on with their nightly ritual. He hastily chopped vegetables and meat before throwing them into a pot above a roasting fire. The fire was just high enough to touch the pot and kept the room just warm enough to keep them comfortable. The snow on the ground outside wouldn't last for long with spring right on the horizon, with each day getting slightly warmer than the last.

Tsukuyo and Gintoki's lives together wasn't much, but it was _enough_. Spending cold, snowy days snuggled up with their child and talking about what happened to Gintoki throughout his time alone brought them closer together with Tsukuyo constantly apologizing for throwing him to the wolves. Gintoki knew how she felt and reassured her because now that she had since realized what wrong she did to him that he had forgiven her. She continued to apologize anyway, whenever the occasion arose, almost to the annoyance of Gintoki, but he let her continue on with her repentance, realizing that she would get it out of her system eventually.

On a rather warm sunny day a few months down the line, Gintoki noticed Tsukuyo seeming unlike herself. She reassured him that everything was fine, even though she openly admitted that something felt off. She rubbed her bump as she sat with Gintoki, whose hand met with hers. A warm fuzzy feeling between both of them was replicated from their first time doing this all those years ago.

With summer arriving, the village they lived in was preparing for their annual festival that was held to please their local god for good luck. Paper streamers and stalls to play games and eat delicious secret recipes lined the very few streets they had, but it was enough to keep the few hundred people who lived here ecstatic for the festival. Kids running to and from and playing their games awaiting the festival open the next day to enjoy with their parents. Gintoki couldn't help but wonder what sweets would be at different stalls just to satisfy the sweet tooth that he had not been able to fulfill since the last festival he attended several hundred years ago. Certainly, there would be some sweets, so Gintoki wondered how many sweets there would be.

Before long, the sky darkened and became much more enchanting with the paper lanterns hanging around the village. Gintoki sat up and gave Tsukuyo his hand before she denied his offer of going to the festival. "I'm not feeling up to it tonight. Maybe tomorrow." With a depressed sigh, Gintoki continued on without her, trying his best to enjoy the festival while knowing that something was eating Tsukuyo away.

* * *

Leaves of red, yellow, and orange, one by one, floated down to the ground, crunching under anyone who stepped on them. Green leaves still peeked out between the colorful ones, but they were far and few between with how late in the year it was. Gintoki spent most of his time preparing for winter as best as he could with having a rambunctious one-year-old and a wife who was ultimately out of commission on bedrest for the rest of her pregnancy. There wasn't much Gintoki could do except bear the burden to keep their family alive for the next month or two before the arrival of their second child. He sat on the floor, salting and stuffing pots to the brim with meat and vegetables.

Tsukuyo stayed silent. She didn't say a word to him, still in a funk that she had been riding out since the festival, and she never did go to the festival. A morose mood overtook her, a mellow and unforgiving depression that lingered a lot longer than it should. With deep frown lines, her mind was elsewhere. Gintoki attempted to talk to her, but it seemed as though her ears didn't process his words. She was unreachable, almost mentally checked out. She rubbed her bump and continued to stare out the window as their child slept.

Even though Gintoki knew she wasn't listening, he continued to talk, mentioning anything that came to mind in between periods of silence when he had to concentrate. "You're due soon. We haven't picked out a name yet."

No response.

"I was thinking Hayato for a boy or Hana for a girl."

No response.

"Winter's coming up. There's lots for me to do before the cold weather arrives."

A dull hum came from her, a sign that she did hear him. And hearing that hum only aggravated him. The lack of response was wearing him thin. "It's gonna be a boy this time." She said, running a hand through her hair before placing it back on her bump. "I like Hayato for a boy."

This time, Gintoki decided to be silent. It was partially because she refused to speak to him most of the time, and he felt spiteful. He continued on with his chore of preserving food. He sighed as he put the remainder of the meat into the jar, cramming it in so far that there would be no room for air to touch it before sealing the lid entirely. "Hayato, it is then." He crawled into their bed after putting Yua to sleep.

During that night, the sound of ringing in Gintoki's ear stirred him awake from a slumber so deep he wasn't sure what time it was. Noticing it was still dark, he rolled over on his side to see the shape of a sleeping Tsukuyo who nuzzled closer into his chest after he flipped over. It didn't register to him at first, the weeping Tsukuyo was doing, but when it did, Gintoki pulled her closer to him, wrapping his arms around her waist. "What's wrong?"

She said nothing in return, only finding it harder to choke back tears whenever he asked what was wrong.

Gintoki didn't get it. He didn't understand why she couldn't simply tell him what was wrong. He thought they were past the point where they couldn't rely on each other, especially after the death of their first child all those years ago. "You need to tell me what's wrong." Spoken gravely, Gintoki didn’t intend for the words hurt her, but the irritation that was her inability to communicate her problems to him was a thorn in his side that he hasn't gotten rid of yet. "Please rely on me. I'm only here to help and love you."

Tsukuyo shook her head, almost not daring to mention what was on her mind. 

Gintoki, completely exasperated, sighed and continued to hold her in his arms. He only wanted to help her, but he didn't know how since she wouldn't speak of what was troubling her. He did his best by giving her the comfort she so desperately seemed to crave. He opened his mouth to speak but couldn't find more words to say. Closing his mouth, his mind wandered to the possible explanations to Tsukuyo's most recent gloomy behavior. He couldn't pinpoint the reason, but how he wanted to. He just wanted to make her feel better in any way that he could, but without knowing the reason, it was impossible to help. Before long, he drifted back to sleep, too tired to care about what was going on.

* * *

It had only been a few weeks since burying their stillborn, and Tsukuyo was still torn inside because of it. The insurmountable depression hit her early on before their stillborn was even born, and she had known fully well that she had been carrying a dead child within her. She couldn't talk to Gintoki about it. It only broke her heart even remotely considering the idea of telling him. She couldn't do that to him, not when things had been going so well between them. She knew he'd find out eventually, but she couldn't bring herself to tell him, even though it was just prolonging the inevitable hurt he would feel.

Ever since then, there were only skeleton conversations happening between them. Tsukuyo couldn't bring herself to speak to him, knowing how she betrayed him in a way. 

And it hurt. It hurt in more ways than just one. All she wanted was to make him happy, and she knew that no matter what route she went, he would only end up miserable. Their one-year-old kept her mind busy, and she kept thinking of all the ways she could prevent her child from seeing how her parents wouldn't even speak to each other, but no matter what she thought of, it meant talking to Gintoki was inevitable. And that wasn't something she wanted to consider. She read his body language, and it only told her that he didn't want to even be in the same room as her, as though he was shunning her for not telling him why she was crying in the middle of the night for weeks. She watched him sit by the fire, rubbing the back of his neck without a single moment of looking back at her and their child. He hadn't made eye contact in weeks, avoiding her eyes at all costs, it seemed. She wouldn't lie and say she didn't long for his touch, but he wouldn't even come near her, going as far as sleeping on the floor on the other side of the room. She knew she betrayed him in a way, but she did wish he realized that it was out of love and concern for him rather than just simply keeping it secret selfishly.

Tsukuyo and Gintoki only spoke when it was necessary. There were no more loving conversations between them. And Tsukuyo missed those conversations. She missed how Gintoki told her he loved her and how he said it every time he left the house and before he went to sleep. But now, those wispy words no longer danced off his tongue, and their relationship was now a shell of its former self.

As a few weeks passed, Tsukuyo was still confined to bed, relying on Gintoki more than she wanted to. His body's stiffness and his tendency to gaze anywhere else when speaking to her only told her her inability to complete tasks wore on him. He no longer performed the household tasks because he wanted to help but because he must. She questioned why he didn't just leave and run away from the responsibility that he no longer wanted to bear, but she didn't ask. The idea of telling him to go when she needed him most wasn't an option to her.

On a day not entirely out of the ordinary, a sensation of wetness crept out between Tsukuyo's legs. She reached downward, not sitting up to check, and her fingers became slick. Pulling her hand back up, her eyes only grew to saucer size whenever she saw the bright red blood that dripped off her fingers. "Gintoki…" she said, trying hard to remain calm, but her plea fell on deaf ears, him blatantly ignoring when he was called.

Sitting up, she felt what she thought was all of her blood rushed out of her, and instantly, her fingers became icicles with the cold sensation spreading through her body. Her heart now raced, picking up speed as the blood continued to rush out, leaving a pool between her legs and drenching the blanket that surrounded her. "Gintoki, help!" She exclaimed, her voice becoming faded as she spoke.

After Gintoki turned around to face her, the color of his went ghostly white when he saw the pool of blood surrounding her legs and her falling back down on the bed with a loud thud. He rushed over, ripping off the blanket drenched in blood, and attempted to stop the bleeding.

Tsukuyo could only reach up and touch his face, the ice-cold touch startling him as he turned around and touched her face, cradling it in his hand, pulling himself closer to her with tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry, Gintoki." Her voice faded when she said his name. "I'm so sorry."

And that was all she could say as her consciousness faded away along with her pulse.

* * *

The hunt for the next shrine to visit stalled as the cold weather halted all life in the country. Gintoki knew that Yua and himself needed to take cover before the inevitable snowfall in the coming months. Coming upon a coastal village that would serve as their entry port to the Hokkaido island, Gintoki decided for both of them that this town would have todo for shelter for the coming months.

Entering the village, Gintoki located a villager and asked him if they could room there for the next few months. He offered some gold coins he collected over the years to compensate the family, who quickly accepted when the gold coins were pulled out of the coin pouch he had owned for centuries. Directing them into their home, the mother and father of the house greeted them warmly, opening up their spare room for them to sleep in. The teenage son, however, seemed to be staring in a direction that Gintoki didn't quite appreciate but said nothing about. A sixteen-year-old Yua didn't seem to mind, almost blushing at the stare the boy was giving her.

As time passed, the two teenagers became inseparable, sneaking kisses and affection whenever they thought no one was looking. However, Gintoki knew. He neglected to say anything, thinking of his neglect of saying something like a type of apology for not giving her a stable home growing up. Yua knew very well the reason why they never stayed long in any village. His search for the elixir was a burden only he could carry, so staying in any town for too long wasn't something he could do. The immortality didn't help his case, and Yua knew that. She didn't seem to mind traveling around the country in search of the elixir. She was told the entire story minus the part with Hijikata; Gintoki omitted it from his life story, trying to lead Yua to believe it was for her mother rather than for both of them. Still, Gintoki was quite torn on who would receive it whenever he found it, but he decided to leave that decision for when he found it, if he would even find it at all. The looming possibility that the elixir was entirely gone still lingered in the back of his mind. But in an attempt to stay positive that he would find it, he pushed that thought into the back of his mind, burying it deeply under the unforgettable memories he had received since then.

As the days grew longer and the sun hid behind the clouds, Gintoki knew it would be time to move on shortly. He couldn't stay in the village with his mission at hand. However, Yua had a different plan in store for herself. When Gintoki announced to her that they would be leaving within the next few days, Yua breezed over the idea of staying there, freezing Gintoki with the hard decision to either let her stay or demand her to go with him. It was not a decision he would make lightly, but he knew that the right choice was to let her stay , which gave her the chance to have a family that he failed to provide her with the death of Tsukuyo still fresh in his mind even though it happened almost twenty years ago. The mother and father insisted on Gintoki staying, but he knew he couldn't, not wanting to risk his mission to share his immortality with those he loved. He politely declined, stating that staying in one place was not something he could do.

Packing up his things on the day he left, Gintoki looked over at Yua, who had tears in her eyes. He knew she didn't want him to go, but she very well knew the reason why he couldn't stay. She ran over and hugged him tightly, almost strangling him in her tight grip before releasing him. "I love you, Yua," he said with a slight tinge of regret lingering in his voice. Gintoki only regretted that he couldn't stay with her and see her have a family of her own, but with the way he was and the things at hand, he knew that it was downright impossible for him to stay and see that with his own eyes. He thought that perhaps in the future, he would be able to actually see his children again, albeit it was unlikely he would be blessed with that chance.

With regret buried deep into his bones, Gintoki went on his way to the boat he arranged to take him to the Hokkaido island. With the clouds in the sky, it was only partially worrying to Ginoki that a storm might come, but with little rainfall just yet, it didn't consume him entirely if he would end up lost in the middle of the Tsugaru Strait. With the inability to swim, it terrified him, but it was a fear he would have to get over if he wanted to continue his search for the elixir.

With mild waters, the boat ride wasn't too rocky. Maybe a slight upheaval from the waves here and there. But with land in sight, a sigh of relief escaped Gintoki. His hands shook the entire boat ride there, which only took a few hours, but that didn't stop the shaking in his hands. Upon placing his feet on the pier, he just wanted to sink downward and kiss the ground, thanking the gods for giving him such a safe passage.

But instead of kissing the ground, Gintoki made way for the next village to find the next shrine to visit. With entering the town and seeing the bustling city of people who were out and about and socializing, he stepped in front of a group of people, asking politely where the local shrine was. The man with a bald head pointed him in the direction of that shrine. And with a quick thank you, Gintoki headed in the direction of that shrine.

Within stepping onto the shrine grounds, Gintoki surveyed his surroundings, taking in the beautiful landscape of the green leafy trees right at the base of the mountain. Brown arches lined the path to the main hall as Gintoki passed underneath them, walking up the steps to his destination. Words that were painted in black graced the white banners that hung from the arches as he arrived at the main hall. Walking up to the offering chest, he bowed and placed his hands together, praying for some type of miracle that he would have some luck this time with getting some form of a clue as to where the elixir was. Right as he exhaled a deep breath, the shrine priestess greeted him, "Hello, Gintoki."

For a moment, Gintoki stalled. His brows furrowed as he tried to piece together why she would know his name already. Without missing a beat, he looked at her dead in the eyes and said, "How do you know my name?"

The shrine priestess only snorted a giggle at his lack of knowledge. "The word's been spreading that an immortal man has been visiting shrines for centuries in search of the golden substance that granted him eternal life."

"Do you know where I can find it?"

"All I can tell you is that the river you're looking for is in a cave." She looked at him with a certain gentleness that he hadn't been given in several centuries. "I do not know where it is located."

An exasperated sigh escaped Gintoki, and he thanked her for her time and walked away, flicking a silver coin into the chest as a thank you once again. With this newfound information, he knew that it would be slightly easier to pinpoint the location of the elixir, but the vast amount of caves that were in the country, he didn't know where to start.

All hope was not lost now that he knew that the elixir was in a cave, and with newfound energy to continue his journey, Gintoki traveled northward further into the island's landscape in hopes of coming across the next shrine. And with a few days' travels, he wound up in another village, whose villagers pointed him in the direction of their local shrine, an easily found shrine with a nicely painted wooden sign pointing him in the right direction. He felt slightly foolish after asking for guidance to the shrine considering the flamboyant sign that indicated the path, but with the lack of care that was needed to pay attention to his surroundings, he decided it would be easier if he did start paying attention to the signs that surrounded each village, pointing him in the right direction to anywhere he wanted to go.

Hiking up the trail to the next shrine was more of a task than any of his previous treks. Even with being in the great shape that he was, it was damn near impossible to trek up the almost vertical mountain trail, each step pushing force into his legs that felt like his shins were twigs about to snap under the pressure. Nonetheless, he persevered through his trek. The crunchy leaves from the fall never were swept away from the trail, not that he minded. He was used to leaves crunching under his feet. He found the sound relaxing in a way, hauntingly beautiful as memories of the past flooded his mind.

And when those memories flooded his mind, Gintoki could only think of Tsukuyo's last death. A bitter pain struck his heart as regret filled him. Gintoki knew he shouldn't have stopped talking to her, but nevertheless, he did, and the only thing he could do was watch the light leave her eyes as he whispered words she hadn't heard in weeks. And with that thought, her last death reminded him of Hijikata's death centuries ago, where he uttered those angry words that he never meant to say before Hijikata rushed off to his death, being swept away by the typhoon that landed critically right where he was. Any time he saw pouring rain from that time onward, it only reminded him of those bitter words he wanted to take back. Gintoki had done so many things he wished he could take back, but he knew that time's arrow shot forward, only in one direction and mercilessly never looking back to see where it came from.

Trying to push his regrets into the back of his mind, Gintoki only marched forward, finally making it to his destination with the knowledge that he might get some information on the elixir once again. With his knowledge combined with what this shrine priestess could give him, it was only a matter of time before he would be able to narrow down his choices of where he had to look.

The shrine looked like it was in disrepair. Several shingles on the roof needed replacing, and the paint on the shrine's exterior was scratched up almost beyond recognition that there was paint on the wood in the first place. Wondering if he would find a priestess in a shrine like this, Gintoki pushed his luck, yelling, "Hello" for anyone to hear. Without missing a beat, the shrine priestess stuck her head out from around the corner, speaking a greeting to him and mentioning that she didn't get a lot of visitors at this shrine, which Gintoki concluded that was the reason why it was in such disrepair. He figured that she probably spent most of the money she received on food for herself.

"Please tell me you can know where the cave is located. You know, the one with the elixir."

A soft smile graced her lips. "It's on the Honshu island."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thanks for picking this up if you just did or if you're still reading!
> 
> As for an update, I'm working on the last chapter of CBCB, and it should be finished soon.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	11. Summer 1755

When Gintoki looked in the direction of the petals, the only thing that captivated his gaze were ocean blue eyes that charmed him in every sense of the word. Their meeting of chance was by no means ill-timed, even with the sounds of shamisen, wadaiko, and cheerful people chattering about the local enshrined gods' blessing of fortune for them all. His loving eyes relaxed as they stood there in the way of everyone. "I've found you again." Soft words that were said so delicately that Gintoki could hardly believe they left his lips. He wasn't even sure if he really said those words…

...Until a sweet, but succinct, "I know" left Hijikata's own.

With little regard for those around them, they made haste to be in each other's arms, a feeling that Gintoki missed so profoundly. And when they kissed, the world stopped turning, frozen in time, and seemingly everyone else around them stopped in their tracks. They didn't particularly care about the bystanders' staring and only revelled in the fact they had found each other once again.

Upon letting go, Gintoki took hold of Hijikata's hand and leaned in, whispering words of love and desire, the desires and passion of only one foolish man. He led Hijikata in a direction away from the gabbling crowds of the festival and into a more secluded area where they would spend the rest of the night.

In seclusion, they spoke of many things, but Gintoki did most of the talking. His words never slowed, and he spoke of every fleeting thought he had. But when he spoke of how he finally had information on the elixir, Hijikata stopped him before he could move on. "Where is it?" He asked, begging almost, "Where's the elixir?"

Gintoki looked away from him and said in a low, dejected voice, "I haven't found it yet. It's so close yet so far away. I can almost taste it." The earthy but saccharine taste danced on his tongue, and oh, how he wanted Hijikata to taste it himself. It was almost as sweet as Hijikata's lips, a taste indelible in Gintoki's mind. He longed for the taste of Hijikata's lips, even with the lingering regret of Tsukuyo's previous death still somewhat fresh in his mind. He wasn't sure if she would forgive him for renouncing her until her untimely death, but he figured that was a worry for another time. Then again, he could only hope that his unheard apology would be accepted.

"Gintoki, you'll find it." With a hopeful look in his eyes, Hijikata placed a hand on Gintoki's cheek. "Don't give up now," he said, leaning in, whispering those words, brushing his lips against Gintoki's.

His kiss was welcomed by Gintoki. He only deepened the kiss, rolling on top of Hijikata. The kiss hit a fever pitch, and Gintoki found himself touching Hijikata erotically with precise hand positions, one in his hair and the other on a much naughtier spot. When Gintoki broke off, he heard a moan escape Hijikata's lips, a sensual, desperate moan craving more than what he was being given. It was then Gintoki asked, more like he pleaded, "Please… Come home with me."

And without hesitating, Hijikata agreed.

* * *

A long night of lovemaking well into the early morning hours left Gintoki and Hijikata desperate for sleep. But such a long-awaited reunion deemed the night necessary, essential for reconnection. Gintoki couldn't keep his hands off of Hijikata, a familiar touch that he had been desperate for from the moment he found out the elixir sincerely does exist and wasn't something that the onmyoji concocted herself. It wasn't that Gintoki doubted that the elixir existed, but the matter of how long it had been since he drank it. Well over seven hundred years passed since that day, and Gintoki couldn't honestly tell if it moved at a crawl or at lightspeed. Perhaps it was both; it was one speed with those he loved and the other when he was terribly lonely, sulking through most days, always wondering when he would see them again.

With the birds chirping, Gintoki's eyes fluttered open as the rays of the sun shined through his bedroom windows. He was far too tired to really care about anything during that moment, but when there was rustling next to him, he remembered that he finally found Hijikata again and got to tell him the good news. It wasn't an exuberant display like he initially wanted, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized that Hijikata wouldn't have been appreciative of such a show. He flipped over to his side, taking in the view of Hijikata sleeping soundly beside him, and all he could think was about how lucky he was to have someone, Tsukuyo included in this equation. Years of loneliness preluded his introduction to Hijikata, well over one hundred and fifty years before. And after meeting Hijikata for the first time, his life was never the same. Sometimes, he questioned if it was worth the heartache to continually get involved with Hijikata time and time again, but Gintoki couldn't stay away. He tried! He tried so hard to stay away the first time Hijikata reincarnated. Still, their electric relationship made Gintoki weak in the knees, keeping him unable to think logically, regardless of how much he hated the heartbreak at the very end of it all. And with the possibility that he may never reincarnate again, it made finding the elixir all that more important.

Gintoki questioned internally whether or not he should wake Hijikata up, but he knew that they had just gone to bed mere hours earlier, not early enough for a full night's rest. Still, he lay there and placed a hand gently on Hijikata's cheek, feeling the grooves of his frown lines that he didn't know Hijikata had developed in such a short time. Perhaps it was the worry that he wouldn't run into Gintoki this life. Fate merely toyed Gintoki with its apparent lack of care for Gintoki's own mental health. He wondered how long fate would toy with him, playing games to keep him on his toes with Tsukuyo and Hijikata being ripped from him like paper dolls that tore with ease. Deciding that he would prefer to let Hijikata sleep, his eyes slowly shut, listening quietly to Hijikata's deep, even breaths.

Hijikata rustling around again woke Gintoki back up, and he found there was no sense in trying to get back to sleep like he wanted. He squinted his eyes in Hijikata's direction, trying so hard to be mad, but he found it damn near impossible to remain angry, only for the fact that he just found him again. He didn't want to ruin the mood they've been in because, of course, in due time, they would end up fighting like cats and dogs. It was normal for them to fight, both Hijikata and Gintoki's aggression getting the better of them, although sometimes, just sometimes, he loved seeing Hijikata all riled up. Just seeing him irritated tickled a fancy that Gintoki wanted to quench every once in a while.

As the birds chirped, Gintoki figured it was time to finally get out of bed. As he sat up with care to avoid disturbing Hijikata’s slumber, Gintoki stretched his arms, yawning and wiping the sleep out of his eyes. After dropping his arms, he sat there for a moment, taking in his surroundings. Looking over at Hijikata, he could only smile. Years spent wallowing in his own self-loathing was over for the time being. It wouldn't be too long before he would be alone again, so he wanted to make the best of it the best he could. Gintoki swung his legs off of the bed and removed the blanket. His arms were resting behind him when he felt a hand snake around his wrist. "Where ya going, permhead?" Hijikata yawned, clearly still half-asleep.

"I'm not going anywhere yet."

"Better not be."

"What would you do if I left?"

"Chase after you, stupid."

With a small smile on his face, Gintoki felt Hijikata leave go of his wrist, freeing him up to start his morning routine. He stepped over to the fire pit and started a fire with what firewood he had left. The small flame slowly expanded over the fire pit, igniting the logs and becoming much larger, large enough to cook food.

Once he smelled the smoke, Hijikata rubbed his eyes and woke up slightly. "What're you gonna make?"

Gintoki looked over and smiled at him. "Your favorite."

* * *

Gintoki wouldn't lie and say it was his first time on a boat. It clearly wasn't, but the apparent nervousness he showed when just touching a toe in the boat made Hijikata look at Gintoki with a confused but concerned look. "You had to have gotten here by boat. Why are you so damn nervous?"

Gintoki turned around with fire in his eyes. "I still can't swim, asshole! Have you forgotten that?"

Hijikata let out a  _ tch _ , noting his irritation, which Gintoki found it hard to tell if that was toward him or himself. Nonetheless, he continued his way to hobble into the boat, taking his time to make sure he didn't fall into what looked like waist-deep water, but he wasn't one hundred percent sure whether it was truly that deep. He took the extra precaution just to be on the safe side. The waves were calm this day as the sun was shining and birds were chirping their song along with the cicadas that were out for the summer. But if Gintoki was honest, he would admit that he hated boat rides. Every boat ride for him had been a terrible experience, not for his inability to swim, but for the fact he got seasick every time he left one island for another. The rocking waves made it terribly hard to get through a few hours on a boat, mainly because he was emptying what he had left in his stomach if he had anything at all that day. As Hijikata stepped into the boat, he could only hear Gintoki trying to give himself a pep talk that it would be the final time he would be in a boat. "Are you gonna be okay?"

"I have to do this regardless if you're here with me or not? You want me to find the elixir, don't you?"

"I thought this was a joint venture at this point, considering earlier you asked me if I wanted to come with you, and I accepted."

Gintoki huffed, lips quivering from his nerves. "Well, you didn't have to come with me!"

"I wanted to, so shut your mouth."

With a roll of his eyes, Gintoki stopped talking, following the command of his lover, even though he didn't quite want to follow such a command. He knew that the seasickness would do all of the talking once they've been out there floating for hours. And even though Hijikata spat words at him, he still took the time to place his hand on top of Gintoki's. His warm hand warmed Gintoki's cold fingers.

After a while, the boat's rocking took its toll on Gintoki, and he spent most of his time with his head bent over the side of the boat, emptying the meal he shared with Hijikata earlier in the day. Gintoki wonders from the way Hijikata shifted away from him whether his barbaric heaving noises might have made Hijikata feel sick, but the discomfort in his stomach made him more concerned about whether or not he was going to survive the ride again. "I-" he heaved more, "I told you this would happen."

"No, you didn't!" Hijikata shrieked, obviously grossed out by his lover's incessant vomiting. "You definitely  _ did not _ say you were going to vomit the entire ride back to Honshu!"

"Oh, I neglected to mention it? I wonder why." Gintoki rubbed his chin. "Oh yeah, you told me to shut my mouth, so I did! I was gonna give you a fair warning this would happen, but no, you just wanted me to shut up."

With another  _ tch _ , Hijikata closed his own mouth, trying to blatantly ignore the gagging that happened only two feet away from him. But Gintoki could only smile. After all these years, he finally won an argument with Hijikata. Although, there may have been more arguments he’d won but couldn’t remember at the moment, but what mattered the most to him was that he had won this time around. "Aw, Hijikata, did a cat catch your tongue?" Gintoki taunted.

"No, I'm just trying to ignore it the best I can and save our relationship before I throw you overboard to either sink or swim yourself!"

With a chuckle, Gintoki said nothing in response, figuring that it was the least he could do for the both of them.

* * *

Passing through the various villages always made Gintoki somewhat homesick, even though he didn’t particularly have a home, to begin with. He missed the time before he had to hop from town to town; it was so long ago, he had all but forgotten at that point. Only a sliver of a memory of his hometown remained. Still, with such a small fragment, he wondered whether he would have to keep moving from town to town until the end of time or just until he found the elixir and gave it to Hijikata. It wouldn't have surprised Gintoki if he has seen all of Japan by now. It was likely he had, but in search of something he knew only in name only, there was no other choice but to search all of Japan to find  _ any _ hint of the elixir if there was any at all. Thankfully, there was a hint, just a pygmy-sized clue, to lead him in the right direction of what he had been searching for the last three hundred and ninety years. Still, with as many known caves, the possibility it could take him much longer than necessary, but regardless, he planned to do whatever it took to get the elixir. The looming chance of time running out was a real danger to Gintoki, almost as real as getting exposed as an immortal man.

The snow crunched underneath their feet as they searched for some type of shelter. Gintoki knew he could withstand the cold, no problem, but he knew Hijikata could freeze to death; taking refuge was their top priority. With the town they were in, too many issues regarding shelter shouldn't arise as the town was rather populated for being out in the middle of nowhere. He reckoned they wouldn't have a problem with finding shelter for the time being.

With each step, the snow crunched with falling snowflakes taking root in their hair, Hijikata's more noticeable than Gintoki. They passed traditional houses left and right, but the one on the right seemed like a good place to ask for shelter. With traditional brown shingling peeking out from the coated snow and a front sliding door, Gintoki took two steps in front of it and held firm in his place as he rapped at the door.

Almost instantly, a man appeared at the door, asking who they were and what they wanted. He stood at least six feet tall with a beautifully decorated koi fish tattoo right above the lining of his kimono. He stared them down, almost giving Gintoki a scare as though he was out to kill. With his deep burgundy eyes, Gintoki showed no fear. "Could we stay for the winter and be out of your hair by spring?"

The man squinted his eyes, staring holes in both Gintoki and Hijikata. However, neither were scared of him, even though that tattoo seemed to linger in the back of Gintoki's mind, knowing the real meaning of such an intricate piece of work. There was a long pause. Although the man’s stare remained unchanged, he eventually granted them entry. After they entered and took off their shoes, they followed the man who introduced himself as Koji. The hall they walked through were lined with samurai swords and kimonos from years past. There were so many of them surrounding the three men that Gintoki wondered what on Earth they had gotten themselves into. The tattoo plus the many gold-lined kimonos and expertly made katanas. Who exactly was this man?

The hair on Gintoki's neck stood up on end. His hands convulsed, so he reached over and took hold of Hijikata's hand, a familiar feeling that gave him a little bit of comfort. Koji stopped in front of a sliding paper door before sliding it open, revealing an extravagant dining hall with only two other people in it.

"Oi, Koji, who're they?" The man with gray hair and an eyepatch asked, pointing what was left of his index finger at Hijikata and Gintoki.

"You know we're in hiding, right? We're not supposed to invite people in!" A woman with a scar across her face screamed at Koji. The woman's scar's placement was reminiscent of Tsukuyo's. However, the woman's mannerisms paled in comparison to Tsukuyo. She was light-hearted and cheerful, even when jostling her roommates, family members, friends, whoever these people were to him. "Oh, where are my manners? I'm Asuna." She waved at Gintoki and Hijikata, offering her welcome to them to sit down with them as they were eating, celebrating of some sort. Gintoki wasn't sure what they were celebrating, but he didn't quite know if he wanted to have that knowledge. It could only be bad news with the way that their tattoos were all matching each other.

Looking around the room, Gintoki could only feel his nerves spike. There were so many decorations in the room, ranging from more katanas to kimonos that seemed familiar that Gintoki couldn't quite place a finger on. The other man with the nub of a finger introduced himself as Hayato, which Gintoki found quite frightening. It only reminded him of his son that died without even being born yet, and he wondered if this was him reincarnated. He would never know for sure, but the fact the man was a criminal only disappointed Gintoki in what his son could have possibly become. But the fact remained that it might just be a mere coincidence that the man shared the name of his son, but he digressed otherwise.

The three talked and jeered while Gintoki and Hijikata remained mostly silent, almost too nervous to really insert any type of conversation that they could possibly ask. But before long, Asuna looked at Gintoki and Hijikata, food in her mouth and a fork pointing at them with it between her fingers, and asked, "Where are you fellows from?"

Gintoki hesitated and wondered if it would be beneficial to tell the truth or just lie to them and say they're traveling for personal reasons, which wasn’t much of a lie but still tainted with untrue statements. Gintoki knew he would refrain from revealing his immortality, which he would only reveal to those who already knew, those people being Hijikata and Tsukuyo. The shrine maidens knew but seemed to keep their mouths shut about the whole thing. "We're traveling ronin right now," Gintoki said. A lie that would keep the roof over their heads and a lie that would prevent anything nasty happening to himself. He figured that lying to these people would cost him his head once they found out, but he didn't want to risk getting taken for experimentation or interrogation on how he became immortal in the first place.

"Ah," Asuna said nonchalantly. She hadn't asked any other questions about it, keeping her mouth shut as far as Gintoki was aware. "Been in any trouble lately?"

"No."

"Well, don't cause trouble for us. We're already on thin ice living here." A threat was a threat when Gintoki could pinpoint one. The possibility of death while living here was real and as alive as any of them. "We really don't want to kill you guys and put our hiding spot in danger."

Gintoki peered over to Hijikata, who sat still with his hand creeping over toward Gintoki's. With such a stone face, it was hard for him to tell whether Hijikata was just nervous or if he sensed that something terrible was going to happen. With their track record, something bad  _ was _ going to happen, but Gintoki didn't know what. And with that thought, the genuine possibility of Hijikata dying again arose without question. Gintoki leaned over and whispered to him, "Relax. We only have a few weeks here." He tried his best to comfort his partner, but there wasn't much that he could really do with a room full of criminals that he knew would kill them on the spot if they even so much as breathe the wrong way.

The man with an eyepatch sighed. "Listen, fellas, if you don't want to be here, you can leave."

Gintoki shook his head. "Oh, no, we're fine. Right, Hijikata?" he said in such a way that urged Hijikata to agree.

"Yeah, we're fine, but if you wouldn't mind, we'd like to retire to our room."

"If you go down the hall to the left, there's an empty room there," Koji said before returning to the conversation his friends were in.

Without hesitation, Gintoki and Hijikata picked up their things and made their way to the room that Koji mentioned. After they closed the door, Hijikata huffed at Gintoki. "I knew you had shit luck, but what kind of shit did you get us into?"

Gintoki took his seat on the floor before Hijikata pulled out one of the futons in the closet. "Listen, this isn't ideal, but we need shelter for the winter. You wanna walk out in the cold with no cover from the snow?"

"You could've picked any other house, but you picked this one, and you still say you don't have shit luck?" Hijikata finished laying out the futon, laying on it, and throwing what blanket they had over them.

Gintoki grunted before also crawling into the futon and wrapping an arm around Hijikata. "I won't lie to you and tell you my luck is the greatest. You already know full well that my luck is shit." Gintoki nuzzled his head into the back of Hijikata's neck. "Stay alive. I love you."

* * *

With footsteps in the hallway, Gintoki stirred awake. The room was still lit with the candle they were using burned down to the end already. With drowsiness hitting him and also the urge to use the outhouse, he picked himself up and walked to the door, sliding it open to expose the dark and desolate hallway to him. Gintoki stumbled out the door and felt down the hall to outside the building where the outhouse was.

At least, when he made it outside, the moon gave some light to guide him to the only building on the outskirts of the home. And when Gintoki made his way there, he entered the small building, relieving himself from what he had left in him.

He was in there for a little bit until he felt an unusual heat that he didn't quite expect for the time of year. It was in the middle of winter! There was no reason for him to be feeling warm outside. But his sleep-riddled brain didn't put two and two together until he stepped out from the house and saw the home aflame. His wide eyes did nothing but stare straight ahead of him, dazed from seeing such flames until he sunk to his knees because he knew that Hijikata was in there. With the way the floor plan was laid out, there were no exits for him to escape from, especially if Gintoki might have knocked over that candle. Just the thought that might have happened only struck Gintoki right in the heart, only causing such a pain that he thought his heart was being literally ripped into two.

And he couldn't help but feel this time it was his fault that Hijikata got trapped. They could've stayed elsewhere; they didn't have to stay at this place, but they did as Gintoki so chose. "Hijikata… I'm sorry," he muttered until gasps of air from crying.

Gintoki, thinking there was nowhere left to go, walked away from the building, knowing that he possibly killed four people haunting him over his shoulders.

Gintoki stumbled around for several hours before stumbling in front of a house that seemed familiar, but he couldn't quite place a finger on it. Thinking it was best to knock and ask for a place to stay, he knocked, waking up whoever lived in there. Footsteps could be heard within the building, and eventually, the door swung open and revealed a scantily-clad Tsukuyo. Gintoki could only sigh, exasperated with the outcome of the night. "I… I'm sorry."

"I didn't think you'd find me here," she said, snorting her words at him, still bitter about what he had done in her last life. "You should go."

"I told you I'm sorry. If I knew what was going to happen, I wouldn't have done that to you," Gintoki said, trying so hard to please her. "Please, don't do this to me."

"I can't help you, Gintoki," she said, "I have business to attend to." She attempted to shut the door, but it was blocked by Gintoki's foot.

"Stop that. I don't know  _ what _ you're doing, but it's not nearly as important as what's happening right now." Angered, he spat his words at her. "Whoever's in your bed doesn't matter right now."

"I have to stay alive, somehow! Hinowa and Seita are relying on me right now, so just go!"

"Why can't you just accept my apology?! I'm trying so hard to reconnect with you right now, and you're pushing me away." He growled his words, his anger no longer being hidden within him. "I'm fucking  _ sorry _ that I did what I did. I just fucking want you right now."

Tsukuyo backed up slightly, seemingly frightened of him. "If you're so sorry, you can come in and tell my client to leave, and then you can pay me." She seethed, "I know you have the money to do so."

Gintoki gritted his teeth. "Fine," he grumbled before she opened the door a little wider. "I'll do what you ask of me if it means I'll have you again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been almost 2 months since I post, and I'm sorry for that. Life has been absolutely crazy with things that are going on, so I haven't had much of a chance to really do anything beyond vegetate in bed because I've been exhausted from work all the time now. This, however, is completed, and the rest of the chapters will be coming shortly. After this is completely posted, I'll be taking a break from posting as keeping on the schedule has been slightly draining, even if it's once a month. Just got a lot going on lately, and I've been stuck in a rut for a while now. I'm hoping to pick back up now that life has returned to semi-normal now.


	12. Spring 1855

There were the flowers. Those little petals Gintoki always became enthralled to see, whether it was the man or the woman who was surrounded by them. Regardless of who it would be, he or she would be a site for Gintoki's sore eyes and how wonderful it would be when he could finally hold whoever it was.

When he saw these particular petals, Gintoki reached out like he always did, taking one between his fingers and feeling over the veins so carefully woven beneath the surface. Gintoki couldn't say he could tell who it would be by the petals alone, but nevertheless, he knew it could only be one of two people.

The surrounding cherry blossoms trees held on to their leaves, not even one floating down to the ground. And that's how Gintoki knew those petals were truly the petals of his soulmate, urging him to find whoever it was.

And he wanted to.

All he wanted was to embrace, feel, touch the skin of the other person.

If confronted on who he loved more, he would save face and say he loves both equally, but that was neither true nor accurate, as Hijikata held his beating heart in his hands much longer and had the ability to bend him at will. Gintoki couldn't say that he felt the same exact way about Tsukuyo, though he still cared about her deeply. She, of course, was the mother of his children, a place in his heart that Hijikata could never fill. Fate has its funny ways of bringing those two to Gintoki. He had made his mistakes with both of them but had never regretted either of them coming into his life, regardless of the twists, turns, and wrong ways he had made on the road to either of them.

He left go of the petal and scoured the surrounding area for a sight more heavenly than heaven itself, to which he was denied access when he drank the elixir eight hundred and thirty-five years ago. Eight hundred and thirty-five summers. Eight hundred and thirty-five winters. Eight hundred and thirty-five rotations around the sun. Life had been hard and long. And he could only hope that the finish line was close.

When his eyes landed on his source of joy, Gintoki kneeled in front of a bush several meters away from the two figures who sat on the back porch of a traditional style home. He studied them with eyes full of jealousy from the sweet smiles the teenage boy, who was surrounded by petals, was giving the girl. Did he not know about the petals? Fate was fate! Nothing can change it whether the teenager wanted it to or not. Hijikata would end up with Gintoki in the long run, regardless of these fleeting feelings he now had for this girl, who looked so familiar Gintoki couldn't quite place a finger on it.

His face steamed with the little green monster on his shoulder egging him on, unable to look away from the train wreck happening before his eyes.

And for just the briefest of moments, Gintoki was spotted. Not by the girl but by the soul of the teenage boy, which smiled and said I know. It eased some of the heartache of seeing them together. Just that one look from one old soul to another, reassurance enveloped his heart, reminding him that Hijikata's heart was still his to keep. The girl must be a reminder from one of his previous lives that Gintoki had not known about. Surely those were some lives that Gintoki hadn't happened across over the almost last millenia. He couldn't fault Hijikata for those feelings because he had done the same with Tsukuyo years back, but nevertheless, his heart belonged to Hijikata, first and foremost. He gave his heart to Hijikata, and Hijikata took it with great care.

With nothing left to do in this area, Gintoki departed for the large city of Edo, a place he had yet to explore. He could only hope that Hijikata would be there too, but he had no doubt in his mind that this would not be the last time he would see him in this incarnation.

* * *

In a plaza full of people from all walks of life, Gintoki's eyes widened when they landed on a girl he never thought he would see again. The first time he saw this girl was eight hundred and forty-three years ago. The day his foolish young soul thought the elixir would win him the fair maiden's hand in marriage. The good luck fortune she read still rang true, even if it wasn't for the fair maiden of his home village.

But this time, meeting the onmyoji, his soul had grown old and wise in a body of everlasting youth. He stared at her with his mouth agape, and eventually, she did see him, her mouth mimicking his once he caught her eye. Her ghastly face, drained of all color, contorted, her body frozen in place as he moved closer to her. He had no intentions to hurt her, only question her, delving deeper into her consciousness to extract the information he needed. She had to remember. But there was no guarantee that she would. He had to take this chance because this chance may never come again.

When he came face-to-face with her, she backed away from him, almost like she was about to run. But before she turned around, he gave her a soft look and thanked her. A pleasant surprise, even to Gintoki. He thought for certain that he would reprimand her for the trick she pulled on her, uttering in his ear all those years ago that the elixir would bring him luck to get the fair maiden. He came to her for the maiden but wound up with something much more satisfying than a woman who was not meant for him. Hijikata, he cherished him more than he ever did the maiden. The red thread of fate that transcended time and space, woven around their pinkies, was only shown through the petals that surrounded them when they met. The petals that only disappeared if they were together.

For a moment, she stalled, clearly not expecting the thanks he gave her. She did trick him initially; that was for certain. The surprised look on her face showed Gintoki that she was not expecting his thanks but a reprimand. She froze even more in response. But after a brief awkward moment of silence, she smiled. "I'm glad you found him."

"How did you know about him anyway?"

"I saw your meeting in your eyes. It was meant to be. I wanted to play my part for you to meet him."

Gintoki pursed his lips when it came time for the topic that had been on his mind since the very beginning of his journey. "It's hard, y'know? He's still… mortal."

"He's come back time and time again, hasn't he?"

"Yeah, but I can't find the elixir. I haven't finished looking everywhere, but I'm running out of places to look," Gintoki said, "Please tell me you remember where you got it."

The girl pursed her lips when confronted. "I'm sorry, Gintoki. I don't remember where it is. It's been so long ago, y'know?"

"Yeah, eight hundred and forty-three years ago."

"So you've kept track."

"It's been almost a millenia. When he's not around, I search. Sometimes, I can convince him to come with me, but not all the time. I only have so much time. You must have some idea where it could be." Gintoki wasn't above begging for a clue. A clue would do wonders in his search for the elixir.

The girl placed a hand on his shoulder. "I have to go, but Gintoki, you'll find it. I promise you." She walked away as he stood there in disbelief that his only source for a clue had no idea where she found it.

With his eyes void of life, Gintoki continued on with his day, heading back to his apartment where his crone of a landlady waited for him to return to reproach him for the lack of payments to her. Although he cared for her, he spat some ugly expletives at her for her apathy toward his situation. He stood next to the railing on his front porch; he was able to see all the way down the street on both ends. But no matter the view, he couldn't help but let his mind linger on the final words spoken to him by the onmyoji, who he found quite cute.  _ You'll find it; I promise you. _ If she foretold his meeting with Hijikata, who's to say that he wouldn't find the elixir. The only thing left was to find it before time ran out. If time ran out, he would have to spend eternity alone until the heat death of the universe. And even then, he wondered if that would be enough to erase his existence.

Gintoki didn't stay long on his porch, the sweltering summer heat melting him into a puddle. August was always particularly a bad month when it came to temperature, and on top of the oppressive humidity, it made it even more insufferable. 

Before walking into his apartment, a small pink petal appeared before him right before a barrage of them rushed him and stuck to his sweat-soaked skin, at least the skin that was showing, and that didn't exclude his face. It wasn't a pleasant feeling, having all of those petals sticking to him, but he overlooked that at that moment, rather far more concerned about the source of the petals.

The voice from below only confirmed his reasoning that Hijikata was nearby, and his heart thudded in his chest, echoing in his ears, as he peered over the banister and looked upon the street below him to see Hijikata shrouded by many blooms. "Oi, Sougo, do you see all these cherry blossom blooms?"

"Hijikata-san, there's no trees around here, and the cherry blossom season is over," Sougo said deadpan. The monotonous voice he expelled was beyond what Gintoki could do on a regular basis.

Gintoki hesitated on whether he should show himself. The memory from when he first saw him ten years ago, however, stopped him entirely. He had his, so it was only fair that Hijikata could have his. Still, they were soulmates, and there was no way to circumvent that. But to interrupt their romance when Hijikata never did with Tsukuyo, he had no right to do so, so he went into his apartment, the flowers dissipating around him.

With the flowers gone from around him, Gintoki could only assume they disappeared from around Hijikata too. He sighed, realizing that there wasn't much else to do until the girl left Hijikata's life. He swore he wouldn't interfere. He swore he wouldn't.

* * *

Gintoki wouldn't say that avoiding Hijikata was hard. It wasn't. Even the slightest bit of a sign from the petals, he tried disappearing into alleyways, shops, whatever he could find.

And every time the petals disappeared, a guttural growl of "Damnit!" echoed through the streets. Hearing that only made Gintoki's heart thud in its cavity. Hijikata was looking for him.  _ He was looking for him. _ But every time, he shook his head, reminding himself that he wasn't getting involved. He took Hijikata away from her once; he wasn't going to do it again. She deserved happiness too, even if it wasn't meant to be.

Laying in his apartment with a book covering his face, Gintoki slept, not soundly but not quite poorly either. The latest addition to his team wasn't coming over today. Something to do with his sister, or so he was told. Not that Gintoki minded. He had spent so much time alone that one more day wouldn't kill him. Still, he wouldn't say that it was easy, especially knowing that Hijikata was around somewhere.

A knock at the door disturbed him, jolting him from his comfortable spot on the couch. He grumbled he was coming as he swung his legs over the side. Running a hand through his naturally disheveled hair, he picked himself up and walked over to the door, sliding it open to a swirl of petals surrounding him and the person on the other side.

Once a clearing came into view, the striking blue eyes that pierced Gintoki's soul stared back at him with intentions neither Gintoki nor Hijikata knew. A puff of smoke blew in Gintoki's direction that hadn't quite surprised him. A sigh expelled from Hijikata. "I've been looking for you."

"Oh?"

"Why are you hiding from me this time?"

Gintoki brushed his foot against the hardwood floor of the entrance landing. He couldn't bring himself to tell him to leave nor could he bring himself to say he saw them together long before they had come face-to-face in this life. Staying silent seemed to be his only option beyond the obvious of admitting that they shouldn't be together in this life, not that he wanted to say that. There was no reason they couldn't be, other than Gintoki's moral obligation to let the girl be happy for once in her lives.

"Oi, spit it out. I know there's a reason behind this," Hijikata's cigarette finished as he ashed the tip on the heel of his boot.

Gintoki leaned on the doorway. "What's there to say? Aren't you already married by now?"

He couldn't hold his spit in whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fair that both he and Hijikata fell for someone else. He should never have fallen for Tsukuyo. He thought perhaps this was his guilt for loving Tsukuyo bubbling up after years of saying it was okay because Hijikata claimed it to be. "You don't have to be here."

"Is that how you really feel? The last six hundred and ninety years meant nothing to you?"

Gintoki gritted his teeth before growling. "Of course, it means something to me. But she deserves happiness too." Hinting at his knowledge of the girl whose eyes sparkled around Hijikata, he couldn't help but wish for him to just go away, back to her.

"Yeah. I finally got to explain it to her that time you were spying on us," Hijikata said, lighting up another cigarette. "Seeing the flowers only reminded me. Her, too, once the story was explained."

Hearing that still didn't make Gintoki feel any better knowing they were all alive together at the same time again. "Still, she loves you. You sh-"

"Enough!" Hijikata said, crushing the cigarette in his hand and pressing forward into Gintoki's apartment. "We've made our peace. There's no hostile feelings between either of us about what fate was in store for us. Yes, she loved me, and I loved her, but us being together wasn't in the hand either of us were dealt. So, stop worrying about that.

They stood close together as Gintoki felt his heartbeat in his fingertips. He titled his head toward the floor, unable to face Hijikata as he fiddled with his fingers. Sighing, he looked at Hijikata with a soft but determined look, evident in his eyes, placing a hand on Hijikata's shoulder and then his face. "I don't deserve you… with Tsukuyo and all…" He closed his eyes as he felt soft lips on his own. He wondered what he had done in his life to deserve someone who understood his situation and still wanted him, and his understanding shined through as they kissed. Gintoki's fingers became ensnared with Hijikata's hair as Hijikata cupped the back of his neck with his hands. They broke apart just before things became a bit too heated.

"I don't mind. Just because I wasn't meant to be with her doesn't mean I should stop you from being with Tsukuyo. Do I wish you would choose? Yes, but I can't make you."

Gintoki gulped. He couldn't bring himself to choose. He loved both of them; it was damn near impossible to choose. He leaned down, his forehead touching Hijikata's shoulder. "I promise to decide when I find the elixir… whenever that will be," he sighed before continuing, "I found her, you know."

"Who?"

"The onmyoji. She's a Bakufu official now," he said, "She… she doesn't know where it is either. She's forgotten since then."

"Well, it has been almost a thousand years since then," Hijikata said.

Gintoki knew Hijikata was about to say something to the likes of that he couldn't expect her to remember where it was after all these years, especially if he was the last person to receive it. It made sense that she would forget, ont that Gintoki quite cared for common sense at that particular moment.

Feeling Hijikata's arms around his waist, Gintoki smiled. Maybe picking Hijikata was the right choice. After all, he was his first soulmate. Tsukuyo's status came much later than Hijikata, Hijikata being destined for Gintoki at least one hundred and twenty-five years before Hijikata was even born. Of course, the only confirmation he had for that was from the onmyoji who had forgotten the location of the elixir. He questioned how she could forget the location of the elixir but easily remembered his face when she got a good glimpse of him. No matter the reason, it bothered him, but it wasn't as if he could track her down and hold her hostage until she revealed the location. There just was no way. No way to get the location from her; no way to find it without looking more.

* * *

The next few years went as follows: Gintoki woke up due to his employees waking him up. He lounged around the house for the rest of the day, unless Shinpachi, Kagura, and he got a job, and then they would all go finish the job and come back. Lately, Kagura had been staying at the dojo that Shinpachi lived at with his sister, which gave the perfect cover for Hijikata to come over and relax once he was done with his shift. It wasn't perfect, as it was in the last few lives, but it made do. 

Hijikata's position as a Shinsengumi member, a high-ranking one at that, made it impossible for him to live elsewhere. Not that he could live with Gintoki in the first place since Kagura occupied his closet. However, he won't complain, even if he didn't see Hijikata as much as he would like. There were times when Hijikata would take days, even weeks to come back to Gintoki, but the only reassurance Gintoki got was when Hijikata said to him "Until next time" with such a sweet smile on his lips that made Gintoki melt on the spot, the only saving grace of the puddle on the floor was the smile he returned to him.

It wasn't out of the usual for Hijikata to say he was heading into battle, but a hot day in June was the last day that Hijikata would head into battle. Perhaps it'll be much cooler in Hokkaido, compared to Edo at least. Nevertheless, a sinking feeling in the pit of Gintoki's stomach urged him to not let Hijikata go, which was unusual or so to speak. Normally, Gintoki would have no issues. Hijikata can handle himself in battle. He had seen it himself over the course of their lives. But with the backdrop being the fall of the Tokugawa shogunate, the battle on the horizon only suggested there was more than what meets the eye. Gintoki held onto Hijikata's hand a little bit long when Hijikata finally decided to leave for the night. Kagura was already asleep by the time Hijikata was departing, the wee hours of the morning close to sunrise. Gintoki didn't want him to leave, the impending doom upon him.

He didn't know what, but  _ something  _ was going to happen to Hijikata when he left town for Hokkaido. The uprising happened a few weeks ago, and Hijikata finally had a moment's rest. Though, being her put Gintoki at risk. Still, Gintoki could hold himself in a fight, so he had no worries at what Hijikata's visit might bring.

The lingered at the doorway. Gintoki's hand refused to let go of Hijikata's. Kondo was dead. Executed for a supposed assassination, effectually sending Hijikata to the rank of commander over the remaining members of the Shinsengumi. He clenched the sleeve of Hijikata's jacket with his free hand. There was a silence between them, not wanting to speak of what was troubling both of them.

"I won't tell you not to go, but I know where you're off to." Reluctant to let go, he did anyway. Gintoki, with his head down, couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye. "Stay safe… please."

Hijikata placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. The comfort he was trying to give wasn't enough. Gintoki knew he was sending Hijikata to his death, but such is the life of a Shinsengumi member. To protect the Shogunate, that was his job. The shogunate in chaos was under his care, as well as the remaining Shinsengumi members who still followed him.

Gintoki didn't see, but he could hear the smile on his face, bidding him "Until next time" like he always had. He lingered at the door long after Hijikata left, not in hopes that he would change his mind. Hijikata was too proud to do so. Too set in his ways to change. The knowledge of his uncertain safety would eat Gintoki alive until Hijikata either returned to him or Gintoki heard about his death. The latter was more likely than the former.

The sun was rising. Was there any sense in going to bed? Gintoki thought otherwise, but instead of returning to his futon, the last place they spent their time together, he crashed on his couch. With heavy eyelids, he closed them. He thought that he would be used to this, Hijikata dying over and over. He guessed he never had been. Regardless of the times that he had died, it hurt all the same.

The sun shined through his windows, now too bright to sleep. It wasn't his night, even though he knew it was coming.

All he could do was wait.

* * *

The news of the Shinsengumi in Hokkaido only gave Gintoki grief. He had waited for Hijikata with no real hope that he would return. Perhaps, it was just wishful thinking that he would. Still, he waited, but with the news from the north, his waiting was for naught. He didn't want to believe it. He did, however. There was no need for blind judgement. He knew his reality and knew it well. It had been his reality for the past eight hundred years since before Hijikata.

Kagura was long gone; her father took her out of Edo, much to her annoyance. He, of all people, knew she would handle herself, but nevertheless, she went. Shinpachi left the area as well, his sister asking him to come with her out of the violence in the surrounding areas. Gintoki prayed for their safety, all of those who he had come to know and love over his tenancy above Otose's Snack House.

They left him behind as the city fell into chaos and the news of the Shinsengumi's forced disbandment after there was no one left to lead them. Well, it rang in his ears, the echo of a gunshot. Perhaps the one that took his loved one, even with Hokkaido being well over one thousand kilometers away. The end to his life with the only comfort he had being that he would see him again in the next life. But the clocks ticked, and the flowers bloomed, almost with enough petals for Hijikata to cease entirely.

He had nothing left to keep him in Edo, a haunting reminder of his early years spent in nearly total isolation. The first one hundred and fifty before his initial meeting with Hijikata.

Gintoki slumped in his chair at his desk, head back, arms dangling off of the arm rests. What should he do now? He didn't want to be alone. But the lonely years were upon him unless Tsukuyo ended up on his doorstep. He wasn't exactly  _ not _ expecting her. She usually did when Hijikata died. The pattern was there. But no one was going to ring his doorbell. Not a soul would be out in the streets with everything going on.

Oh, how it would be nice to feel Tsukuyo's skin against his right now. The soft smoothness would be great to feel, but he would just be using her like he had many, many years before. It left a sour taste in his mouth to be thinking of her like this after the news broke earlier. But he couldn't help but want some kind of human contact whether it was Hijikata, Tsukuyo, or some random whore he could get his hands on.

Yoshiwara didn't sound too bad. A visit, perhaps, was in order to try and sooth his wounds. Then again, maybe he shouldn't.

His mind was torn, but the next day came. He paused in front of Yoshiwara before walking past. He took nothing with him when he left Edo to find the elixir.

The only thing he wanted at that moment was to find the elixir before Hijikata's time ran out. That surly shine priestess hinted at it long ago, and those words echoed in his head every time Hijikata died, this time being no different than the rest. He didn't know how to tell when the Gods will revoke Hijikata's ability to be born again.

It had to be soon, but Gintoki would never truly know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, we're in the final three chapters now. My new fic is going very well. I'm expecting to post the first chapter by the first of the year as I almost have the first half done already, but we'll see. To those who've stuck around this far, thank you, and I hope you enjoy.


	13. Summer 1940

The glass sweat in Gintoki's hand, which he swirled the liquid around in the glass. You'd think the clear liquid would be water, but it was a night to celebrate. Hijikata appeared into his life once again, but this time, almost eighty years had passed. It was despairing, considering that usually only twenty to thirty years pass when he would appear again. Another petal added, totaling to eight now, a growing reminder that Gintoki hadn't had much time left. Knowing this, he ground his teeth until he noticed the tension in his jaw and relaxed it. He gripped the cup tighter when he sat it back down on the table. He looked dead into Hijikata's eyes, evening his stare to equal the one Hijikata was giving him except he hardened his face.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked.

Hijikata looked at him quizzically. How could he ask such a question? Of course, Hijikata knew he loved him. It was never a verbal agreement, always shown in their weird way with mostly banter and petty arguments that wound them up in bed together. "Gintoki, why are you asking?"

Gintoki shook his head, decidedly choosing to brush his statement, and he stated it so. He took another drink, watching Hijikata mirror his action. Gintoki had never gotten used to the new electric lights or even the inhumane weapons of today's war scene. The latter he didn't like to think about. Hijikata was in the military, which isn't a new concept for Gintoki. He had been in various armies before, but with today's weapons, those armies almost seemed like a fantasy, ghosts of the past that reflected in Hijikata and Gintoki's eyes from centuries ago.

Gintoki's lips brushed the lip of the cup, the courage to take another drink not there, but he placed it again on the table. "I'm not staying here." He finally found the courage to say what had been lingering on his mind.

Hijikata tilted his head to the side, a curious expression on his face before it hardened. "I know."

"It's been eighty years, y'know. Eighty years since the last time I saw you. I'm close. Just a few more places to look…" he dragged off, sighing before continuing, "You'll be away most of the time anyway. I'll write. I promise, but there's no sense in me trying to wait. I don't… think I'll have another chance."

Hijikata shifted his smile to the side in distaste for what Gintoki had said. He knew he was right. There might not be another chance to get the elixir and give it to Hijikata. Time was running out. With how much time Gintoki had to wait for him to come back, the outlook looked bad. There was no other way to look at it. "I don't like it."

"Well, neither do I, but I gotta do what I have to do." Gintoki stopped and stared back into Hijikata's eyes. "If I end up alone because I decided to be patient, imagine the aggravation and guilt I'll live through for the rest of eternity."

Hijikata gulped down the rest of his drink. "Let's get out of here."

The exact change was left once they got their bill. The lights mixed with all of the scenery was strange to look at as the country that Gintoki knew was not the one that he had lived for the past nine hundred and forty-six years. Industrialization made a much more significant impact than what Gintoki imagined it would whenever he first heard the murmuring in the neighborhood he lived in at the time. The electric lights, the cars, technology had sped up tenfold in the last forty years. Kimonos or yukatas were still worn but not as regularly as they had been. Updating his clothes to match the time became much more of a burden. Nevertheless, he made it work the best he could, whether buying clothes at a new retail shop or repurposing clothing he already had.

Modern life was strange. Of course, Gintoki might have been the oldest person on the planet, especially if no one else had the elixir. Even the onmyoji didn't drink the elixir herself, which why she didn't was beyond Gintoki's comprehension. Having existed since the year nine hundred and ninety-four, Gintoki's appearance still looked as lively as ever. His appearance was youthful, but his mind had a near millennium of memories. Some vivid, Gintoki constantly reliving them in his mind. Others have faded with time. Hijikata was the only consistent thing in his life. Tsukuyo as well, but he hadn't seen her in ages.

He couldn't hold his hand. Gintoki wanted to, but the new stigma around it now, he couldn't bring that "shame" upon Hijikata. His whole life was the military. He had the chance to get out but chose to re-enlist, but the war came, and he was no longer able to leave. Gintoki wrapped his scarf around his face to hide the unobvious blush on his cheeks. They walked to their house (Hijikata's, really), as Gintoki said, "Stop that."

Hijikata, who was ahead by a few steps, looked over his shoulder. "I'm not doing anything." He continued forward as he focused on the walk forward.

"Still, you should stop."

"Stop what?"

"Existing."

"Existing? What are you? Dumb?"

"Fuck off. You know what I mean."

"Maybe I'm too sweet for you," Hijikata said.

"Never underestimate Gin-san's sweet tooth," Gintoki chuckled, "I'll test that theory tonight."

"Too late for that," Hijikata mumbled, adjusting the collar of his jacket to protect his neck. "It's past midnight, and I have to be up early."

Hijikata's early morning only served as a reminder that when Gintoki wakes up the next day, Hijikata's side of the bed will be empty until the next time he gets leave. Gintoki detested that he only had one night with him, compared to the other lives where he had nights upon nights with him. The anger bubbled underneath the surface, away from the public eye. He squashed it every time. Not that it would matter. Gintoki wasn't going to stick around the area with the finish line mere feet away. By the time Hijikata gets leave again, Gintoki should have the elixir. So close, yet so far away.

The walk came to an end. And while Hijikata headed up the steps, Gintoki lingered out front, his hands stuffed in his coat's pockets. He didn't want the night to end. The moment Gintoki would open his eyes the next day, he would see that his bed would be empty without him. That was why Gintoki didn't want the night to end. "Are you coming? We don't have all night."

Gintoki had been fighting it all night, telling Hijikata that he wouldn't stay here while he was away. And he couldn't bring himself to enter his home without telling him. He hadn't kept secrets before, and he wouldn't now. "I'm not staying here. While you're gone."

Hijikata sighed as he looked over his shoulder for a second time. "I didn't think you would." A slight nod to what Gintoki had in mind was the least Hijikata could do. Wanting to find the elixir was still the first thing on his mind in the morning and the last thing on his mind at night. "You should expect the worst."

"Is it different than any other time?"

"Can't say. I'm the one who dies." Hijikata wasted no more time out in the cold and entered his house. "Now you're either gonna come inside, or you're gonna sleep out in the cold. Make your choice."

Gintoki knew that the right choice was to go inside. So, he went up the steps. Once inside, he soaked up the warmth. "Hijikata," Gintoki started, sighed out a breath, and finished, "I love you."

"You don't need to tell me."

"It's just in case."

Hijikata already kicked off his shoes and was now hanging up his scarf and coat. "You'll see me again."

After Gintoki removed his jacket, he looked at Hijikata, placing hands on his face. He leaned in and kissed him. "You'll be gone when I wake up. Please write. I'll return here once I collect it." He no longer had to reference the elixir by name. Both of them knew what he would be talking about in the way it is referenced.

"Don't worry. You're not an easy person to forget."

* * *

The first letter Gintoki received was when he left his forwarding address to a little house in the suburb of Nara in the Nara prefecture. The small envelope pulled from the mailbox was expected, but not at the same time. Hijikata said he would write, but Gintoki hadn't expected a letter so soon. Ten weeks after he had left. Of course, he wouldn't always get replies as fast as he would have preferred. The moment he finished reading the newly received letter, he crafted his own, writing the stupid love notes he had been collecting over time. The ability to read and write came in handy in this one of Hijikata's lives. The hours and hours of practice it took paid off in the long run, even though reading had been much more critical than Gintoki would think it would be.

The scrawl on the paper lying on the desk was by far the most illegible writing a person could have produced since Gintoki's skills were amateur. He had little practice writing and did his best. Reading was much easier compared to figuring out how to write with as small grammatical errors as possible. He sat there and stared at it, embarrassed that his literacy was just enough to write a letter to Hijikata. He sighed, releasing the paper from his hand and sinking into his chair, his mind distraught. The great detail he described his desire for this man, he had never done in writing, only in whispers of sweet nothings and nuances in his language over the years. Filled top to bottom of characters that he could barely decipher, he read it over again. And again. And again. Before tearing it to shreds and starting over from the beginning.

Even with starting over, Gintoki essentially said the same exact thing in his previously written letter. No lyrical words, rhyming parts. Just primal vocabulary about his unending craving for a man he had only spent perhaps a few decades with.

And again in frustration, he ripped up the piece of paper, throwing it in the air like snow white confetti. The bits fell to the ground and scattered, making the later clean up a hassle. He took his fountain pen and tried again, only this time, he kept it brief. No frilly adjectives or embellishments. He told him to come back to him. Make it out alive and return, so they could finally live their lives together.

Neither satisfied nor displeased with the letter, he let it go, sealing it into the envelope to drop in the mailbox. He scrawled the name and address of the recipient of the letter, licking the stamp and pinning it to the corner.

Now with the envelope securely in the mailbox, awaiting it to be delivered to Hijikata, all Gintoki could do was wait. The elixir was safe in a vial Hijikata gave him for the elixir. He didn't get to keep many keepsakes from Hijikata's lives, only the vial he managed to hold on to for centuries. The first few corks hardened after time, making it impossible to continue to use it, so he replaced them every so often with other perfect-fitting misshapen objects that kept the vial from leaking its insides.

Gintoki kept the elixir hidden as he hopped from place to place, never leaving it in plain view. The golden color might attract unwanted attention. When he was alone, he would tilt the bottle from side to side, watching the liquid drip from one end of the bottle to the next. The only thing left to do was to return to Hijikata's home and wait there until he could come back. 

* * *

"Read alone" in big, bold letters never came as a surprise when written across a letter delivered to Hijikata. His lips curled into a slightly devious smile. As tempting as it was to tear it open and read it right away, Hijikata knew he would only feel embarrassed by the end of the letter. Gintoki did nothing to conceal his feelings for Hijikata in writing. It was unrefined and undeveloped, the words on the page, but how alive Hijikata felt from just reading such simple sentences.

He grasped the letter in his hands, his hands trembling from the need to know what his love wrote him. The embarrassment that would come from it kept his hands from ripping it open in seconds. Instead, he took the letter, folded it once, and slid it into his pocket as he walked back to the room he shared with Kondo.

As he walked back, he exhaled, sighing out the nerves of wondering what Gintoki wrote versus what embarrassment would unfold if someone else read the letter. He couldn't help but wonder what he would do if Sougo decided to take his chances at reading it. Sougo, of course, would likely hold the contents over his head for the rest of his life, but nevertheless, he didn't shred the letter upon receipt. He kept them but hid them as quickly as possible so he wouldn't feel such shame for having such feelings in the first place.

Facing his door, he opened his door and entered, smelling the incense that Kondo must have decided to burn as it smelled slightly of peppermint and sage upon the open swing of the door. "Oi, Kondo-san, don't you think you'll end up burning down the building with this incense you burn?" He hopped onto his bed after kicking off his shoes at the doorway.

"Toshi, I think I'd be doing the government a service if that happened."

"Being arrested for arson doesn't sound very pleasant."

"But neither does living in these suffocating buildings during the summer."

Hijikata snorted a laugh at the hint that Kondo doesn't remember much before the invention of air conditioning. Air conditioning was excellent but wasn't a necessity for humans to survive. Clearly, with the survival of humanity up until that point. "We'll survive."

"Will we? I find that hard to believe."

Hijikata didn't respond, only curled up on his bed, waiting for lights out from the higher-ups. He didn't, however, turn off his light in preparation for his nightly reading. He listened carefully to Kondo as he walked from the desk to his bed opposite of Hijikata. "Did you get it?"

Hijikata's ears perked up. "Get what?"

"The weekly letter you've been receiving for months now," Kondo said as he laid on his bed. "The letter from your lover."

Hijikata flipped over to see Kondo wiggling his eyebrows at him. "Yes."

"C'mon, you've never told me who you've been corresponding with!" 

"You've met him already!"

"Get real. You've never introduced me to anyone from your private life."

Hijikata could only laugh. Kondo had indeed met Gintoki at one point but not in this lifetime of his. It was close to eighty years ago when they had met for the first time, not that Hijikata would tell him. There was no reason to overindulge Kondo's latest pry into his life. "You have. You just don't remember."

With a grunt, Kondo flipped over and turned off his light. "Suit yourself."

With Hijikata as alone as he was going to be able to be, he removed the letter from his pocket, unfolding it, tracing over the letters that Gintoki had inked onto the paper. With a deep sigh, he took the letter out of the envelope and read it. Within words, he blushed. He hadn't known anyone to make him blush by mere printed words on a scrap of paper. 

He gripped the paper tightly as he read, wishing to feel Gintoki's skin underneath his own, but the best he could do was to feel his own tender skin, bending to the will of his own harsh touch. He couldn't do that, but his dreams took care of whatever kinky fantasies Gintoki implanted in his mind. He had every intention of having Gintoki put his money where his mouth is. 

By the end of the letter, Hijikata noted his frustration that he could do nothing about. It was a pain knowing that he couldn't take care of said frustration, but he could help but feel embarrassed for feeling this way in the first place. Certainly, Gintoki would have a smug grin on his lips, knowing the position he put Hijikata in weekly. Surely, he would tease him for it. The teasing would never end if he knew what Hijikata went through every time he read his letters.

He grunted, laying in his bed, defeated. Either way, he turned off his light, wrapping himself up in his blanket, unnecessary for the heat. Still, he wanted to hide as much as he could, so no one would see his shame. But before long, he drifted off to sleep, thinking about what he would write in his next letter tomorrow after he was finished with his duties for the day.

* * *

When Gintoki returned to Hijikata's house several weeks after receiving the elixir, Gintoki looked forward to their correspondence. Every week a letter would arrive for him, and every week he would send a letter out for Hijikata to read privately. Every letter was written in ways he wanted to describe his love for Hijikata, no matter how cheesy and unbecoming it was in the way that he wrote. Still, Hijikata's letters sounded poetic every week compared to what Gintoki had written. There was nothing that he hadn't noted to him yet. He talked of the week and then segued into his current wishes, which included rather steamy things that only frustrated him.

This was the longest he had been away from Hijikata during the time that he was alive. They were always together during his life, so being away from him during this one, it was painful. He hated it but never made a fuss. Eventually, he would be discharged, and they would finally be able to be together.

The mail came, and not one letter came for Gintoki. Just a bunch of junk mail and bills that he promised to pay as his payment for living in Hijikata's house. He hadn't much money, but enough for him to pay for what he needed. Hijikata was kind and contributed to his fund to remain at his house, included in one letter every month, but it wasn't as if Gintoki used the utilities that much. He was still far too used to not having electric lights and indoor plumbing. However, he would say that indoor plumbing was by far his favorite invention since it was introduced in the early twentieth century.

Gintoki's lips puckered at the thought there were no letters from Hijikata in the mail. Even the day before, no letter.

But there would be no letter coming for him. Confirmed from the phone call he took from Hijikata's brother. "What do you mean he's dead?" A morbid question for Gintoki to ask, but he felt the need to know. "He can't be…"

"He died in the bombing in the early morning last week, Gintoki," said Tamegoro sincerely and solemnly. Grieving clearly, but trying to hold it in. "I know you have a complicated history. He told me everything. I'm sure he thought of you before it happened."

Gintoki didn't pry when he said that Hijikata told him everything. Hijikata wouldn't have told his brother about his identity as an immortal man, their history together spanning a millennium. "I'm sorry. I have to go." Gintoki hung up as quickly as he picked up the phone. There was no reason to not believe Tamegoro. Still, for Hijikata to die in a bombing, it was hard for Gintoki to wrap his head around it. He couldn't bear the thought that there was nothing left of him, erased from the earth like he never existed in the first place. The first few deaths Hijikata had, there was always something he could at least bury to get closure. This was not possible this time. 

Once the tears started, there was no stopping them. He curled up on their bed as he clutched the sheets on Hijikata's side. This was his one chance to give him the elixir, finally given the opportunity now that he had the elixir. But with him gone again, there was no way for him to do so. He wanted to pretend that Hijikata never existed in the first place with the opportunity slipping through his fingers. There wasn't a next time. This was the only time he could give it to him. 

He guessed he would give the elixir to Tsukuyo if she would show up once again, but there was no guarantee like there had been in the past. The cycle of rebirth was ending, or at least slowing to the point of stopping. Eighty years passed before he found Hijikata again. He hadn't seen Tsukuyo in ages. He had to accept that his life was bound by the elixir's curse of loneliness.

He gathered himself again, the tears slowly stopping as he took hold tighter to the sheet on the bed. His lips quivered before coming to a standstill. He could no longer stay at this house. He would be forced out when Tamegoro put it up for sale for another family to come in and live here like it was theirs from the beginning. And he hated it. He hated that he'd have to leave their home again. He always left because he didn't want to remain in a home that reminded him far too much of Hijikata. Though this home, he didn't want to leave. He didn't want this house empty as it was now, but he still didn't want to leave it.

Still, he gathered what things he did. He made his exit, saying goodbye to Hijikata and thanking him for giving him at least a smidgen of hope that he would have spent his life with him. He did so without regard to the fact that he wouldn't spend his life with Hijikata.

With such a significant portion of his life coming to a close, Gintoki smiled, knowing that he had met his soulmate and their lives intertwined for so long that he wasn't sure where he would take his life at this time. He smiled at the house and mouthed "thank you" as he went on his way, the elixir tucked securely in his pocket just in case he might need it someday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, the penultimate chapter of this fic. Next one, and it'll be finished, which I'll post next week whenever I'm off. I'm excited about my new fic, if you haven't see it yet! The Mission's Death Knell. It's an espionage-based slow burn, and I hope if you check it out that you'll like it! :D
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading!


	14. Summer 2010

A shrine in springtime wasn't an unusual sight for Gintoki. He spent centuries searching for the elixir. Many spring seasons passed in the meanwhile on his journey, the cherry blossoms sprouting and fading away year after year, the lone reminder of death and rebirth. He never took the time to admire the petals falling so delicately from the sky. He no longer wanted a reminder of the petals and the man who the petals belonged to.

Sixty-five years had passed since his final death. Not one inkling of his return appeared anywhere Gintoki looked for one. Still, he kept his eyes down while entering the Meiji-Jingu shrine. He still thought it was a shame to see light poles in the middle of a shrine, but the light poles were everywhere, lining the streets, houses, and shrine. He couldn't escape it. The world he knew was not the world of the moment, machines with wheels zoomed by him at speeds he never thought possible. Under the ground held train cars that carried people from stop to stop so long as they paid. The paper money wasn't brand new, but he still wasn't used to shelling it out every time he bought something. The bartering system was all he knew, and that knowledge was now useless.

He reached the prayer altar where he pressed his hands together, shortly joined by an old woman, her blonde hair somewhat surprisingly familiar. "I never thought I'd see you again."

Gintoki raised an eyebrow. There was no way this lady had an idea who he was. He didn't want to question it, but her voice was rather familiar as well. He turned toward her only to be met with striking and familiar purple eyes. "...Tsukuyo?"

She smiled. "I'm so glad I've finally found you again," she said, "I've been waiting to make my peace with you."

"What do you mean 'make my peace'? There's nothing to make peace about."

She took his hand into hers. "Isn't there something missing now that you've recognized me?"

Gintoki's eyebrow raised for a second time before he realized it. There were no petals. The symbol of their relationship was no longer surrounding both of them. "Where… where are the petals?"

Another soft smile graced her lips, affectionate but not at the same time, almost grandmotherly. "Let's go back to my apartment. We can discuss it there."

She let go of his hand as she tossed a few coins into the chest, her frail arms barely able to ring the bell that an offering was left. He did the same and looped his arm for her to take hold of.

The walk to Tsukuyo's apartment didn't take too long. She had to stop a few times to regain her balance and rest her legs, but she seemed happy to see Gintoki. It was a long time coming, he supposed. She was the last person he had to make peace with, and they could finally go their separate ways. He almost pitied her with the long walk up the steps she had to make every time she left her home, but she was tough, more stringent than most. He knew that she wouldn't fuss about it.

Once inside, the conversation never picked up. Gintoki sat at her kitchen table in silence that he didn't want to break. He didn't know what to say, or there wasn't anything to say in the first place. She had a slight smile on her face, which Gintoki wondered what for. They weren't meant to be together anymore, and he couldn't help but wonder why. But then again, he didn't feel anything for her, other than happiness because of seeing her again. The love wasn't there. His heart felt nothing or so to speak.

Gintoki held back for a moment. The silence had gone on for too long now, but he found his inability to speak. "Gintoki," she said before coughing. "I don't have much time left."

He knew that, but he didn't at the same time. She was old, probably around eighty-five years old. Her crow's feet and wrinkles did nothing to hide her age, but her eyes glazed over when they landed on him for a second time. "I know."

"Probably have a good five or so years left."

"I'm sorry."

"What for?" Tsukuyo asked.

"Never looking for you in the first place."

"It's fine, Gintoki. It's been over two hundred years since I've seen you."

"It's not fine!" He exclaimed, slamming his fists on the table, tears in his eyes. "I shouldn't have turned my back on you."

"Really, it's fine, Gintoki," she said, placing a hand on his curled-up fist. "I'm happy. I've been okay without you."

"We can be together now…" he mumbled, defeated from thinking that he wouldn't be spending his life with Hijikata.

Tsukuyo smiled. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

"What do you mean?"

"I… don't want to live forever with you."

The idea that the petals didn't appear anymore only stung to think about. He couldn't bear the thought that he would be spending eternity alone now that Tsukuyo no longer wanted to spend eternity with him. "Why?"

She tilted her head slightly to the side. "Why what?"

Gintoki had been gnawing at his lip as he looked down from her eyes, whose eyes were still affectionate. He couldn't look at her now that even their chapter of life was finished. It hurt. It hurt more than Gintoki thought was possible. "Never mind. I don't want to know anymore." He leaned his head back, still defeated. He hadn't had a win since he collected the elixir.

"Gintoki, I'm old now. I've lived so many lives now, and I've made peace with it. That's why the petals no longer appear. I won't come back for another time. I knew you wouldn't give me the elixir. It was always meant for him, and I don't want you to think I regret it. You, I mean. They appeared quickly, and they faded away just as fast."

He finally looked up with her, the tears only slightly being able to hold back. "Tsukuyo," he smiled slightly, "I'm glad I've met you."

"And me you."

"What am I supposed to do now? He's gone too…" It hurt to think about, which was something he did routinely. "I don't want to live eternity alone… without either of you."

"The petals are quite fickle. At least that's what the shrine maiden told me. They don't appear for just anyone." She let go of his hand again, placing hers gently in her lap with her other hand. "You know why you were able to see them, right?"

Gintoki shook his head. He never got the story behind the petals. He never asked. He asked solely about the elixir. The elixir was his main focus for so long that he just never questioned the petals or why they existed in the first place. 

"The elixir is why you could see them. And since Hijikata and I were connected to you, we could see them too. That elixir is a tricky substance, I tell you. It does so much more than just giving you eternal life. It shows you your soulmate, makes you youthful again. To be young again… would truly be amazing."

"I can give it to you."

She shook her head, declining his offer. "I'm glad you've finally found it, but it's too late for me. I'm looking forward to the afterlife, really. Perhaps, I'll find the peace that I've always looked for since I've met you. You've put me in quite the pickle, y'know. I've been in such emotional turmoil since that life, fighting the feelings I've had for you while your heart already belonged to someone else."

Hearing such things coming from someone he cared about hurt. He was tired of hurting, but the numbness he craved never indeed came for him. And seeing Tsukuyo only reopened the wound that had finally closed.

"How long have you loved me?" He couldn't say much, regardless of how much he had to say. The conversation was painful for both of them, but it was the only way to get the closure both needed.

"Since the first time I met you. Let me tell ya: being your rebound did hurt at first, but I'm glad that you've given me affection after a while."

Gintoki, not wanting to hear anymore, picked himself up off his chair, his arms dangling at his side with no strength to move them. He gave her a fake smile, trying to see her off with no hard feelings toward her, no matter how bitter he felt toward his situation. "I'm glad I've found you again, even though we're parting as friends, but I can't sit here and pretend that everything's okay."

Tsukuyo exhaled, not quite a sigh. "I know you think he's gone, but he still has unfinished business with you."

"Yeah, but-"

"There are no 'yeah, but-'s. His soul won't rest until he gets the same closure I got."

"I don't know what you know, but it was eighty years before I saw him again in his last life. He's not coming back again. It's… done. He was finished the last time we saw each other."

"Gintoki, I think you'd be surprised. Souls are quite resilient. Look how long both my and his last. A Millenia. It's been one thousand years already. I've made my peace. I know he hasn't. If you think that he won't appear again, I'm glad to tell you you're wrong."

Gintoki clenched his fist. How could she of all people know? He hadn't felt this angry in such a long while that he couldn't stay any longer before he had one more lasting regret of berating his child's mother from all those years ago. He snorted. "No, you're the one in the wrong. He's not coming back. I've made my peace with that." His lie hung on his heart because he hadn't made peace with anything.

"I've read that letter."

Gintoki had an idea of what she was talking about. Not leading on to what knowledge he had, he played dumb. "What letter?"

"The one he tried sending you from the war. I know you know what I'm talking about. There were so many being sent to you."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he mumbled.

Tsukuyo crossed her leg the best she could with how old she was but crossed her ankles in her attempt. "Gintoki."

"Tsukuyo."

"I know you were sending letters back and forth," she said matter-of-factly. "I've read  _ all _ of them. At least the ones from him. I know the dirty things he's said to you. Feelings, desires, the things he wanted to do to you, with you. It was quite… debauched to say the least. But I know how he signed them. With love, to his soulmate, who was waiting for him to come home. Even within the writing itself, I could tell how much he loved you. It's not possible for him to die, knowing fully well that you're still waiting for him."

"I'm not waiting for him anymore! He's dead. He's not coming back again. I can't continue to live this sorry life with just a small sliver of hope that I'll see him again. I can't live my life like that anymore. Eighty years passed between his last two lives. Eighty fucking years, Tsukuyo. He's done. He's not coming back. I've accepted it."

"You can believe how you want then. I  _ know _ he'll be back. I know it like it's a fact because it is. I don't know when. I can't tell you that. But he hadn't been with anyone but you since you've met over eight hundred years ago.  _ You  _ were the person he wanted to be with. Fate might have pulled you together, but he made the choice to be with you. Think what you will, Gintoki, I can't force you, but he loves you. And he will be back. Now don't run off upset. I have a favor to ask you."

He sighed, exhaling loudly. "What do you want now?"

Tsukuyo began to smile softly again. "I'm getting too old to be living by myself. Old age and what not."

"I wouldn't know."

"I wouldn't expect you to, given the circumstances, but it's getting harder for me to move around the apartment and do things for myself. My children and grandchildren are too busy for me with working and taking care of their own families. I'm not too fond of the caretaker who comes in a few times a week to help me with things. Can you stay here with me at least until I pass?"

Guilt was a tricky mistress to deal with. Too much would crush a person, and too little makes one heartless. The guilt that Tsukuyo was no longer going to reincarnate permeated him, but there was no greater guilt than the guilt of not believing her when she said he would be back. He just couldn't get his hopes up again. Sixty-five years had passed since his death. Nothing was going to change that. "Yeah. Let me go get some things, and I'll be back."

* * *

Gintoki had been living alone for years by the time there was a knock at the door. Tsukuyo was right. She hadn't had much time left when she mentioned it, dying well within the five-year range she gave him when he saw her again. Still, they made their peace with each other before then. They hardly even fought while they lived with each other, but it was different than when they lived together before. There was no romance. No batting their eyelashes toward each other, no sex in fear of waking a child, no crawling into bed together after a long day's work. Nothing of the sort. Gintoki didn't mind, but he did miss those days of affection when looking back on them. Tsukuyo no longer felt romantically toward him as she stated it so. Still, he took care of her, not out of obligation, but because he still cared about her. The impossibility of being together, she made clear. She asked, so he helped.

Knocks on the door weren't a regular occurrence. Tsukuyo's neighbors never bothered him, even when she was alive. They minded themselves but were polite when he saw them, and he appreciated that. He didn't feel up to becoming attached to another person only to die just like everyone else in his life had. He swore off having people in his life. The 5-minute friendships in stores and restaurants were all he wanted since Tsukuyo's death.

Gintoki picked himself up off of the couch. He made his way to the door. He didn't even unchain the door when he cracked it open. Peering through the small crack between the door and the woodwork, piercing blue eyes stared back, astonished at the sight he saw. Short staccato breaths were the only way he could breathe. The man on the other side stole his breath.

Hijikata was alive. And Gintoki shut the door on him, unable to look at him in the eyes. For years, he thought he was done, that he wouldn't reincarnate again. He made peace with it. He struggled with it for a few decades, but he eventually came to terms with it. Now he had shown up at his doorstep. Gintoki should be happy about this, and he didn't know why he wasn't.

"Gintoki," Hijikata said, muffled from the door. "Why did you shut the door?"

"Because you're supposed to be dead."

"But I'm not."

Gintoki stood still for a moment. He reached the lock and unhooked it. He twisted the doorknob open and became face-to-face with him. He couldn't make eye contact with Hijikata, whose soft blue eyes looked at him so lovingly like it hadn't even been seventy-five years since his death. Like time was non-existent. Gintoki's awkwardness didn't stop Hijikata from pulling him into a hug, his hands firm but gentle, just like always. Gintoki's hands clenched into fists before loosening, and they clutched Hijikata's back as he held onto what felt like dear life. It had been so long since he could hold him like this, and he planned to absorb every second of it.

He pulled Hijikata further into the apartment before closing the door and pressing him against it. "Stay like this… just for a moment," he begged, so desperate for his touch.

A moment passed.

And another.

And another.

During this time, Gintoki couldn't hold back his tears. Tears of joy, of course. The petals also had disappeared in time, cementing that they were together—this time for good. The elixir Gintoki had long since hidden away deep within the apartment, hoping he would find someone to give it to. But Hijikata was not only the first person but the last person he thought he'd give it to. Tsukuyo no longer wanted it.

Hijikata lifted his hand and placed them on Gintoki's face. "What's wrong with you?" It was harmless. A harmless question because Hijikata was confused by Gintoki's uncharacteristically neediness. "I'm here like I told you last time I saw you."

"I know, but… you don't have much time left. Maybe one more life left, but you'll die for good soon. I have it. Finally, I can give it to you. The elixir, I mean. Then we have eternity to look forward to."

And without any further hesitation, he kissed him, with everything in him—all the passion, love, regret. "I love you. And… I'm glad you picked me out of everyone."

With a snort, Hijikata laughed. "You make it seem like I wanted other options. I didn't. I only wanted you."

"How can you say that with such a straight face?" Gintoki couldn't help but blush, his cheeks fiery red from such a slight statement. It wasn't as if he didn't want to hear him say something to the likes of that, but he felt embarrassed. Still, hearing that Hijikata only wanted him was not so much a breath of fresh air, but relief that he felt that way. Perhaps Tsukuyo was right, and their unfinished business propelled him into life again. This would be the last life Hijikata had, but he would continue it this time, continuing until the end of eternity. Gintoki couldn't wait to see what life had in store for them. The endless fun they could have. The fights, the misery, the glorious days they would spend together.

Gintoki was getting ahead of himself. He had given this day so much thought that thinking about how this would be his new reality. No longer spending decades in between alone. Now he would have company for eternity.

Before moving onto other things that he would instead do, like asking Hijikata how he found him when his name wasn't listed anywhere, Gintoki told him to wait there in the living room. He walked into his bedroom and opened the top dresser drawer. The vial was right where he left it, tucked inside an envelope. The disguise worked perfectly when those two men had broken into his home a few years back. Nothing was taken as he had nothing of value. The only valuable he had was the vial, of course. The vial with the golden, syrupy liquid that caused Gintoki all of the pain he went through all those years ago.

Bringing it back out to Hijikata, he pulled it out of the envelope. Stuck between his finger and thumb, Gintoki then passed it off to Hijikata's hand. "It's yours. Just the right amount you need."

With slight hesitation, Hijikata eyed the potion before uncorking it, downing it, noting the saccharine flavor. Overpowering was an understatement. "Now I understand why you've been wanting me to drink it! You just want me to drink something sweet." He muttered as he placed his head on Gintoki's shoulder. "Happy now?"

"Yes."

And Gintoki was happy - Exuberantly so. But how long it will last, he will never know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here's the final chapter! I hope you guys enjoy it because it was a pleasure writing this piece, even though I'm more proud of my new piece now.
> 
> So much has happened within the few weeks, it's been a relief that I'm back at work and have my new kitties to take care of. It's been nice. Here's to hoping you enjoy this ending. It's a bit better, but now that it's done, I have other things to work on.
> 
> 'Til next time!  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
